I spent the rest of the morning cooped up in my room, trying to get some sleep but getting, of course, none. So I changed into ripped black jeans, a BMTH tank top just as I heard my mom yell from downstairs, "Hope! Family meeting, get your butt down here!"
I sighed and walked down the stairs, trying not slip on some pancake batter as I stepped into the kitchen. Billie and my mom were sitting at the kitchen table, the picture of quiet nervousness.
They perked up when they saw me enter the room. I cautiously sat in one of the chairs across from them and looked on expectantly. Waiting for the detonation.
"I'm going shopping for my wedding dress today, and I was wondering...would you want to maybe come along and help me look more into the bridesmaids' dresses – I want them to be blue," my mother said, looking nervous and jittery.
Ah yes, the day that will forever be burned into my memory. It loomed over me like a giant tsunami wave, and with each passing day it got bigger and closer. And frankly, I didn't know if I was ready for the impact. I don't think I'll ever be.
But the truth was there. Written in something of the same consistency as blood or maybe wine, this finality was almost upon me. And after that? Well I'd rather not think about it.
As these thoughts flitted through my head, mom continued on as if she didn't even notice; "Lauren is coming too, she's helping me pick out the wedding dress,"
My head snapped up at that statement.
Huh. So she just needs my help with the stupid bridesmaid dresses. But Lauren can help her with the real deal. I wonder if she's still too blind to see that Lauren is jealous of her. Since my mom branded her with the "best friend" title no more than a year ago, Lauren got the impression that she could do and say anything and my mom would still think that she was doing it with the best of intentions. Which she does in case you were wondering.
Point is, she's been out to try and ruin my mom's life for the past couple of years and she's still too stupid to figure it out.
Well I hope she ruins your fucking wedding mother.
"No," I said curtly and got up. The heartbroken look on my mother's face almost made me feel bad for her. Almost made my heart break. Almost, but not enough.
***
Almost 3 hours later I heard a timid knock on my door. Billie.
"May I come in?" I heard him ask, sounding glum.
"No," I said just as he opened the door and let himself in.
He sat on the end of my bed and looked at me. Finally he mustered the courage to say, "You know that was pretty cruel," no duh Sherlock.
After seeing he wasn't going to get any kind of response from me he said, "Look, I know this is hard, I went through the same thing when I was about your age. But the advice I wish someone had given me back then is not to blame my mom, not to take all my anger out on her. All she wants is happiness...which I think even you know she deserves,"
"And you're the knight in shining armor am I right?" I growled at him.
"I'm not a knight, just someone willing to grant your mom some of that happiness," he said.
"Just leave me alone," I said, burrowing under my blankets.
"No! I love you and I love your mother, and I am willing to give you guys everything I have – love, affection, trust...why won't you let me in? Just when I think your walls are low enough for me to climb over, you put them back up and I'm left hanging on the side, not knowing if I should fall back down where I started from or if I should swing over and fall on your side. And the only reason I don't know is because I don't want to hurt you by falling onto your side, not because I'm the one who's most likely to get hurt," he said and I felt his hand on my back, gently rubbing soft circles.
I shrugged his hand off, threw the blanket off and yelled into his face, "Don't you understand that my mom never had a serious relationship until you came waltzing into our life! After my dad died in a car accident 5 years ago, my mom tried everything in her power to fill the hole that his death left behind in both of our souls by any means necessary, but she never tried to get too attached to any guy before! But now she is and I'm fucking scared!"
He was taken aback and I grabbed that moment to run out of my room and down the stairs, ignoring his fervent calling after me.
Letting the front door slam shut behind me I tried to ignore the sound of my life falling apart.
YOU ARE READING
My Stepdad, Billie Joe Armstrong (Daughter of Rage and Love)
FanfictionHope's dad died 5 years ago in a horrid car accident, but life goes on. Hope refuses to accept it, but her mother is intent on making her see that. And how does she do that? By bringing home a new guy, a soon to be husband, a soon to be stepfather...
