My Stepdad, Billie Joe Armstrong (Daughter of Rage and Love)

I Made a Point to Burn All of the Photographs

Waking up in the morning I found myself still lying on the couch, with the TV off, a blanket covering me, and a pillow under my head.

Sitting up, I looked around. "Good morning," Billie chirped, coming into my view of vision.

"Hmph," I said, laying back down.

"I guess we know who isn't a morning person in this household hm? You looked really content when I came down in the morning, so I decided to just let you be and not wake you up. I made some eggs, sunny side up, toast, and pancakes. What do you want?" he asked, sitting next to me.

"I want to question your cooking skills but I'm too hungry to care," I said getting up and walking into the kitchen.

I do have to give him some credit, it smelled delicious in here. All the smells blended perfectly together, creating a near perfect representation of a food heaven.

I sat down in one of the kitchen chairs and stretched.

"Where's ma?" I asked Billie, who followed me into the kitchen and started fussing with the plates.

"Out on some errands, she left me in charge," he responded, as if the last piece of news wasn't quite obvious yet.

"Cool," I said, digging into the plate he put before me. Damn, he's a really good cook, for a rockstar.

"So you like, um, have to do what I say," Billie said, looking uncomfortable.

"I DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING YOU SAY, YOU ARE NOT MY FATHER!" I yelled at him, waving a fork in the air while he used a giant plate to hide behind from me.

"I wasn't going to say anything!" he said from behind it.

I harrumphed, finished my food, excused myself, and went up to my room.

I haven't got a text or a call or an e-mail from Rey in the past couple of days and it unnerved me to no end. Maybe he found some braniac chick in his camp and is now with her, doing things that even we haven't done yet.

Turning on my laptop, I logged into my e-mail account.

Oh lookie, an e-mail from my sweetie - I knew he wouldn't forget about me.

Opening it, I took a minute to comprehend it. Then I reread it. Then I reread it again. Then I closed my laptop and then my eyes, trying hard not to burst out crying. But even with my eyes closed, line after line of the e-mail message appeared before my eyes, as if it was etched into my brain, or as if my brain was a screen projector that couldn't be turned off.

Dear Hope, it read,

Being in this camp made me rethink every single thing in this journey known as life. I'm very sorry to say that I find that our needs and goals are not the same, and therefore we should take a break. At least until I get back, we should rethink everything and by the end of the summer figure out if we actually belong together or not. If one of us finds that the other one is getting in their way of achieving what they want most in this life, then it's time to say goodbye and find someone else who's going to unlock your whole potential and push you forward. Until the end of summer, I bid you goodbye.

Sincerely,

Rey

That little dip shit. That fucking asshole. That good for nothing IQ over the roof but lacking the common sense and need for affection like other teenage boys piece of shit. We were together for so long, so long, and this is what I get? We never got past first base, he's always hesitant to tell other people that we're dating, like he's ashamed of me because I'm not as smart as him, or not pretty enough, always hesitant to even hold my hand in public. And I put up with all of that because I love him.

Or do I really? Are these tears forming in the back of my eyes because I lost the person I love or because I lost the person who I've been familiar with for so long? Aren't people terrified of change and oppose it with a certain Biblical rage ferocity?

So. So maybe...I shouldn't cry, shouldn't wallow in my despair...I have to get out of this house.

I snatched my purse of my desk, stuffed some money, cellphone, IPod, and ran down the stairs. Putting on some black sneakers, I rushed outside.

"Wait!" Billie yelled after me.

"What!" I practically screamed, wanting to just get away, or get lost, or...something.

"Where are you going?" Billie asked hesitantly, slightly put off at the tone of my voice. I turned around and looked at him.

"Wherever I fucking please! None of your fucking business!" I practically yelled, near hysterics.

"What's wrong? Did something happen sweetie?" he asked, his voice taking on a concerning note that I didn't like because it seemed to eliminate all the anger I was feeling towards him.

"No, I don't want to talk about it. Uh, I'm going to go, be back soon," I said, and with a wave, I was off.