Run Away From The Pain

Sweet Summer Snow

I never feel safe anymore. I always feel as though someone's watching me...waiting for the right time to pounce, like a lion waiting for it's prey. 
I was constantly terrified. 

On the flip side, as terrified as Steven was, he never acted like it. 
He always seemed happy, or hyper, and I couldn't quite tell why.

While Steven was in the tiny bathroom attached to his dressing room taking a quick shower, I was lounging on the surprisingly comfortable hemp couch, in the middle of the room. 
I laid my head back to rest on the arm of the couch, and rested my eyes for a moment. 
That moment must've been longer than I expected, because I ended up slipping into a deep sleep. 

I was experiencing tunnel vision.... like there was nothing else in my line of view but what I was directly looking at. 
The picture was blurry, and the colors were muted, so it was hard to make out what was happening.

I saw this little girl, with long chocolate ringlets, which framed the sides of her heart shaped face. She was a beautiful little girl, from what I could see. 
She was clad in a frilly, baby blue dress, with tiny white heels strapped to her feet, and matching silk gloves covering her tiny, thin fingers. She was in the arms of an older man, with her arms clinging around his neck. 
He seemed like a pleasant man, though he was eerily familiar. He had chocolate brown hair, just like the little girls, though his hair was streaked with gray, defining his age. He had beautiful, bright green eyes, which reminded me of fresh cut grass during an egg hunt on Easter morning. 
The man was dressed in a dark blue suit, with a white shirt, and had some sort of broach, or pendant, pinned onto the breast pocket of his suit jacket. 
Though the man was smiling, pain and sorrow was evident in his green eyes.
There was a stunning woman standing next to him, with long chocolate brown curls, similar to mine, with tears filling her.... her piercing golden eyes. 
Dressed in a gold-silk pencil skirt, which came just past her knees, she had on a white buttoned up blouse, and a gold-silk blazer to match the skirt. Pinned on her breast pocket, was the same broach as the one on the man who was holding the child. 

Another man came into the picture, who I could instantly recognize.... my father. 
I missed my father so much... He looked so much younger in my dream, from the last time I could remember him. 
He had dark brown hair, with gray streaks, similar to the man holding the child. 
He was wearing a pair of gray slacks, and a black buttoned up shirt, with black dress shoes to match. 
He seemed sad, and worried, though excited at the same time. 

I couldn't understand what happened next; 
The man in the blue suit, tried to hand the little girl over to my father, as she started crying hysterically, and refused to unwind her arms from around his neck. 
He too, began to cry as he pulled her close to him, hugging her tightly. 
He whispered something into her ear, though I couldn't quite make out what it was. 
Whatever he said, must've gotten through to the girl, because she eventually released the man from her viper-like grip, and allowed him to hand her over to my father. 

Without another word, my father nodded his head, and took the child out of the room.
The woman burst into tears, as the man in the blue suit pulled her into him, hugging her tightly, for comfot no doubt. They both fell to their knees, gasping for air in between their sobbing. 

I woke up with a jolt, and looked around the empty dressing room, realizing I was still lying on the couch. I looked to my right to find a note on the black coffee table. 

'Alex, I could watch you sleep forever, but the guys and I had to go on stage... you know... I gotta work and all. If you wake up before the show ends, Ralph will be just outside the dressing room door. -Steven.'

I smiled and yawned. Steven's so cute, leaving me notes and all. 

I think his ego was getting to me, because whenever there's a mirror in sight, I feel the need to nit-pick every little detail of my appearance. 
I found myself strolling up to the large vanity with the lightbulbs skirting the mirror, and looked at the girl standing before me. 
She reminded me of the woman I saw in my dream. It was terrifying... did I dream my future? She looked just like me, but older.... I... I just had a dream about my future.. if that's even possible. Who was the man, though? He didn't look like Steven, or my brother.. I wonder who the man was, and who he was in relation to me..

As I was thinking, I absentmindedly ran my fingers over the objects on Steven's vanity. I was broken out of my reverie by a cool, fine substance smoothing itself out underneathe the pads of my fingers. 
I looked down to find a soft white powder lying out on the table before me. 
No.... Steven wasn't........
Fuck. He was snorting cocaine again. 

What I did next, must've been out of spite, or out of sheer stupidity, but either way, it appauled even myself. 

I took the flattest object I could find, and cut myself a small line, then I picked up the straw which was lying next to the open bag, and put it to my nose. 
I sniffed up the whole line of the white powder, and within seconds, a burning sensation crawled up my nostrils, and down my throat. 

I winced and shut my eyes at the pain, but then moments later, it evaporated, and I felt happy, light... and mostly hyper as fuck. 
I felt like I could run a marathon. It was an amazing feeling. 
I jolted up from where I was sitting, and dashed towards the door, and swung it open, ready to run out... unfortunately all I ran into was Ralph's extremely hard, and muscular back. 

"Ouch." I rubbed my forehead, as Ralph bent down to pick me up off the floor. 

"I'm so sorry, Ms. Hastings, are you okay?" He gasped, as he stood me up straight. 

"Call me Alex..." I giggled, rubbing my head. "Ohh and Ralph, guess what...."

"What?" He smirked playfully. 

I grinned really wide and then narrowed my dangerous golden eyes. 
"YOU'RE IT!" I squealed, as I hit his arm, and sprinted past him out into the hallway of the venue. 

I dashed down the long corridor as fast as I could, with Ralph high-tailing it behind me, calling after me.
"Alex! Get back here!" He seemed mad, which made me giggle even more. 

I followed the sound of music, as I skidded around the corner of the hall, and continued running, until I completely halted, just in time for me to stop myself from jumping onto the stage from stage-left. 
I stood in amazement as I saw Steven dancing around the stage, and belting out lyrics. He was obviously just as hyper as I was. 
When he saw me, he flashed me a smile, and went back to singing the chorus for Dream On, which was always their encore. 
When it got to the big scream, he took a deep breath, and let it all out, which always astonished me. 
I stared in wonder, never taking my eyes off of him, until he finished the song, wished everyone a goodnight, and got off the stage. 

"Alex! You're awake!" He grinned, bounding up to me. "Did you sleep well? Or did you like the show?" 

I began to giggle like a mad man, and hopped up and down like a bunny.
"Yeah Yeah! It was awesome! I mean AWE-SOME!" I screeched. I looked like a 5 years old on Christmas morning, which made Steven laugh, but it also earned me weird looks from the band. 
Joe came around from behind Steven, and grabbed my arm, pulling me away from the rest of the band for a moment. 

"You didn't... did you?" He whispered into my ear. 

"Did what?" I batted my eyelashes and giggled in an unbelievably innocent manner. 

"Alex, you snorted Steven's blow... didn't you?" He gave me a serious look. 

"Shhhhhhhhhhhhh!" I burst out into laugher, which I literally had no control over. I fell to the ground, clutching my stomach I was laughing so hard. 

"Oh Jesus Christ." Joe threw up his hands in annoyance and walked away from me muttering something, as Steven and the rest of the band took his place. Steven held out a hand for me to grasp, but I couldn't take it. I was still laughing so hard. 

"The fuck is her problem?" Brad mumbled to Joey, who just shrugged in ignorance. 

"She's beyond cloud nine." Joe grumbled. Everyone looked over at me with disbelief plastering their faces. 

"Alex? Are you really high?" Tom asked.
"Yeah... and off of what?" Joey looked concerned, which for some reason made me laugh more. 
I turned to Steven, and my laughing instantly ceased. I remembered the last time I took drugs from Steven, and how angry he got. 
I bounded over to Joe, and hid behind him as I mumbled into his back.

"I found Steven's blow lined up on his vanity...." Unfortunately, my feeble attemp at muffling my voice, didn't work, and they all heard me. 

"You WHAT?!" Tom, Brad, Joey and Steven yelled in unison. 

"I FOUND YOUR BLOW." I came out of hiding, and screamed at Steven. "DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?!"

"Maybe I do!" He took a step closer to me, so he was towering over me, his face just inches from mine. 

"What are you gonna do about it, you fucking sissy?" I instantly wanted to take the words back as I said them... I knew this wouldn't turn out well for me.
Before he could answer me, out of habit, I turned on my heel, and tried to sprint away, but he caught me by the wrist, and spun me into him. He locked his arms around me so I couldn't escape. 

"The fuck! Let go of me!" I screamed into his chest. I felt like he was suffocating me. "Get the fuck off!" I began to hit him on the back, trying to get him to release me, but he hugged me tighter with one arm, and restrained my arms with the other, until I calmed down. 

Finally he released me.

"Why'd you do it?" He asked, quite calmly. 

"I... I don't know. I was bored... It was there....." I paused, thinking about the real reason. "Cause I'm a spiteful son of a bitch, and you said no more drugs, and then I found them, and I got mad, so I snorted a line."

"How much?" It irritated me how he was so calm. 

"How the fuck are you so calm right now? I feel like running a marathon... I'm like sweating and oh my god, I need to ru-"

"Answer me, Alex." He cut me off. 

"Just a line! Now can we go to a gym or something, or can I go to a party or something?! I NEED TO DANCE!" I jumped up and down, which made everyone laugh. 

"Come on." Steven laughed as he grabbed my hand, and the rest of the band followed. The next thing I knew, we were getting onto the tour bus, and that was it... I blacked out.