Stepping into the church I got a firsthand account at what it means to be interrogated. From my own mother nonetheless. Grabbing me by the arm she dragged me into a room adjacent to the main hall and started firing question after question.
"She's no one important mom, calm down!" I put my hands up in a gesture of surrender and wished it was Billie who was being interrogated, not me. Out of everyone in the world who deserved it, it was that idiot.
"Yeah right and I'm the Easter Bunny,"
"Actually that was Mike's ex, so unless you have eggs to lay Misses Bunny, I suggest we get this underway. Mike will be, mmm, occupied, for lack of a better word,"
Her eyes lit up, in a bad way, in a very bad way, at the mention of Mike's "occupation".
"So exactly what did she want?" she asked, sounding too angry for a woman who's about to get married to Billie. Keyword: Billie. Not Mike.
"She wanted to interrogate him about a parrot or something of that sort. But she ended up leaving because apparently Mike doesn't have that parrot anymore, he flew away. Far far away," I substituted Billie's name with Mike's again, hoping for the best, simultaneously feeling horrible for Mike.
She looked at me long and hard, but finally came to the conclusion that I am to be trusted for no other reason than the fact that I am the one who opposes this marriage the most.
"Okay then let's go finish this rehearsal thing," she finally said.
I breathed a sigh of relief as she exited the room. That was too close for my liking and holy tap-dancing Jesus H. Christ, why is it me who has to cover his shaven ass? Something seriously wrong with this world.
I dug into my pockets for my phone and checked to see if there are any messages from Ms. Sassy Attitude. I can't just let her go, she's my favorite person thingy. But of course, nothing. Pride is going to be the death of her I swear. I grumbled curses under my breath as I walked out into the front hall.
Billie was also here, chewing his fingernails while simultaneously raking his other hand in his hair with enough ferocity to make him bald if he kept it up.
"What'd she say?" he asked.
"Don't worry, she thinks Bethany is Mike's ex, so you're in the clear,"
"Hey thanks y'know I don't know what I would do without you," Billie said looking at me with his stupid puppy dog eyes.
"Yeah, don't mention it," I shrugged off his gratitude and tried to ignore the nagging voice inside trying to tell me that I'm a good person. God I hate that voice.
***
"I'm a finger fucker!!!" Tre screamed running past me.
"Jesus God Tre this is a church, shut up!" Billie screamed after him.
"Shut up MOM!" Tre screamed back at him and ran up to me, engulfing me into a hug. Twirling my hair between his fingers he said, "Hey guys we should go to the beach, I forgot the last time I felt heavenly. I miss feeling Lucifer caressing my feet and toes with his toes, all the while smiling creepily and whispering 'pickles'," Tre said, looking dreamily into the distance.
Goddamn it, I knew this day was going to come but this is too soon. "I'm sorry Tre, but I think you've finally lost it. It's a shame, you were my favorite too,"
"Hey, I'm right here!" Mike piped up from the sidelines.
"Sorry Mike, love you too!" I reassured the one and only Mikey (sorry, no Way) with his amazing cheekbones and hair. "And he's not going crazy, he's talking about the beach, the way seaweed feels against his toes when he's swimming and shit," Mike added for clarification.
***
The rest of the rehearsal passed by in a flash. Mostly because I had 2 brownies with weed and mostly because I kept waiting for Alisa to text me back, or give me any kind of sign that she's alive and willing to accept my apologies. All of this spent in a very hazy state of mind
Billie kept giving me the look, like he knew I was on something, but didn't try to approach the subject. My mom was oblivious though, and for that I was thankful.
After a grueling 2 hours, I felt my butt vibrate and after fishing my phone out of my pocket, I saw that it was Alisa, texting to say that she is willing to negotiate and forgive over a strawberry smoothie.
Thank goodness I won't lose my favorite person thingy.
YOU ARE READING
My Stepdad, Billie Joe Armstrong (Daughter of Rage and Love)
FanfictionHope's dad died 5 years ago in a horrid car accident, but life goes on. Hope refuses to accept it, but her mother is intent on making her see that. And how does she do that? By bringing home a new guy, a soon to be husband, a soon to be stepfather...
