Run Away From The Pain

Baby Please Don't Go

I was sitting on the couch, reading the glossy cover of a magazine, on the tour bus, with Joe, and Brad talking about some new riffs, and Joey and Tom eating as usual. Steven was acting really weird. He was quiet during the whole ride.
We were on our way from San Diego to San Fransisco, which is about a 7 hour trip; for four hours now, Steven was just sitting on the couch across from me, occasionally stealing glances.

I peeked out from under my long lashes, to see Steven's smoldering brown eyes lock places with my golden pupils. I narrowed my eyes slightly, and then raised a playfull eyebrow, which caused him to blush and then look away.
I feel terrible. Ever since the incident in the ambulance a few days ago, Steven and I haven't spoken much, if any at all. I realized I would never be able to trust him, or anyone for that matter; I'm not normal, and I never will be.
It sickens me, knowing that sad truth, but the most I can do now, is try my hardest to move on from my past.

"What'cha thinkin' about, babe?" Joe's deep voice broke me out of my reverie.

"Oh.." I sighed. "Nothing really. Just how boring this trip is."
I tried making the lie seem believable. "I mean... I've been reading the same magazine for hours."

"I know a way we can make things more fun." Joe chuckled, and then winked.


"I know a way we can make things more fun." He chuckled darkly, as he tightened the already contricting restraints with one hand, and choked me with the other; strangling me with all his power, almost knocking me unconscious.

"P-please.." I gasped "Stop."

"Shut up, Bitch!" He snarled, and I could feel the sharp sting of his palm, colliding with my cheek.
He untied one of my hands, and tried to put me to 'good use', as he called it.
I looked to my left, near the bedside table, and found a pocket knife.
Before he could fully understand my plan, I grabbed the knife, and stabbed him on the back of his thigh, which was hovering over me.
He howeled in pain, and toppled over and off of the bed. I cut myself loose, and sprinted out of the bedroom, and up the stairs to the front door.
As I opened the thick wooden door, and felt the cool autumn breeze on my face, a fat, meaty hand pulled me back, and slammed the door infront of me.

"You stupid fucking slut!" He hissed, and began choking me again. This time, he picked me up by my neck and repeatedly slammed my head into the door.
I could feel my airways tightening up, and my breathing became heavy and shallow.


My hands flew up to my neck as a reaction, and my ragged breathing ceased.
"Alex, shit." Joe called, and Steven looked up at me, worry clouding his eyes. "Alex, I didn't mean anything by it. Are you okay? Calm down!" He scooted closer to me, and tried rubbing my back.
I stood up, and backed myself into the back corner of the bus, while still clutching my neck; tears streaming down my face.
All of the guys were staring at me in wonder.

"Joe, she has bad memories. Sometimes, things we do or say will trigger them." Steven sighed, and stood up, walking over to me. He stopped, and stood about 5 feet away from me, and held his arms up as a sign of peace. "Alex... Alex it's just me, Steven. Alex, calm down, and breathe. You're with us on the tour bus. You're not where you think you are. Snap out of it."

He took a step closer to me.
I could feel my grasp tightening around my own neck, and for whatever reason, I couldn't control it.

"Alex..." The pain in Stevens eyes was clearly noticable.
He took two slow steps closer to me, until he was in arms reach. He took one step closer, until he was directly next to me. Steven lifted up a hand, and tried to pry my hands off of my neck.
Though I let him do so, out of reaction, the tears came in abundance.

Once he managed to safetly remove my hands from my neck, he pulled me into him, hugging me tightly, almost as if I was his life line, and if he let go, we would both perish.
I broke down and sobbed into his chest, my tears staining his shirt.
"I-I'm s-so.. sorry." I sobbed.

"Don't be." Steven said, as he smoothed my hair on the back of my head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another hour or so into the bus ride, I managed to calm myself down.
I was curled up into a ball inbetween Steven and Joe, who were casually having a conversation over me, while I was deep in thought.

"I need to leave." I muttered. They stopped their conversation, and were both staring at me, wide-eyed.

"What?!" They both almost yelled.

"I need to leave." I repeated. "This is unfair to you... all of you. I'm just a burden being here. I'm a fuck up. You guys have it big, you made it, ya know? I'm just weighing you all down." I got up, and moved to the front of the bus, and stood next to the driver, staring out the windsheild. "Just let me off at the next diner or something." I sighed to him.

"No! Alexandra Hastings, we are not leaving you stranded. And you're the farthest thing from a burden!" Joe became really serious. "You're like a little sister to us. We love you, and we want you to stay with us!"

"I'll find my way home." I snapped back. "And don't you dare lie to me. I'm most definitely a burden. I'm never going to be normal. I'm never going to be able to love you guys, or trust you guys, like you do to me. You'll all meet wonderful girl on the road, and fall in love with them, and then I'll just be that awkward 11th wheel that can't ever meet anyone, or do anything with her life because she's so terrified that she'll be killed. Just face it. I don't belong here with you guys."

"So that's what this is about...?" Steven stood up, amazment sparkling in his eyes. "You're afraid we'll meet people, and you'll be alone?"

"No... not entirely... Like I said, I don't want to be a bu-"

"Damn it, Alex! You're not, and never will be, a burden!" Steven snapped at me, cutting me off. I could feel the hurt and anger radiating off of him. "You won't be alone! You have us! You have me!"
He took a step closer to me.

I was paralyzed with fear of the unknown.
I didn't know what he was going to do. I didn't know how I'd feel about him, or the situation. I didn't know about the future, or the past, or anything. I just didn't have a clue. I was completely confused, and my head started to hurt thinking about the situation.
He took one final step closer to me, closing the space between us.

"Baby, please don't go." He sighed,
looking down into my golden eyes, for just a moment.

"I-..." I paused, thinking over my options. "I guess I don't have a choice, now do I?"