Run Away From The Pain

Solving The Mysterious Puzzle of Life.... Without All Of The Pieces.

Nothing feels right. I honestly feel like an errant, ignorant child. 
How could this happen? How am I not the person I thought I was? 

I looked in the fogged mirror of the bathroom, at my ghastly complexion. 
My scraggly brown hair, was soaked, and limp; hanging down to my waist. 
My golden eyes, which reminded me so much of Isabella's, were hollow, and distant. 

"I am Alexandra Hastings." I repeated to myself. "I was born and raised in New Jersey. Victor Hastings and Julia Hastings, were my parents, and my brother Johnny is the most annoying person on the planet. I'm going to wake up from this terrible dream. None of this is real."
I just kept repeating that that over and over, until my hair dried. 

"Alex...." Steven called from outside the locked bathroom door. "Alex, please open up.." 

I couldn't respond. I couldn't feel anything but a numbness. 

I couldn't do anything, but curl up into a ball, and think over what had just happened to me. 
I was just taken... My life would never be the same, unless I could get out of here.
I was locked in some strangers basement... I have no way out, and even if I did, I have no idea where I am, or how far from home I am. 
I couldn't feel anything but a tingling numbness all over my body. 

I shuffled over, unlocked the door, and then returned to my spot infront of the mirror. 
The door steadily creaked open, and Steven popped his head in, then slowly pulled his whole body into the room, shutting the door behind him. 

"Alex... are you okay? You haven't said a word since last night.." His uneasy voice, didn't help with the extreme anxiety I was feeling. 

I didn't speak.. didn't move... didn't blink or even breathe. 

"Alex.. I'm begging you to say something." He was almost in tears he was so worried. "What happened?" 

I opened my mouth, but abruptly shut it again, realizing no words would come out. 
When I opened my mouth to try and speak again, there was a knock on the door. 

"Hey.. Alex... Someone's here to see you.." Joe called through the door, the bitter smell of empathy seeping it's way through the crack underneathe the door. 

I already knew who it was..
I took a deep breath, and walked past Steven, opening up the door.
I peered down at my feet, as I walked into the main bedroom area of the room.

I stopped walking when I reached the middle of the room, and looked up, seeing someone I would've never expected to see. 

"DAD?!" I practically screamed and jumped into the arms of Victor Hastings. "Oh my god, what are you doing here?! I missed you so much!" 

"Hey, honey. I missed you too... umm... I got a phone call saying you were here, and I needed to come see you." He tightened his gentle grip, and pulled me in for a bear hug, just like he did when I was younger. 

When I realized what he said, I pulled back from the hug, and gave him a wary look. 

"Who called you..." I begged for an answer. 
He looked around the room, at the 6 men I've grown to love, and who have been like family for the past few weeks. 

"Gentlemen, may I have a moment alone with Alex?" 
Steven stepped closer to us, clearly being a bit protective. 

"I'm sure they won't mind." I answered for them, and then grabbed his hand, pulling him out to the balcony that was attatched to the hotel room. 
I closed the sliding glass door behind us, so they wouldn't hear the conversation...
I already knew the answer to who had called him... I already knew what he wanted to talk about. 
I just wasn't ready to tell the band yet... I liked this life, and as much as I missed my family, I'm not so sure I was ready to go back just yet.. I didn't want them to know about this.

"Alex..." My father sighed. "You already know who called me, don't you..." He smirked a little. 

"You know me so well..." I sighed. 
He really did.. Victor and I had the closest, father-daughter relationship possible. He was my best friend, my mentor, teacher, and father. 

"So I assume you know that I'm not actually your father.." He sighed, mimmicking me. 

"You're my uncle... aren't you?" I peered up into his flaring hazle eyes. 

"Yes. I am... And you know your name isn't actually Alexandra Hastings... but rather Anastasia Cecilia?"  He had this undescribable tone is his voice, like he was trying so hard not to offend me.

"I like Alex better..." A groan escaped my lips, in a defiant manner. 

"Me too..." He giggled a little, and then sighed. "When your father, my brother, called me and told me that you were in serious danger, I instantly agreed to come to Samarinia and bring you back to the U.S."

"What was the danger that I was in? I mean, what kind of parents just abandon their kid like that?!" I was getting ajditated, and annoyed. "It's like a 'here, just take the little brat, cause we don't want her anymore.' kind of feeling.... Can you imagine how that feels? And anyway... The fuck is Samarinia? That sounds like something you get out of a cheesy Disney VHS."

"It's your home country." Victor rolled his eyes, clearly amused. "And that wasn't the purpose of me taking you... The danger was that there was a man that was after you, and he was getting closer and closer. Your parents thought it would be best if I took you, in hopes that he would think something had happened to you, and would've given up the chase. I was going to give you back to them when they found him, or on your 18th birthday, whichever came first." 

"But I was happy with you... With Mama, and with Johnny... Why would you pin that kind of relatively important information on me... why wouldn't you just tell me when I was younger... I could've been more aware... Maybe I wouldn't have been taken then...." My words lingered in the air, as my mind drifted back to the dream I had.

'He goes by the initials R.H... He has caramel coloured hair, and large round glasses....'

I gasped and stumbled back, knocking myself into the protective railing.
Try to catch my breath, I slid down the railing, until my back was propped up against it.
I pulled my legs into me, and curled up into a ball, trying to think of this circle of events and how they all tied into one another.

"It was him!" I gasped. "R.H.... R.H! Richard Hainsworth! My kidnapper found me and he took me!" I almost screamed, and jumped up, staring intently at the man I've called 'father' for so many years. 

"Dad..Uncle.... whatever you are..." I winced at the rudeness of that last sentence, "R.H were the initial of the man that was after me.. correct?"

"Y-yes...." He gasped. "How'd you know?"

"I had a dream about this little girl, and Isabella and Andrew, and you were in it too, and you were all discussing the man that was after the little girl.. his initials were R.H... The name of the man that kidnapped me was Richard Hainsworth! He has caramel colored hair!" I was so excited to finally be solving this mystery that my life has become. 

"Where is he?!" My Uncle seemed just as excited, or scared, as I was. 

"I put him in the hospital....." I muttered under my breath.. "He's in a coma, back in Vegas somewhere. He found me, and came after me, and I kicked him in the face.."

"That's my girl." He grinned.. I honestly felt as though he was truly my father. I missed that time in my life when he was, and things were simpler. "Has he been taken into custody yet?"

"Yeah.. there was a cop with him when we saw him in the hospital, and he assured me that he was going to be in jail for the rest of his life." I exhaled a sigh of relief. 

"Perfect... so you're safe, and now that you're.... What? like.. 20 years old now.. You can decide what you'd like to do with your life." He seemed as nostalgic, as I was. "If you wish to go back to Samarinia with your parents, than you can.. If you wish to come home with me, you can... and If you wish to go on your own, and figure out life for yourself, you can." 

"Dad... I..." I sighed. "For right now, I want to finish the tour with Aerosmith. I'm having so much fun, and they're all like brothers to me." 

"Except for Steven.." Victor winked

"W-what?" I choked on my own spit. 

"Come on... I know you better than that... I can see it in the way he looks at you, and you at him. The way he stepped next to you, he was all protective. Guys only do that for girls they care about." He smiled. 

"Well... he's sort of my boyfriend..." I blushed, and glanced down to my feet, as a rush of cool Colorado wind rustled my hair around my face. "It's weird though... I haven't gotten used to it."

"Well, I'm happy for you." His smiled turned into a serious glower. "But, honey, if he hurts you, I'll kick his scrawney rockstar ass all the way back to where ever it is he came from.. "

"Okay, Dad," I giggled, putting a sarcastic emphasis on the last word. "And he's from Yonkers.." 

"I love you, Anastasia Cecilia Elena Dawson." He pulled me in for a hug, and kissed me on the forehead. "But to me, you'll always be Alexandra Hastings; my little baby girl." 

"I love you too Uncle Victor," I sighed into his chest. "But to me, you'll always be my Dad." 

"We should get back inside, before they think I murdered you." He chuckled.

"Yeah...." I sighed, refusing to let go of him. "But, can this be our little secret for now? I don't want the guys to know just yet..."

"Of course." 

After a few minutes, we pulled out of the nostalgic embrace, and walked back into the room, where no doubt everyone was waiting for us.
Steven shot up, and kept his eyes on me, as I strolled back into the room, arm in arm with my Uncle.

"So what's up for the day?" My dad asked. "Do you wanna have a day to catch up?"

"Well... We've got a show tonight," Steven but into the conversation. "If you wanna come." 

"Sounds great!" He chuckled. 
There was suddenly another knock at the door of the hotel room. 

"I'll get it." I smiled, and unwound my arm from my fathers, and went to the door. 

As I turned the knob, and opened the door, my giddy smile, turned into a repulsed frown.
Isabella, and Andrew were standing in the hall, with worry smearing the obviously fake expression of joy they were wearing. 
I didn't want to hate them, or be angry with them. They clearly had justifiable reasons for doing what they did... But that doesn't mean it hurt any less.

"Isabella.... Andrew..." I muttered. Uncle Victor noticed, and walked over to us. 

"Brother!" Victor grinned and pulled my biological father into a bear hug. 

I heard whispers behind me, and I only slightly turned my head to see confusion engrace itself on the faces of my 5 favorite band members, and Ralph. 
"Who's that?" I heard Joey whisper to Steven, who only shrugged in responce.

"Please, come in." I sighed, and stepped away from the door so they could all make their way into the room.
Both Isabella, and Andrew strode into the room with so much elegance and grace, I actually felt inferior. 

"Steven, Joe, Tom, Brad, Joey, and Ralph..." I sighed, "This is my Aunt Isabella, and my Uncle Andrew.."

"I didn't know you had an aunt or uncle.." Steven whispered to me. 

"Yeah, neither did I until yesterday." I rolled my eyes. "They're from East Bumblefuck, Europe." I grumbled.

"Excuse me, watch your tone." Isabella squaked. My only responce was the dirtiest look I could possibly muster up, and shot her way, which only made her glower further. 

The awkward silence quickly filled the room, making it hard to breathe. The tension between us all, was so thick I could cut it with a knife. 
"So....." I gasped, trying to breathe. "Uhh.... I'm gonna go. I need sometime to think about all the bullshit that was just placed on my fucking shoulders."

With that, I turned on my heel, and strode out of the door. 
Moments later, I heard footsteps pounding on the floor behind me, and suddenly Steven was huffing and puffing next to me, trying to regain his breathing. 

"Where are you going?!" He almost shouted, making me flinch. 

"Just follow me." I moaned, and continued down the hall, and into the elevator. 
We stood in silence as the car pulled us down towards the lobby of the hotel. 
When the quiet ride was over, we stepped out into the crowded area of the hotel, and quickly claimed the attention of everyone around us, who was calling out Steven's name, and  snapping photo's of us. 
Only as a reaction, I found Steven's hand, and interlocked our fingers, pulling him along, to reach our destination. 

I pulled him through the lobby, and into the back of the employee room, which we were allowed to go into, for use of a more private escape from the hotel. 
I continued towing him through the building, until we reached the back door, which I shoved open.
We stepped out into the cold Colorado air, which had quickly changed from a mild chill, to a frozen landscape, as large flakes of snow began to quickly fall from the sky. 

"Alex, please tell me where we're going..." He called to me. I ignored him and continued to grasp his hand, pulling him through the white blanket that was solidifying on the ground. 

Finally, we reached the very end of the back parking lot, where the bus was located. 
I unlocked it, and stepped inside, as Steven quickly followed, shutting door, and trapping the warm air inside the bus. 

I walked over to the couch, and sat down, picking up one of Joe's guitars, and beginning to strum away the first song I've ever learned on guitar; Gimme Shelter.

After moments of nothing but the ping of guitar strings, filling the air, Steven cut the silence. 

"Alex, tell me what the fuck is going on... this is ridiculous that I haven't gotten more than 3 words out of you in more than 12 hours... Just fucking talk to me." He snapped. I turned to look him directly in the eye, and I could tell he was filled to the brim with anxiety.
I felt terrible keeping him out of the loop, because I knew this would only add more stress for him. He was already killing himself with this tour and the new album, and I was only making things worse. 

"A lot just happened, that I don't even know how to mentally process.." I sighed, and leaned my head on his shoulder. 
I was about to share with him the biggest thing that has happened since sliced bread, and I knew I wouldn't be able to look him in the eye.

"So.... I just found out, that Aunt Isabella, and Uncle Andrew, aren't actually my aunt and uncle, and my father, isn't actually my father..." I got out in a rush.

"What the fu-"

"That's what I found out last night at dinner." I cut him off. "Isabella, and Andrew are actually my parents, and Victor is actually my uncle... My birth parents gave me to him when I was around like.. 3 or four years old, to keep me safe, because someone was after me since I was a little kid... I wasn't even born in the U.S... Apparently I'm from this place in Europe called Samarinia.."

"Where the hell is that?! And, Do they know who he is?" Concern drowning out his normal tone of voice.

"Him." was all I could manage. 

"What?!" Steven's voice rose so many octaves, so quickly, that his voice cracked. 

"No one knew that name of the man that was after me... he only went by the initials of R.H.." I slowly let the information sink into to both mine, and Steven's brain. "Richard Hainsworth...." I said again, picking my head up off of Steven's shoulder, and looking into his bewildered eyes. 

"No..." He gasped.

"Yep.." I muttered in responce. "He found out where I went after about 10 years, and kidnapped me.."

"Fucking insane..." Was all he could manage. 

"I know..." I sighed. "But... please don't tell anyone else... I honestly didn't even want to tell you. I know how much stress you guys are all under with the tour and the album, and I don't want to drop such catastrophic news on all of you like this... especially Joe... I feel like he's about to have a heart attack."

"I won't, I promise..." He half heartedly giggled. "Are you okay though? Like... mentally? You're not going to freak out, and go all catatonic on me again, or...." He froze, fear clogging his chocolate brown eyes. "You're not gonna leave me....right?" 

"I'll be fine, eventually... I mean... I'm 20 years old... I'm an adult now, so I don't have to listen to what either of them tell me to do. I can make my own decisions, and my decision is to stay here with you. And no, I'm not gonna go all catatonic again."  I smiled, looking up into his gorgeous chocolate pools. 

He leaned down and kissed me with so much passion, and fire, that it actually shocked me. 
It shocked me, because I felt the exact same way... I felt all that he was feeling for me, which was something so new. 

I was honestly in love with this man.
And that terrified me. 

"Steven... I...." 
He hushed me by pressing his voluminous lips to mine.

"I know.." He exhaled.

"I want you..." I set the most piercing gaze upon him, it amazed me that he didn't look away. 
Without another word, he kissed me hard on the mouth. 
He coaxed my lips to open, allowing his tongue to slither in and explore the areas of my mouth. 
A small moan escaped my lips, as he moved from my mouth, to my jaw line, and down to my neck. 
With a quick movement, he picked me up, and carried me to the tiny bedroom in the back of the bus. 

He set me down on the soft black sheets of the bed, and continued to kiss my neck, giving me little love bites here and there.

Was I scared? Yes. Beyond terrified. Was I ready? I'm not sure. But, did I want this? More than anything. I loved this man, though I'd never admit it, and I so desperately wanted to make him happy, and I knew this was a sure fire way to do that. 

He slowly undressed me, and I him. 
He paused, and peered down into my eyes, as he hovered over me, naked. 

"Are you sure you want to do this? I'm not forcing you to do anything yo-" 
I cut him off with a hard kiss on the mouth, which I assume he took that as a yes. 
With a small movement of his hips, I felt him. 

He was kind, and gentle, unlike him. 
This was what making love truly was. 
This was pure happiness. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I laid there, wrapped in a mix of the soft sheets, and Steven's arms. 
Eventually I rolled over to face him, and kissed his nose lightly. 
"That was amazing." I smiled, and blushed. 

"No..." He grinned "That was perfect. You're an amazing lover." 

"Why, thank you." I sighed. "That was my first actual time... I mean... consentual, anyway." 

"I'm sorry..." He seemed embarassed, almost upset, even. 

"Why? It was fantastic, and I'm honestly glad it happened, I wouldn't have wanted it to happen with anyone else, but you." I smiled, and planted a soft kiss on his lips. "I didn't think I'd be ready to do this that quickly though.. I'm a little shocked at myself." 

"Honestly, I was shocked too." He smiled

"We should get back to the room... Everyone's probably waiting for us... plus, you got a show tonight, so you'll probably want to start practicing.." I said, unwinding his arms from around my waist, and getting up to put my clothes back on. 

Steven just laid in bed watching me, as I pulled the black bell bottoms, and buttoned them up. 
"Get out of bed, lazy!" I smiled, and threw his shirt at him, then I grabbed the maroon sweater I was wearing, and pulled it on over my head. 

I put on my boots, and then watched as Steven dressed in his cashmire button up shirt, which as usual, was half way unbuttoned, though you would think he'd be smart and button it all the way, considering the weather. He tugged his leather pants up around his waist, and fastened the belt, then wrapped his scarf around his neck, and pulled his leather jacket on over his shirt. 
He finished off by putting his boots back on, and then straightening up, and walking towards me. 

"Let's go, Alex.." He smiled, and grabbed my hand, but I couldn't move.. I froze in place.

"Oh...." I sighed. "That's another thing I forgot to tell you.."

"Oh no.... What?" He muttered 

"My real name isn't Alexandra Hastings..." I chuckled sadistically. "That's another thing I learned; my birth name is Anastasia Cecilia Elena Dawson..... but I like Alex better... It's less regal... more normal..." I grinned a little. 

"So...... what should I call you?" He seemed confused. 

"Just stick with Alex." I smiled, and kissed him. 

"Gotcha, darlin'.... but you know.. Your initials spell A.C.E.. that's a pretty cool name too. " He kissed me back, and then lead me off of the bus, and back up towards the hotel room. 

I thought about that... Hmmm... I like Ace.. it's cool, actually... If I ever attempt at my old life, from before I was even given away, I could ask people to call me Ace.. I like it. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Jesus, there you guys are." Joe huffed as we walked back into the hotel room.  "We thought you died or something... We were literally about to call the cops." 

"We were only gone for like... an hour or two.. calm down." I scoffed, still clutching Steven's hand. "Anyway, we didn't ask you to stay here and wait for us."
He, as well as Isabella, and Andrew, all peered down at our intertwined fingers.
Joe laughed, and winked, while Isabella, and Andrew seemed shocked, and almost upset. 
They definitely all knew what had just happened... How? I'll never know. 

"Whatever... We've got a show... We should probably head out to the venue in like a half hour or so." He commented back. 

"Okay, if you guys want, you can head out, and I'll stay here with my dad, and finish gettiung ready, than we can meet you there?" I turned to Victor, who nodded in agreement. 
"Sounds like a plan." He smiled.

"What about your Aunt and Uncle?" Joey asked. 
I knew he meant no harm, obviously he didn't know the situation, so how could he?
Regardless, I was so annoyed that he said that, I wanted to take one of his drum sticks and shove it where the sun don't shine. 

"They're not coming." I snapped, and walked to the bathroom. 

"Why not?" Brad asked cooly, which made me stop in my tracks, hoping to come up with an answer. 

"Because they're busy.." I shot them a look, which only made them flush with embarassment, and hurt. 
Like I said, I didn't want to hate them, this was just how I'm processing and taking the information.
It's a natural reaction... I mean, god forbid your parents abandoned you at an early age, and then just expect to come back into your life almost 15 years later.. No... that's not okay.. You'd be pissed off too. 

I sauntered into the bathroom, and applied some make-up; nothing more than some smoked out eyeshadow, eyeliner, and mascara. I applied a quick swipe of lipstick, and then walked out of the bathroom about a half hour later, to find that everyone, with the exception of my father, and Ralph, had left. 

"You guys ready to go?" I smiled.

"Yeah." My father grinned, as he and Ralph, followed me out the door.