Run Away From The Pain

My Head Feel Like It's Going Round And Round

"You love Antonio. He's you're husband and you love him devoutly. Otherwise, you wouldn't have married him, regardless of a treaty.." I stared in the mirror of the vanity in my bathroom, convincing myself of my happiness.

How come in every cheesy movie ever made, the girl (or guy) who's so utterly content with life, is forced to question their happiness, when a huge part of their past just comes strolling in like they never left. If you've got the answer, I'd really like to know, because this fucking sucks.
I shouldn't have to convince myself that my husband makes me happy.

"Baby, are you ready?" Antonio called to me from the bedroom.

"I'm not going." I whined.

"Stop being stubborn." He chuckled, though I could tell he was being serious. "Clearly you and Mr. Tyler need to work something out."

I sighed knowing he was right.

"Now, you don't have to tell me what's going on between you two, though I'd like to know," he came into the bathroom, and wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me to his, so my back was practically glued to his front. "But I just want to see you happy, and I know solving this problem is going to accomplish that."

"You don't know that..." I huffed, crossing my arms, causing him to chuckle and kiss my shoulder blade.

"I know everything..." his musical laugh resonated through me. "A king is never wrong."

"Oh shut your royal ass up." I smiled spinning in his arms, so I could face him. I stood on my tippy-toes and planted a passionate kiss on his lips. "God, I love you."

"I love you more." He grinned, kissing me back. "Now you're coming to this concert, and that's final."

"Fine." I huffed, burying my face into his strong chest.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I stepped out of the limo and faced a cheering crowd of followers and paparazzi. I managed, as best I could, to plaster my most majestic smile on my face, and wave with as much queen-like grace as I could muster.

Antonio and I snapped a few photos and spoke to a few reporters, but the entire time, I couldn't shake the nostalgic feeling that this brought. It felt like only weeks ago I was doing this same thing, but with Steven on my arm instead of Antonio, and instead of stepping out of a limo, I was stepping off the tour bus.

We were escorted inside by a multitude of bodyguards, until we reached the backstage lounge, where one particular guard caught my eye.

"Roger!" I gasped, bounding over to him, and jumping into his arms.

"Hey Ace! How ya doin' love?" He laughed squeezing the life out of me in a viper grip hug. "It's been forever!"

"Yeah, I know." I sighed as he released me. "I've been good... I mean, I'm a queen now, so you do the math."

"I still hate math." He chuckled nostalgically at the night we became close, at the Paris concert.

"Yeah me too." I laughed, opening my mouth to say something else, anything else, but I was interrupted by a group of rather... flamboyant old friends.

"ACE! HOLY SHIT!" Joey screamed sprinting over to me, and nearly blindsiding me.

"Joey!" I laughed as he picked me up and spun me around.

"Holy fuckin' Christ! Ace! Alex! What the hell?!" Joe, Brad, and Tom all ran after Joey, in an attempt to reunite the usual group hug.

"Hey guys!" I could feel my cheeks burning from the constant grinning I've been doing.
When we broke apart from the hug, I pulled Antonio to my side and introduced him to the band.
"Guys, meet my husband King Antonio Alessandri."

"Husband?!" Joe gulped
"King?!" Joey gasped.
"So does that make you, like..." Brad seemed nervous for the first time...EVER.
"Queen?" Tom finished his sentence.

"Yep… That's me." I blushed, swaying back and forth awkwardly.

"No shit…" Joe gasped. "I always knew you'd end up sticking with the whole princess thing, regardless of how many times you denied it."

"Bullshit." I laughed, nudging his arm. "Anyway, how's Elyssa." I smirked, obviously trying my damn hardest to make him feel like shit for hurting my best friend. 
Is that a shitty thing to do? Yeah.
Does he deserve to feel like shit? Fuck yeah. 

"We're divorced…" He shrugged nonchallantly. "But I'm thinking of proposing to my girlfriend Billie."

"Aww, that's cute." I chuckled. 

"And speaking of marriage, since when did you have a husband?" Brad but in, asking the most obvious of questions. 

"Since…uh…" I tripped on my words, trying to find a suitable answer. "I guess since I left Steven…"

"And you moved on that quickly?" Joey asked, amazed. 
I mean, I love Joey, he's such a great guy… But did he really have to be that asshole to go ahead and bring that up? Fuck you, Joey. 

"Yeah…" I lied, trying to shrug off the painful clentch around my heart. 

"I call bullshit." 
We all spun around to see Steven standing in the doorway of the lounge room, leaning up against the frame of the door with his arms crossed, and a cigarette hanging from his voluptuous lips. 
He smirked and strolled into the room, like a villian from some cheesy film… which I'm convinced my life is slowly becoming. 

"I didn't ask you." I snapped, turning my attention back to Joey, while intertwining my fingers with Antonio's. "Antonio and I fell in love when we first met… Ironically, Steven fell for Cyrinda around the same time, so…" The venom in my voice was terrifyingly noticable, and set an awkwardly threatening cloud of tension in the air; tension so thick you could cut it with a chainsaw.  

Steven damn well knew he couldn't come up with a defense on my attack, so he just stood there with an astonished 'O' shape taking over his mouth. 

"You guys clearly have something to work out, so…" Brad winced at the look I shot him, and quickly finished his sentence as he dashed out of the room. "I'll just be in my dressing room… Bye Ace! Great to see you again!"

"Yeah, we should all give you guys some time…" Joe started to leave but I stopped him. 

"There's nothing to talk about. I said what I had to say back at the record shop today. What's done is done." I stood my ground, as my inner goddess sat in the stands with a foam finger cheering me on.

"Anastasia…" Antonio sighed, squeezing my hand lightly in his, as a warning to what he said earlier. 

"Damn it, I hate when you're right." I sighed, leaning into him. I kissed his shoulder lightly and then unraveled my fingers from his, as I walked towards Steven's dressing room, with Steven in suit. 

The short journey was silent, and so full of tension I thought I was going to combust. 
I stepped into his dressing room and straight over to the couch, plopping myself down on it with my arms folded like a stubborn child. 

"Alex…" Steven sighed as he closed the door behind him. 
God, no one's called me that in years… and hearing his voice always made me melt. 

"What do you want?" I snapped, trying to maintain my anger. 

"I want to know what happened to us." He sighed, sitting down on the couch next to me, forcing me to turn the other way, so I wouldn't have to look at him. 

"You broke my heart… That's what happened." I snapped, wiping a tear from my eye. 

"And I'm so incredibly sorry for that." His voice was like an old lullaby that used to put you to sleep, being played again years after you've left the nest; resulting in a completely heart wrenching nostalgic feeling. 

"Like I said, what's done is done." I exhaled, uncrossing my arms and tangling my hands in my lap, picking at my finger nails. "There's no going back. You're married, and I'm married."

"But Cyrinda and I hate each other. I love you. Always have and always will, there's no getting around that." He inched closer to me… so close in fact, that I could feel his body heat radiating against me. 

"Yeah, well Antonio and I love each other very much, and there's no getting around that." I snapped, turning my head towards him to shoot him a dirty look, only to find that his face was inches from mine, causing me to jump back. 

Noticing that he startled me, he scooted back slightly and awkwardly. 
"But you can't deny that you still feel the same." A glimer of hope was caught in his eye. 

"Yes, I can." I lied. "Whatever happend between us is over and done with. There was a treaty that I'm bound to. There was no future for us."

"But you even said it, back at the record shop! You said that regardless of a treaty, you were going to marry me! You said you loved me!" He tried to defend us. He tried to fight for us, which honestly tore me to shreds.

"Loved. Steven. I loved you. The past is the past." I could feel more tears coming and I tried so desperately to hold them back, and as usual, I failed. 

"That right there, proves that you're lying." He sighed and I could tell he was smiling, even though I was hiding my face in my hands. 
I felt his strong arms wrap around me and pull me into him in a comforting embrace. He pushed my head into his chest, giving me a place to sob and let out all my pent up emotions. 

The worst part about all this, is that he's right. 
I'm completely and totally in love with him, and I'm so afraid that It'll never go away, because I'm married to someone else, and I can never be with him the way I still want to. 

I love Antonio with all my heart… I do. He's a good man and treats me like …well… a Queen.
But Steven… Steven was my first love. I'll never forget him, and I'll probably never get over him. 

I could hear his heart beating a mile a minute. 
"I fucking hate you." I sobbed into his chest; my tears staining his shirt. 

"I know." He cooed, smoothing my hair down. 

"Why the fuck did you have to do it? Why?! We could still be together! We could still be happy! I would've found a loophole in the treaty! I could've done it!" I sobbed harder, now yelling at him, releasing all my anger. 

"Because I'm a fuckin' idiot and I let the love of my life go." He sighed heavily, feeling my sorrow. 

"What am I gonna do?!" I cried. 
The question was, at best, rhetorical. 

"Tell him." Steven deadpanned. 

"W-what?" I pulled my face up from his chest, to stare directly into his chocolate eyes, which killed me, because they reminded me so much of Antonio's. 

"Tell him… He deserves to know."

"Oh so now you're all about honesty?!" I gasped "What the fuck?! What about 8 years ago when you had the fucking chance to tell me what was going on, huh?!"

"I'm an idiot, I know, now can we move past that and stick to the fucking problem at hand?!" He snapped. 

"No. The situation at hand, is that I made vows, Steven. I'm not breaking them because some old crush shows up. You made those vows too… with Cyrinda. Stick to them." 
With that, I got up from the couch and walked towards the door.

Just before I reached the handle, Steven grasped my hand and spun me into him, and with panther life speed and grace, pulled my face up to his and kissed me. 
For a moment, I was lost in heaven. 
I love Antonio with everything in me, but I have never felt that spark when I kissed him.
With Steven, I felt an electrical current running through my entire body. 
I never saw fireworks when I kissed Antonio, but with Steven, an entire lightshow was being performed right before my very eyes. 

My tongue intertwined with his in total bliss for a moment…
And then that moment was gone. 

My eyes split open as I realized what I was doing. 

"What the fuck?!" I pushed him away and then slapped him as hard as I could. "No! This can't happen!" 

"Alexandra Hastings," He smirked a little, and then sighed, becoming serious. "You can't tell me you didn't feel anything… You can't say you didn't see the fireworks. Face it, Ace. We belong together."

Of course… More tears. 
"Well you should've thought of that before you cheated… Maybe then, I'd still be with you instead of Antonio." 
With that, I turned on my heel and stormed out of his dressing room, slamming the door behind me. 

The noise of the slamming door was loud enough to grasp the attention of everyone sitting in the lounge area, which was mostly the band, Antonio, Roger and… and Cyrinda.
She gave me the dirtiest look she could possibly muster, and stood up to 'greet' me. 

"The fuck were ya doin' in my husband's dressin' room?" She asked in her snotty, obviously fake New York accent, which appauled Antonio, who was ready to stand up for me.

"Please, honey. At this point he's just your drug dealer… Face it, you hate each other, and if you got the chance, the both of you would beat the piss out of each other, so shut your fucking junkie gob." I snapped, striding past her, who stood shocked; frozen in place. 

While Tom and Joey were as astonished as she was, Joe and Brad howeled with laughter, nearly keeling over. 

"Antonio, darling, I'm so sorry." I sighed, wrapping my arms around him, and burrying my face in the crook of his neck. "I can't stay here. Can we please go home and find another way to celebrate my birthday?" 

"Are you sure you want to go?" He asked, lifting my chin so he could look at me, and plant a tender kiss on my llips. 
I was right; there was no spark, no fireworks. 

"Actually…" I paused, thinking. "I know how much you want to watch the show. You stay, and I'll come back in a little bit… I just need some time to think about some stuff, okay?" 
He gave me a very terrified look, and I knew he was going to demand an explanation later. 

"I'll be fine. I promise." I kissed him one last time and then walked over to Joe who was standing next to a mini fridge, which no doubt had beer in it. 
I bent down and rummaged through the fridge, snagging myself two brown-glass bottles, and took off, shutting the fridge behind me. 

I popped off the cap to one of the bottles and took a long sip as I made my way down the usual cinderblock halls of the stadium we were in, trying to find some solitude, like I was able to all those years ago. 

It took about 20 minutes of searching before I found an area deserted enough for my liking. 
I leaned against the cool cinderblock wall, sliding my back against it until I was seated on the hard cement floor, with my legs kicked out beneathe me. 

I chugged down the entire first bottle of beer, and placed it at my side, just trying to drown out whatever heartbreak I was feeling. 
I flipped the cap off of the second beer and just sat, thinking. 

It wasn't before long that I heard another set of footsteps coming towards me. 
I really don't want to see anyone, even if it is Roger coming to find me with another bottle of beer. 
Well… actually, the third bottle would be kinda nice. 

Instead, what did I find?
A heard of paps with their fancy flashing cameras, snapping millions of photographs of me. 

In an instant, my harsh queen-like instincts kicked in, and I stood up, still holding my bottle of beer. 

"If any of you put these photographs in any form of media, I will personally have you all tried for high treason, which by law, results in death." I snapped, instantly silencing the clicking and the flashes. 
"You will get rid of every photo you have just snapped of me, and there will be no evidence of this ever happening, okay?"

They all muttered some incoherent "Mmhmm." and walked away with their shoulders slumped.
Because I haven't had the ability to control my emotions since I was about 15, I instantly slumped against the wall and burst into tears, throwing my empty beer bottle down the hall and having it shatter into a million tiny fragments. 

"God fucking damn it." I hissed, wiping tears from my eyes. 

"Sucks, doesn't it?" My head snapped up to find Cyrinda Foxe, with streams of mascara staining her cheeks, and two more bottles of beer in her hand. 

She slumped down next to me, and handed me an un-opened bottle. 
I just stared at her, completely perplexed.
Am I in some alternate universe, where we're friends? 
Like, what is going on?

"Look, I'm here because I get it. I'm sorry." She sighed, flipping the cap off of her bottle and taking a large gulp of caramel coloured liquid. 

"You get what?" I asked, cautiously taking the un-opened bottle from her. 

"I get what ya going through."

"Bullshit." I scoffed, opening my third beer, in a matter of a half hour. "You don't get it… You never will, until you've been forced into a marriage that you think makes you happy, only to find out you're completely miserable because the man you're truly in love with is a selfish douchebag who's married to the woman he cheated on you with years before hand."

"Well…" She paused, not knowing what to say.

"Exactly." I sighed, chugging half of my beer. "I just find it funny that I'm sitting here having a drink with the woman he's currently married to."

"Who just so happens to hate him, and is only actually around him for the drugs." She replied, tipping her beer nozzle in my direction. 

"Antonio's a great guy…" I sighed. "He doesn't deserve this bullshit. I love him, I do, but… but…"

"But ya love Steven more?" 

"I don't want to hurt him…" I sighed. "Sometimes… sometimes I wonder if I should've just stayed with R.H all those years ago, back at my first Aerosmith concert. What if I never ran away from him? Then no one would be hurt… No one would be in this situation."

"And ya'd be dead, honey." She deadpanned. "Regardless of how much you piss me off, we'd all rather you be here, causing this bullshit, than to be burried in some sick fuck's back yard."

"Sometimes I think that's best." I finished off my beer, and stood, unsteadily, to my feet. 
I left her to be alone, thinking about the bullshit I've caused the poor woman, and made my way back towards the lounge, stumbling and wobbling the whole way.
Was I drunk? No.
Was I tipsy as fuck? Probably. 

The band was still sitting on all the couches, talking with Antonio, as they waited for the show to start. 
Steven was out of his dressing room, and joined the band in conversation. 
They all looked at me as I stumbled over to the fridge and grabbed a fourth beer, popping the lid off, and taking a swig. 

I walked over towards Antonio and bent down infront of him so our faces were inches apart. 
"Baby." I sighed. "I can't stay. I'll just meet you at the palace tonight, I guess." 
I planted a sexy kiss on his lips, and pulled apart all too soon, leaving him to want more, like I used to do with… No! Damn it, Ace, don't do that! Stop comparing the two!

I spun around to face the band who were spread out across the different couches in the room. 
First I walked towards Joey and Tom who were seated to Antonio's right, and gave them quick hugs, wishing them good luck.

Then I hugged Brad, and finally I made my way to Joe. 
"I'll miss ya, kid." I whispered as I squeezed him. "I'm probably never gonna see you again."

"Don't say that. I know you guys'll work this out." He whispered back as we pulled away. 
I gave him an apologetic sigh and then walked out of the room, leaving Steven in the dust. 

I sprinted out of the arena and flagged down a cab, leaving the limo so my husband could still get home. 
Just as I was going to hop in the car, my angelic husband stopped me. 

"Darling, please stop." He called, making me follow his musical orders. 
I stepped out of the cab, and closed the door behind me, allowing the cabbie to drive away. 

"What?" I asked, finishing my beer, and clutching onto the cold empty bottle.

"Please, just… just explain to me what's going on." He sighed, grabbing my hand. "I deserve that much."

"You deserve so much more than just an explanation." I mimmicked his tiring sigh.

"Oh yeah?" He raised an eyebrow. "Like what?"

"Like a better wife."