Run Away From The Pain

Nightmares - 4,275. Alex - 0.

I woke up with a sheen of sweat covering me, and I was shivering, though it was pretty warm in the room I was in. 
My heart was racing, and my breathing was staggered. 
I knew I just had a bad dream, but I couldn't remember what it was about; the images left my mind the second I woke up, though this looming feeling of danger hung over me like a cloud of smoke in the air. 

I could feel a pair of arms wrapped around me, and I knew it was Steven. We were still in the hotel in Pheonix.
I lightly wriggled myself out of his grip, and padded into the bathroom, closing the door behind me, and turning on the lights. 
I looked at my ghostly appearance in the mirror, and shuttered. 
I look emaciated, and fragile. My skin is a sickly pale color, and I have large black bags under my even larger golden eyes. My long knotted brown hair hung around my face, and I felt like the Mrs. Dracula, or something. I really do look terrifying.

I bent down to the sink, and splashed some cold water on my face, then I grabbed a towel and blotted myself dry. By this time I was standing straight up, and when I removed the towel from my face, I swear to god I've never screamed so loud before. 
I saw a figure standing behind me, but didn't make out exactly who it was for a few moments. 

Tears pooled up in my eyes and I began to hyperventilate as Steven wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Shhh." He cooed. "I'm so sorry baby, I didn't mean to scare you." He kissed my shoulder blade, trying to comfort me. 

"Jesus.... Fucking.... Christ..... Steven." I gasped in between heaves. I wiped the tears from my eyes, and tried to calm myself down, to no avail. 
Steven spun me around, and planted a light kiss on my lips, which then calmed me down instantly. 
"Please, don't ever do that again." I sighed. 

"I'm sorry, I just got up to use the bathroom, and since you weren't in bed, I figured you'd be here anyway... so I came to find you." He whimpered, his voice reaking of innocence, and embarrasment. 

"Ohh..." I muttered, looking down at my feet, a little embarrassed myself. "Okay... well... I'm gonna go back to bed. I guess, come back when you're done." I smiled a little, not making eyes contact with him as I shuffled past him, back into the bedroom. 
As I made my way over to the bed, I thought about everything I said before, and everything that's happened. 
I really can't be normal, as much as I try. I'll always be scared. I'll always be fucked up. Yeah, there are moments when Steven will make me feel normal.... bold, even, but I will never be what he wants me to be, and that terrifies me. 

I curled myself into a little ball under the covers, and sighed heavily. 
Minutes later, Steven came out of the bathroom, and joind me under the covers. Somehow, he ended up in my bed, which could fit us both comfortably.
Eventually, I could hear Steven's light snoring.
As hard as I tried, I couldn't fall asleep. I just kept thinking about what's best for Steven and I.

Eventually, I laid my head the soft down of the pillow, and fell into a deep sleep. 

~~~~~~~~~~

My eyes fluttered open, as light streamed in through the curtains, and stained the darkness in the room.
I peered around me at the empty room, as I sat up, and yawned, stretching my arms out.
Upon hearing some muffled snores, I looked down to my right, to see Steven fast asleep by my side. 
I snuck out of bed quietly, and tiptoed over to my suitcase, and picked out my outfit for the day; a pair of white, light, cloth pants, and a denim shirt, with the sleeves cut off, and a sinch-tie at the hem.
I gathered my clothes, and walked into the bathroom. I ran the hot water, got into the shower, and washed away all of the night's bad dreams.
As suds ran down my body, and eventually into the drain, I could feel myself getting cleaner by the second. 
When I was finally finished washing up, I felt happier; fresh, and new... if that makes any sense. 

I stepped out of the shower, quickly dried myself, and dressed into the outfit I chose. 
I brushed my wet hair, and braided it to the side, then I put on just a tad bit of make-up; only some mascara, and maybe a bit of eyeliner. 
I walked out of the bathroom, to find Steven still snoring, on my bed, which made me giggle, and roll my eyes. 
The clock only read '8:20' so I figured I would let him get his sleep.
I grabbed my hotel key, and snuck out the door, so he wouldn't wake up. 

I knew the tour bus was parked behind the hotel, so I strolled over to the elevator, and pressed the down button. I only had to wait a few moments until the elevator car arrived, and the doors dinged open. Of course, that cheesy elevator music was playing, which for some reason, made me smile. 
The ride down to the main lobby was surprisingly quick, considering our room was on the 10th floor of the hotel. 

The doors dinged open once again, and I stepped out of the elevator shaft, unusually happy. Infact, I was so happy, that I actually had to stop and think about when the last time was that I was in this good of a mood. It was weird for me, considering I haven't been happy in years. 

I walked out of the lobby, and to the special back door of the hotel, which was used for emergencies, a secret entrance for v.i.p hotel guests, and for hotel staff. 
As I opened the door, I felt the warm Pheonix air on my face, and the heat of the suns rays warming my skin. 
I inhaled the scent of the desert surrounding the hotel. It was beautiful. So natural, and somehow peaceful amidst the chaos of the city. 

I continued walking out the back door, and through the back parking lot, until I reached the grandiose tour bus. I stepped inside the bus, and closed the door behind me, to seal in the cool air, and escape the heat. 
I picked up Joe's acoustic guitar, which was still lying on one of the couches, and plopped down on one of the booth seats which were on either side of the table. I chose the one facing the door, so I could see if someone tried to come in. 

I tuned each string by ear, and began to pluck away at them, creating some weird, and different sounds. 
I stumbled upon that tune I made up on the bus yesterday morning, which Joe eventually turned into a song. 
I noticed the paper full of lyrics was still on the table. That's really odd that both Joe's guitar, and lyrics were out... he almost never forgets to put his things away, especially when it comes to his instruments. 
I brushed off the eerie feeling that chilled my bones, and continued reading through the lyrics. 

"Ridin' into to town alone
By the light of the moon
I'm lookin' for ole Sukie Jones
She Crazy Horse saloon
Barkeep gimme a drink
That's when she caught my eye
She turned to gimme a wink
That'd make a grown man cry."

I began to pluck out the tune again, matching it with the lyrics, then took a deep breath, and began to sing them out.

"I'm back in the saddle again
I'm back.
I'm back in the saddle again
I'm back..."

I found the pen that was lying right next to the piece of paper, and began to chew on the cap, thinking, as lyrics swirled around in my mind. 

"Umm......." I began to think out loud. "Easy come... Easy go? I gotta call the shots.... shots.... Oh! A gun!"
I nestled the guitar in my arms, as I scribbled down a few lines.
I rested the pen back on the table, and turned back to playing the guitar. 

"Easy come, Easy go
Alright, till the setting sun.
I'm calling all the shots tonight,
I'm like a loaded gun." I sang, as I plucked out the western sounding tune, which actually sounded more like galloping horse hooves.

"That's really good..." I jumped as I heard a voice. I slowly peeked up from under my lashes, to see Steven standing, showered and dressed, infront of me. "Are those Joe's lyrics, or did you write them?"

"I...uhh...." I paused, looking for an explanation. I thought I was doing a dirty thing, by touching Joe's guitars. "They're not really good... I was just.. uhh...."

"No.. no they are! Let's see what you've got so far." He smiled, and reached for the paper, as I bashfully handed it to him. "Good... But how about, umm... 'come easy, go easy', instead of 'easy come, easy go?' It puts a spin on the words, and makes it a bit more interesting."

Honestly, Steven's a musical genius. It actually baffles me sometimes. 
He plopped down in the booth across from me, and began to scribble words down next to the one's I previously wrote. 
I tried to peek at what he was writing, but he smiled and hid the words from me. After a few moments, he smiled up at me, and rotated the paper in my direction, so I could read the lyrics. 

"Here... try this..." He shoved the paper in my direction, with a grin permanently plaster across his face. 

"But... I'm not a singer Steven... how about you try singing it instead?" I sighed, embarrassed.

"Fine, but only if you promise to sing it afterwards." He was baring his pearly whites; his grin was contagious, because I felt a delicate smile creep it's way onto my lips. 

I continued to pluck away at the guitar strings, as Steven took a deep breath and began to sing. 
"Umm... Come easy, go easy
Alright... till the risin' sun
I'm calling all the shots tonight
I'm like a loaded gun
Peelin' off my boots and chaps
I'm saddle sore
Four bits gets you time in the racks
I scream for more..."

He had this great raspiness in his voice, especially when he strained it, and tried to flair out the ending of a lyric with a high note. 

"Fools gold out of their minds
The girls are soakin' wet
No tongue's drier than mine
I'll come when I get back." 

When he finished singing, I stopped strumming, and looked up at him in amazement. 

"Is writing a song really that easy for you?" I gasped in astonishment. 

"With you it is." He grinned, and winked. 
I felt like the blood in my cheeks was boiling, and I was about as red as a tomato. 
But I heard this weird rattling in the tiny shoe-box bedroom in the back of the tour bus, and my blood suddenly went ice cold.

"Is..... Is someone else in here?" I whispered.

Steven gave me a funny look, and then whispered back. "I don't know.."
He slowly stood up, and grabbed the guitar from my hands, holding it like a baseball bat, by the neck. 
He tip-toed to the back of the bus, and paused at the small door. 
He took a deep breath, and then swung the door open, only to scream like a little girl, dropped the guitar and ran right off the bus. 
I was terrified. Paralyzed with fear. Frozen in place. I had no idea what to expect what was in that room until....
A grey fluffy looking thing waddled out of the room, and stopped right infront of me. 

A raccoon..... Steven was scared of a raccoon.
I began laughing so hard, that tears were streaming down my face, making my vision blurry. 
The raccoon waddled off the bus, and scurried towards the dumpsters which were behind the hotel, in search of shade from the hot sun. 

When I calmed down, and whiped tears away from my eyes, I grabbed the lyrics we were just working on, and walked off the bus, and headed back towards the hotel. 

Within second of me walking off the bus, a strong pair of arms wrapped around my waist. For a moment, I thought it was Steven, until one arm freed itself from my waist, and covered my eyes...

"STEVEN!!!" I shrieked at the top of my lungs. 

"Shut up, bitch!" The voice snarled... it was so distinct... so familiar.... it... it was..... it was him.
I kicked my leg back, hitting him directly in the shin, which made him leg go, and howel in pain.
I made a break for it and sprinted towards the back door of the hotel. I pulled on the handle, hoping to reach safety.. but it was locked. I began pounding on it as hard as I could. 

"Help!" I screamed into the door. "Please! Help me!"
I peeked over my shoulder, and saw him staggering to his feet, and he began to fiercely limp towards me. 

"GOD DAMNIT PLEASE! SOMEBODY OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!" I screamed even louder. 
He was getting closer... I knew this would be the end. 

Suddenly, the door flung itself open, and Ralph, the security/body guard for Aerosmith, was standing there with Steven, who seemed absolutely terrified at the thought of a raccoon being in his bus. 
He saw me, and then looked at the limping man behind me, and lost all color in his face. 
Steven grabbed my wrist, and pulled me behind him, being quite protective.

"Ralph, please restrain this man, while I call the cops." Steven hissed.

He stopped dead in his tracks, noticed who I was standing with, and then darted away from us, and around the building. 
As Ralph sprinted after him, Steven picked me up, and carried me through the lobby, not even bothering to stop for any reporters or paparazzi. He headed straight for the elevator, and only set me down once were were alone in the shaft together. 
In no time, the doors pulled back, as Steven lifted me up again, and carried me to our room, opening the door with one hand, while still craddling me with the other. 
He shut and locked the door behind him, and then walked over to the bed, and sat me down. He then sat down next to me and curled me into his arms, hugging me tightly. 
He was trying to soothe me, but I could tell he was just as scared as I was. 

I wasn't crying. Wasn't hyperventillating. I wasn't having an anxiety or panic attack.
I was catatonic. 
Staring blankly. 
Breathing so slowly, so calmly, it's as if I wasn't breathing at all.
I couldn't speak. Couldn't cry. Couldn't change my facial expressions. 
It's as if I was frozen. Paralyzed. 
I couldn't hear anything but I high pitched ringing in my ear drums. 

My hearing only came back when Steven began to shake me. 
"Alex..... Alex...." He kept calling my name, but I couldn't answer. "Alexandra...."

There was a knock at the door, which demanded Steven to release me from his grip, and to go look through the little peep hole of the door. 
I heard the lock snap, and the door then opened. 
Joe, Joey, Ralph, Tom, and Brad, all walked into the room, and instantly surrounded me, asking a million questions. 

I didn't respond. Didn't move. Didn't blink or breathe.
I just stared blankly ahead of me, as still as a statue. 

"What's wrong with her?" Joey asked.
"Alex... are you okay?" Joe placed his hand on the small of my back, as he sat down next to me. 
"Of course she's not okay, you fucking idiots... She's catatonic." Brad rolled his eyes, and tried to look me directly in the eye. "Her pupils are dialated too... She's completely out of it."

"Cata-whoey?" Tom questioned "What are you... some doctor?"

"No.." Brad smirked, "I just happen to know alot about shit like this." 

"Can she even hear us?" Joey asked.

"Probably not... she's probably contemplating life right now.... what happened anyway? Why is she like this?" Brad turned to Steven who was mumling something in the corner of the room to Ralph. 

I could hear them. I could hear every word perfectly. I just couldn't answer. Even if I wanted too, I feel like I can't move, or speak. Even if I tried to open my mouth, no words would flow out. I was completely paralyzed. 

"He's back... somehow he escaped from jail or something, and that Richard guy found her... He was outside of the tour bus, and I guess he must've grabbed her when she walked off of it." Steven announced to the room.

"I chased him around the block," Ralph cut in, justifying himself. "But he jumped into traffic on the main road across the the hotel entrance, and ran off. I would've followed him, but I almost got hit by like, 4 different cars, so I called the authorities, and notified them that he was loose, and tried to take Alexandra again." 

Steven looked over at me, with sad weary eyes. 
He made his way over to me, and sat down next to me, pulling me into his arms, again. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

We all stayed just like that, for hours. It was getting dark. 
The attempted kidnapping was around 9 a.m, and from the looks of the muted light coming from outside, it was sunset, which meant it was probably around 7:30 p.m.
Ralph guarded the door, while Joey, Joe, Brad and Tom all sat around the room, mumbling to each other. At one point Brad left to get a guitar from his hotel room, and came back within minutes, while Joe scribbled words down on some paper. 
Joey and Tom were whispering some secret conversation, while occasionally stealing glances from Steven and I. 
It was like a funeral home in this room. 
The mood was depressing and dreary. The lighting was very dark and dim, and it was almost silent. 

I hadn't moved. 
I've been curled up in Steven's arms, never blinking, breathing, or even attempting to speak. 
I was a statue, for almost 12 hours. 

"How...." I muttered. 
If I thought the room was silent before... it was 10 times worse now. The kind of silence that's actually deafening. The silence that's so silent, it causes a ringing in your ears. 
All eyes were on me. I continued to stare into space, but all I could do was mutter the same syllable over and over again.

"How... how.. how..." I kept mumbling.
Finally, all the hidden pent up emotions were finally being released, and almost like breaking down the wall of a dam, the water came flooding out.
I couldn't breathe I was sobbing so hard. My tears stained Steven's shirt as he pulled me into his chest.

"How... is... this... possible..." I gasped in between heaves. "How.... did.... he.... get.... out?!"
I sobbed harder and harder, as the minutes past. 
No one said anything. No one dared to speak, or even breathe for that matter. 
They all just let me have my moment.

About an hour of heavy sobbing was enough for me to fully calm down. 
I was so exhausted from the crying, that I just sat in Steven's arms, moments away from falling asleep, when I peeked up at Steven, who has a very grave, passive expression across his face. 

"How did he get out?" I asked him... Somehow, I knew he had the answer, though he stayed silent for several moments, contemplating whether to tell me or not.
He opened his mouth as if to speak, but then closed it again. "Please tell me.."

"Apparently, someone paid his bail... someone very rich, and someone with access to the dates we'll be in certain cities..." He paused, and then looked down at me. His eyes were filled with pain. I could tell there was still something he wasn't telling me. 

"What is it?" I sighed.

"They also think that it's someone from the inside.......like.... someone that's here, touring with us.."