A Random Dark Bit of Poetry (Book 1)

Crushing

Not again my dear,

Spare me my heart.

Falling again, i fear

Of myself i've given you part.

I know I act like it's nothing,

But try not to take it too lightly

Im so confused, on 2 im crushing.

I compare them nightly,

Do i look forwards or back?

Cant tell which is worse.

What if i can't stand the panic attack

And end up almost in a hearse?

Would you still love me then?

Could you bother to care,

Again and again?

Do i dare?

Brown hair, shadowed eyes;

But my heart doesn't quite race...

Blonde and blue, over you I've cried.

Its you i can't quite face.

Why do i do this to myself?

Another wellspring of pain,

Add the broken heart to the shelf.

Then again without it theres no gain.

He said "just kiss everyone you see"

Well i would but thats not how i roll.

But with you it'd go quick ,

Never to stay long, that'd take a toll.

The slow smile and lingering hug,

today could have been 100 cuts;

But instead off with it i shrug.

Wish i didn't wish this door was shut.

Trading stories not the same,

Close but not a total match,

Maybe the darkness we could tame?

Could you be the perfect catch?

But whats the real one;

The devil lets no deal undone.

Tell me whats the price, hun,

Oh right the other i'd have to shun.

No room in the sky for a second sun,

The moon will die with light unsung.

Put to my head the gun;

Pull the trigger, just get it done.

Cut it short and let it die,

Shut the doors and shut you out.

My best options a lie,

Another silenced shout.

Hold on and don't let go.

Every second another razortwist.

Cant tell this early in the show;

Try not to read the script.

The lines cross so betwixt,

Thoughts of you i cant seem rid,

Feelings so mixed.

Another thought i've hid.

Crushed beneath the weight;

Will you be the one

To finally equate

This darkness i cant seem to win?

I just need someone who's willing,

Believe im worth it and kiss the scars

Dont let me do the self-killing,

Bar me from joining the stars.