Run Away From The Pain

Out Go The Lights

I woke up to Steven's body heat radiating against me, which made me smile and roll over to face him.
He was still asleep, and he looked so peaceful; his eyelids shut lightly, closing out the world around him, and his breathing was soft and slow.

I wanted to get up, and get ready for the day, but I didn't want to disturb him at all.
I looked over his shoulder at the clock, which told me it was 8:15 a.m.
Suddenly, the door creaked open and Claudia tip toed in with a large tray of food in her hand.

I peeked up at her and put a finger to my lips, signaling for her to be very quiet, as I slithered my way out of Steven's grasp.
I successfully got out of bed without waking him up and went out to the balcony attached to my room, where Claudia, and breakfast, were waiting for me.

I tip toed out of the room, and over to the french glass door, soundlessly opening, and closing them behind me.

"Well goodmorning to you." She smiled as she peeked up from the newspaper she was reading, which was written in all Samarinian. "I see someone had a fun night, considering Steven's still lying in your bed.."

"Oh shut up." I chuckled, taking a bowl of fresh fruit and the silver fork that was lying next to it, digging into the sweet treat. "We didn't even do anything but sleep. We were too exhausted. You.. on the other hand..."
I raised my eyebrows up and down playfully, and then winked, which only made her turn bright red and laugh.

"Oh my god you did, didn't you!" I screeched, which only made her hide her face behind the daily paper, in embarassment. "You definitely slept with him!"

"Y-yeah.." She stuttered slightly.

"Well..." I nudged her elbow, grasping her attention. "How was it?!"

"How was what?" We both looked up from the table, to find Steven leaning up against the glass door, with a cheeky little grin plastered on his face.

"Ohh.. Nothing." I smirked and winked at Claudia, keeping her secret safe with me.

"Ohh come on," He pouted, adorably. "I wanna know."

"Joe'll probably tell you later anyway.." I sighed, taking another fork full of strawberries.

"He will?!" Claudia gasped, looking up from her paper.

"I mean, unless you don't want him to.." I paused, and then smiled. "But Steven's like his brother, so... let's be honest, he's gonna tell him, regardless of what you say."

"Ohh," Steven chuckled a bit, taking a seat next to me. "I get it now.. They slept together, and she's embarassed."

"Oh my god, does everyone know?!" Claudia threw her head back and groaned with frustration, which only made Steven and I laugh.

"No!" I giggled, "It's like twin telepathy, or something. They just know.. Like Joe knew the second Steven and I first.. well... yeah.." I smiled sheepishly at Steven, who had a full blown grin on his face.

"You never answered the question though.." Steven smirked.

"What question?" Claudia asked, perplexed.

"How was it?" I answered for Steven.

"Uhmm.... well..." She was clearly embarassed; it's apparently not proper ediquette to talk about just private afairs, in the royal palace. It's "raunchy".

"Well?" Steven and I both egged her on.

"It was amazing.." She giggled, turning as red as a tomato.

"Well, congrats." Steven nodded her way and then peeked down at the food before us, stealing a plate of food from me. "Room service? I'd kill to be royal."

"It's got it's perks." I grinned, stealing a bite of the hotcakes that were on his plate. I turned towards Claudia, with a smug grin on my face. "So, are you ready for tonight?"

"What's tonight?" She was clearly confused.

"The first show of the tour!" I giggled, bouncing in my seat. "It's so much fun! You'll love it!"
"Yeah, It get's crazy!" Steven winked at me, and turned back to his food.

When we finished eating, I helped Claudia clean up; then I went to go shower, and Steven went back to his room so he could clean up as well.
I stripped out of my pajama pants, and my t-shirt, and step underneath the warm water pouring out of the showerhead.
As I washed all the soapy bubbles out of my hair and off of my body, I mentally prepared myself for the events that were about to come. 
I thought back to my first Aerosmith concert, when I met Steven, and then the first concert I actually stood backstage and saw. 

To think that was just a few short months ago; I was such a different person then. 
I was broken beyond repair. I was tired, and I was ready to give up. 
Then I became free. I met Steven, and my life had a new meaning.... All because I went to an Aerosmith concert. 

I shut off the water and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around myself. 
Quickly, I dried my hair letting it wave out, and applied some eyeliner and mascara. 
Instantly, I walked out of the bathroom and over to my desk where my record player sat, and began to blast Rocks, to get into the spirit of the show tonight.
I made my way over to the double french doors of my closet, and rumaged through piles of clothes, hoping to find a decent outfit for tonight, as well as begin packing up my clothes for the rest of the tour. 

I eventually settled for a pair of tight jeans, and a tight black top, which laced up the front, and had a deep v-neck. The sleeves were tight, until they reached my elbow, at which point they flaired out and became loose and flowy. 
I looked in the mirror at my outfit and... well... damn. I really have morphed from some scared little girl, to a confident, sexy woman. 

"You look so sexy..." I turned around to see Steven, leaning up against the closed door, that lead to his closet. He was wearing a pair of black tight jeans, and a rolling stones t-shirt. It's almost as if he ready my mind. 

"Why thank you." I giggled flirtatiously, and tried my hardest to walk sexily over to him, but I ended up failing miserably and tripping over my own two feet. 
Luckily, he caught me and spun me around, turning my clutzy action into an awesome dance move, making us both laugh like crazy. 

"You clutz." He chuckled and kissed my forehead. 
I grabbed his hand and pulled him out the closet, and into my bedroom, where the record was still playing. "You're listening to this again?" He asked, with that same cheeky grin on his face. 

"Yeah," I smiled sheepishly. "I love it.. can't get enough of it."

"Well I love you, and definitely can't get enough of you." He smiled, and wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me in close to him, so there was absolutely no space in between us. My chest was glued to his torso, and our breathing was totally in sync, as we stared into each others eyes. 

Now, I'm not one for mushy, gushy, romantic moments, but I couldn't have been happier. 
I swear, I'm about to puke on the spot from the amount of butterflies in my stomach. 
And, of course, there was a knock at the door like there always is, when Steven and I even get somewhat romantic. 

"What?" I called out, never tearing my gaze from Steven's.

"Hey, Ace. Do you want to go riding before we head out for the show tonight?" Claudia called from behind my closed doors.

"Yeah, I'll be out in a minute." I called back.
Steven cupped my face in his hands and planted a tender kiss upon my lips. 
After a few moments he pulled back and sighed heavily.

"Go get your boots on, cowgirl." He chuckled.
I grinned and went back into my closet, and fetched my western boots, slipped them on, and then walked back out to where Steven was. 
I grasped his hand and pulled him out the door, only to find Claudia and Joe waiting for us. 

"You ready?" Claudia smiled at me, while playing with Joe's fingers. 

"Of course." I smiled and turned to Steven. "Are you guys gonna come, or are you gonna go get ready for the concert?" 
He looked at Joe for a moment, who was lost in Claudia's eyes.

"I think we'll hang out here, and get ready for tonight, if you don't mind?" He had this sweet, apologetic tone in his voice. 

"No problem, baby." I chuckled and pecked him, quickly, on the lips. "Come on, Claud." I grinned, grabbing her free hand and tugging her out of Joe's grip. 
We giggled as we bounded away, and headed out towards the stables. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Claudia and I took Spades and Tanner up to the creek that flowed through the property, and we were just sitting, taking in the serenity of the sounds around us. 
"You love him, don't you?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"What?" She asked, taken aback. 

"You love Joe.." I pointed out. "I can tell by the way you look at him."

"I've only known the man for two days.." She sighed. 

"48 hours is a long time.." I chuckled. 

"He was my first.." She confessed.

"Wait... what?!" I spun my head around so fast, I think I got whiplash. 

"I couldn't help it... I.. well..." She bowed her head in embarassment and stumbled on her words. "I don't know, I liked him so much, and I felt such a connection... I... I said yes, and we well, did it.. He was my first." 

"Does he know that?!" I raised an eyebrow.

"No.. I don't think so." She sighed heavily. 

"I think you should tell him." I suggested. "He should know." 

"Should I do it tonight?" She turned to look me directly in the eye. "Before or after the show?" 

"After the show." I sighed

"Okay.." She smiled. "We should head back."

Without another word, we spurred on the beasts, and headed back to the stables.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Woah..." Claudia gasped, "So this is the inside of a dressing room?" 

"Yeah," I laughed "It is. But this is Steven's dressing room. I think Joe's is across the hall." 

"Ohh... Well okay." She smiled, and skipped out the door in search of Joe. 

I sat in silence for a few moments as Steven was still in the tiny bathroom that was attached to his dressing room. It felt so surreal, about 4 months ago, I was seeing this place for the first time, and now it's become a typical thing for me. Even after Steven and I split, it felt as though I never left. Like this was a never ending dream. 
Steven emerged from the bathroom clad in a hot pink cheetah print jumpsuit, with his hair all fluffed out.

"So, are you excited for the show tonight?" I giggled a bit.
He seemed more hyper than usual, or atleast than he was before. 

"Hell yeah!" He squealed, and bounced over to the vanity that was on the other side of the room from the couch I was sitting on. 
He instantly picked up a stick of dark eyeliner, and began applying it. 
He was having some trouble, and kept messing up the lines. "Fuck! I can't do this... Babe, can you help me?"

I chuckled, shaking my head, as I got up from where I was seated and strolled over to him. 
I straddled him, leaning in so my face was inches from his. 
"Stay still." I whispered, lightly kissing his lips. 
I leaned back, so I could get a full view of his face. I took the pencil from him, and fixed his eyeliner for him, smudging it out a bit. 

When I finished, I placed the pencil down on the vanity table, and cupped his face, sending tender kissed up his jaw line, finally reaching his lips. 
His lips parted, allowing me to slide my tongue in, and moments later, his tongue followed mine, and did a tango. 

His hands rubbed my thighs lightly, sending a tingling feeling spiriling through the pit of my stomach, and making me moan for more. 
Minutes had gone by and we were still heavily making out; I needed to break apart for air, though I highly doubt Steven needed too... those damn singers lungs and all. 

I pulled back, panting heavily. Steven gazed into my eyes for what seemed like ages. 
As I looked into his own, I saw something.. well... unusual.
His eyes were extremely dialated, and distant. 
I've seen him like this before... but at that point, I was too high to care. 
Now, I'm completely sober, and I care more than anything.

"Steven, you're using again..." I sighed. "Aren't you.."

"Nah, baby, why would you say that?" He replied calmly.

"Because I know you are..." I scoffed. "Please don't lie to me."
I got off of his lap, and walked into the small bathroom to find an eight ball and a razor sitting on the counter of the sink. All I could do was laugh and roll my eyes. 
It's taking everything I've got, to not steal it and snort every last ounce of that coke, right here right now. 

"Steven.." I sighed, as I took a step closer to the sugar lying out before my very eyes. 
I felt him come up behind me, and wrap his arms around my waist, placing his head on my shoulder. 
"You said you stopped.." 

"I know... but I lied." He exhaled, mimmicking my heartfelt sorrow. 

"Why?" I turned my head, so my lips were inches from his. 

"Because I wanted you back so badly." He looked deep into my golden gaze. 

"Well, I actually stopped.." I was getting frustrated. "I have no choice. I'm a public figure now... I can't be gacked to the nines all the time, like we used to be."

"Why not? I'm a public figure, and no one knows I'm high as a kite." He chuckled a bit.

Steven, everyone knows you're a coke head!" I gasped "You're the posterboy for rock n' roll! Everyone just expects you to be on fucking drugs, anyway!"
I tore myself from his grip, and walked out of the bathroom, cringing that I was so close to slipping back into the terrible abyss that drugs have brought me to. 

As I walked back into the main part of the dressing room, there was a knock on the door.
I continued walking through the room, until I reached the door, only stopping to open it. 
"Hey, tell Steven he's on in 5." Ralph smiled slightly.

"Okay." I sighed, then turned my head slightly to call after Steven. "You're on.."

I walked directly past Ralph, and out into the hall of the arena we were in.
Because Hockey is Samarinia's national sport, and there were like a million and one hockey rink's in the area, the band had no choice but to book their dates in the arena's, which unfortunately, were freezing. 
I shivered as I made my way to the back of the stage, where I usually stood during Steven's shows. 
I noticed a creepy looking stagehand was watching me, but I shook it off; I'm used to being stared at now, whether it's for my scars, or for being the Princess.

Minutes later, Joey, Brad and Tom came walking down the hall, and all paused to wait for Steven and Joe. 
"Are you excited for tonight?!" Joey was bouncing up and down, and giggling. 
"Yeah." I smiled and giggled a little.

"Well, you don't seem too excited." Brad smirked. "What's wrong? Boyfriend's being a douchebag?"
"Something like that." I rolled my eyes, as Brad shook his head. 

"It'll all work out." Tom pulled me into a big hug.
"Thanks guys." I smiled as they all came in for a group hug. 
Moments after we pulled back, Joe and Claudia came out of his dressing room.

"Ahh I can't believe I'm actually here!" She squealed jumping into my arms. 

"Get used to it... It's gonna be wild!" I plastered a wary grin on my lips, and then turned to Joe, tugging lightly on his arm. 
I pulled him out of earshot from the group, and instantly he gave me a look like he knew what I was about to ask. 

"Did you guys attempt to get sober after I left?" I glared up at him. 

"Well, yeah," He sighed, clearly upset with himself. "We tried, but it didn't work out too well. We all almost killed each other. We were thinking of sending Steven to rehab... You know, if he got sober, we could still be a band, and he could come back and get you, and everything would be okay." 

"Oh.." I sighed. and looked down at my boots. 

"Why?" He raised an eyebrow at me.

"Do I really even have to say it?" I scoffed.

"He's using... isn't he.." He let out a long, exasperated groan, to which I responded with a swift nod, and an equally exhausting sigh. "Well, fuck."

"Yep.." I looked away awkwardly, noticing that the entire band was deep in conversation, but Claudia was staring at Joe and I intensely. 

"Are you?" He asked, grasping my attention. 
"Am I what?" I asked, confused. 

"You know what I'm asking you."
"No.." I sighed. "I haven't been able to find someone to deal to me since I moved here, so I went through two months of excruciating withdrawl... I mean, I'm fine now, and I'm completely sober.. but... I just saw some in Steven's bathroom, and it absolutely killed me. It literally took everything I had to just walk away."

"I'm proud of you, kid." He smiled. 
"Thanks," I paused and thought for a moment, looked at Claudia, and then back at him. "Are you still using?"

He bowed his head, shame filling his brooding dark eyes. 
"Yeah...." He muttered. 
"Oh.." I sighed. 

"Joe, come on, we gotta get on stage!" Brad called from across the room, where the rest of the band, now including Steven, was standing staring at Joe and I.
I turned to Joe for a split second, and then began to walk back to the band, but Joe's hand caught my wrist, stopping me. 

"I'm really sorry, Ale- err.... Ace?" He fumbled on my name. 

"Don't worry about it. It's fine.." I sighed. "That shit's difficult to kick. I don't blame you for not being able to."

"Thanks." He smiled and pulled me in for a hug. A second later, we broke apart and walked toward the band. 
Claudia swiftly kissed Joe goodbye, as the band disappeared onto the stage. 

The crowd roared, as Joe struck a chord on his guitar, and the band opened up with Back In The Saddle Again.
I watched as Steven danced around the stage in his funny pink cheetah print body suit, going back and fourth with Joe. 
All I could really see though, was the man I love, flying out on cloud nine, with his best friend captain coke. 
It actually broke my heart. 

They finished Back in the Saddle, and instantly began to play Last Child, and when they finished that, Steven paused for a moment, and turned his head to get a good look at me. 

"Listen up, you crazy motherfuckers." Steven sang into the mic, making the audience errupt into violent screams and cat calls. "This next song is one that I wrote when my girlfriend left me.."
The audience got really silent, not knowing whether to cheer, or sigh. 
"She was, and still is the most amazing human being I've ever met. I fucking love her more than anything in the world, so I flew all the way out here to see her and get her back."

"Did it work?!" Some random guy in the audience screamed out, making Steven chuckle a little. 

"I don't know, you tell me..." He replied cooly, and smirked at me. "Baby, would you come on out here?" 
I smiled and shook my head at him, as I made my way forward. 
I didn't fully go out to the stage; I stopped right before the black velvet curtains ended, so I was able to hide behind them. I poked out my head from the black sheets, and peered at the audience, waving slightly. 

"Come on, don't be shy." Steven grinned and walked over to me, grabbing my hand, and pulling me out onto the stage. 
Instantly, I heard gasps and cat calls, and most of the crowd began to bow to me.

"Your majesty!" Someone called out from the crowd. 

"Introducing her royal highness, Princess Anastasia Cecilia Elena Dawson." He smiled and planet a soft kiss on my cheek.
I waved at the audience, and began to walk back off the stage, as Steven's fingers lingered on mine for a moment. 

Joe played the opening riff to Home Tonight, and Steven turned facing the end of the stage where I stood, singing to no one but me. 
I couldn't ever stay mad at him for too long. It was impossible.
I really do love him, more than anything in the world. 

I was really getting into the song, and I even began to sing along, mimmicking Steven.
The unexpected, unfortunately, broke us out of our fairytale moment;
The lights all shut off, leaving the arena pitch black. 
Suddenly, a warm, fat hand circled itself around my wrist, jerking me backwards.
It was him, I could tell. I instantly began panicking, until I heard a familiar voice. 

"Alex, it's just me!" Ralph pulled me to his side, ensuring my protection.
"Raplh! Go make sure Steven's okay!" I cried out. "I'll be fine!"

The swelling sense of panic whirled around the entirety of the rink, and all I could do was hope and pray that Steven and the band were okay.
"Ace! Ace where are you?" Claudia called out, encircling a fragile, cool hand around my other wrist.
"I'm right here!" I pulled my hand up, and locked my fingers around hers, so we wouldn't separate. 

Bang!
My heart skipped a beat as the arena fell quiet for a few brief moments, before someone screamed bloody murder. 
Someone had been shot..

"Steven!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.
Bang! Bang!
Another two shots were fired as everyone dashed out of the arena, terror filling their hearts. 

"Steven, no!" I fell to the floor, tears streaming down my face, staining my cheeks with mascara. 

A hand grasped my from the back of my neck, and pulled me up so I was erect. 
"Listen you fucking bitch..." The nasaly lisp spat venom at me. 

It was him.


"How the fuck do you keep finding me?!" I hissed.
"Shut up, cunt!" A heavy metal object came crashing down on my skull.
It was still pitch black, and I couldn't see anything. 

I felt woozy and faint, and the room was spinning around me, but somehow, I managed to spin myself around in his grip, so I knew I was facing him. 
My right hand grasped his free hand, and I instantly felt the cool metal against my soft skin.

He was the one with the gun... He was the one who shot someone.

In one swift movement, I pulled my knee up, bringing force into his groin, as I pulled the metal out of his hand. 
Pointing it into the dark, I held my grip firmly. 
"I'll fucking shoot." I screamed, backing myself up, until I bumped into something, which made me scream.

"Ace! It's me, Claudia!" She screeched, and reached for my hand in the dark. I kept my grip firm on the handle of the gun, and I clutched her hand, with my free one. 

"Where the fuck are you, you sick pervert?" 
I heard a sick muffled laughter, and seconds later, the lights flicked back on.

He was horribly demented;
His nose was so grotesquely broken, it made his face seem so fragile, wrinkly and old. 
As usual, he has a malicious grin on his face, and a burning hatred in his eyes. 

"As the princess of Samarinia, by law, I have every right to fucking shoot your brains out, right now." I hissed. 

"Then do it." He grinned, knowing I didn't have the heart to.
I lowered the gun slightly, watching an amused smirk danced across his chapped and cracked lips.
"I knew you wouldn't you fucking s-"

Bang!
I raised the gun, and pulled the trigger.
For a moment, time ceased to exist; 
It froze, as if it was placed in a room of dry ice. 

I heard a sickening crack, and then a cry of pain.
When I realized what I actually had done, I saw my captor lying on the ground howling in pain, as he clutched his knee.
Blood was pouring out of the wound I had just made. 

"You actually fucking shot me!" He cried out "I'll fucking kill you when I get up!"

"No, you won't sir." Claudia and I turned to find men dressed in black, with heavy bulletproof vests. "You are under arrest, by the Samarinian royal court, for the kidnapping, torture, rape, attempted murder, and harrassment of her royal highness, the Princess Anastasia." 
The men surrounded him and picked him up, so he was being supported against the weight of the men. 

A rather tall older gentlemen, wearing a navy blue jacket decorated with an excessive amount of honors, approched me.
"Princess," He bowed. "Seeing as this man's crimes were against you, personally, you, by Samarinian law, have the right to chose his punishment. He has already been found guilty and is awaiting your decision of how his sentance shall be served." 

"It seems that he escapes from every prison I've place him in.." I sighed. 
I don't want to be harsh... yes, what he did was terrible, but does that mean I have to stoop to his level?

"Then, your majesty, it seems the only appropriate punishment is death." He stood as still as a statue, with his arms behind his back, seeming as cold as the New Jersey snow. 

"What is your name?" I asked, struggling to make a decision. "Your position?"

"Your majesty, I am Commander James P. Cooley; the commanding officer of the Samarinian Armed Force Experts." I knew what the S.A.F.E was, but I was still confused for some reason, and I assume he quickly understood, and futher explained his position. "My position is the equivalent to the Commander in Chief of the United States of America. I make any and all executive decisions of safety for the royal family, and the country of Samarinia."

I nodded, fully understanding the power this man has.
"As Princess, I give you full permission to dole out the punishment you see most fit." I gave him a swift nod, so he understood exactly what I meant by that.
Instantly, I turned on my heel, and ran towards the stage, but I couldn't find Steven or the band anywhere.
The worst instantly came to mind. 

"Steven?!" I called out, shaking with fear. "Steven, where are you?!"
"Alex!"

My head spun around so fast, I lost my balance for a moment. I saw the band, crowded around someone lying on the floor.
"No! no no no no no!" I cried out, running towards the huddle. "Steven, no!"

"I'm right here, baby, calm down." I saw his beautiful head of thick brown curls pop up from the huddle, as I fell to his side, clutching him in a huge embrace. 
I froze in place, the second I realized who was on the floor.

"Ralph..." I breathed, gazing down at the seemingly lifeless body before me. "Ralph, no!"
"A-alex.." He gasped for air, clearly in pain. I looked for a moment at his wounds; He had three bullet wounds, promenent in his abdomen. 
I curled my fingers around his hand, holding on for dear life, bringing it to my face, and kissing it/

"You'll be fine.." I stuttered, as tears streamed down my cheeks. "You'll be fine, just wait until an ambulance gets here... Just hold on, you'll be fine." I kept repeating my mantra, probably soothing me more than him. 

"Alex.." He gasped again. "It was a pleasure."

I clutched his hand harder, and sobbed.
"Don't you dare say your goodbyes.. you'll be fine, god fucking damnit!" I snapped as the tears flowed in abundance. "You'll be fucking fine!"

"I know." He smiled, almost a whisper. 
He sighed heavily, and then his body went rigid.

"Thank you.." I whispered into his now lifeless hand I was gripping onto. "For everything."
I proceeded to sob heavily into his stiff hand, as Steven pulled me into his arms, trying to console me. 

I had just lost someone very important to me. 
Ralph wasn't just some body guard. No. 
He was a genuine friend, who was there for me during my worst times with this band. 
He was my protector, and someone I could talk to when I had no one else. 
He had no judgements, and never showed his fears. 
He was my role model. 

And now, he's gone.