My Stepdad, Billie Joe Armstrong (Daughter of Rage and Love)

Some Days He Feels Like Dying, Some Days It's Not Worth Trying

Something dawned on me suddenly, and turning to Billie, I asked, "Wait. How did you know where to find me?"

"I used to come to this place every once in a while a couple of months ago, to unwind and relax, y'know?" he said, looking up at the almost starless sky.

Nodding my head, I followed suit and climbed on the hood of the car and stargazed.

In a couple of minutes, Mike drove in, headlights flashing.

Billie got off, almost falling in the process. Then he half jogged over to Mike and threw his arms around his skinny frame.

"Mike, I thought you'd never come, I thought I'll have to wait for you like Juliet waited for Romeo, unconditionally and irrationally," then he buried his head into his chest and sighed audibly. "I thought that was twilight," Mike said while patting his head and hugging him. They looked so adorable together.

I got off the hood and walked towards them.

Billie disengaged from the hug by the time I came up to them, trying not to sway from side to side.

"Mike, I would like you to meet my new daughter, Hope. Hope, this is the best, awesomest, most talented, most special boy in the world," Billie said, looking between us. His smile faltered and he pursed his lips, his expression growing cloudy. "Oh!" his expression cleared and he added, "His name is Mike," flustered.

I stuck my hand out and said, "Nice to meet you,"

"Nice to meet you too sweetie," he said, ignoring my hand and going in straight for the hug. I hugged him back, enjoying every last minute of it because this dude knows how to hug. He hugged me with the familiarity of a family member, something that I don't usually feel around anyone anymore.

My mom couldn't give me that kind of affection after dad died; it was like the part of her that was responsible for feeling happy died right there alongside him. Until Billie came along that is. None of her precious boyfriends could make her laugh sincerely; on some nights she would stumble home, drunk, and cry into her pillow until the sun came up. Any futile attempts on my part to cheer her up were met with "Get out here, it's none of your business!"

But a couple of months before I met Billie, I was introduced to a "new mom". She suddenly turned into a picture of happiness, would laugh and smile and joke around, just like she had when dad was alive. Maybe that's why I can't accept Billie into my life - he could make my mom happy again, while I, her own daughter, couldn't.

'Oh God, I have to stop thinking these things', I thought to myself while disengaging myself from Mike's embrace.

Mike looked at me carefully, as if inspecting me under a microscope and said, turning to Billie, "Why is she high? What is wrong with you - you're supposed to be the responsible parent, it's time to grow up,"

"The responsible parent is also high," I said and giggled.

Mike looked between me and Billie and said, "Great. I knew it. Billie, Billie, Billie, what am I supposed to do with you?"

"Billie's Willie," Billie said and giggled.

Mike put his hands over my ears and said, "Don't listen to him, when he's high he goes a bit crazy,"

"I've noticed, my fault though, I probably triggered him," I said.

"Wait, you were the one who got him high? It's not the opposite way around?" Mike asked, surprised.

"Well yeah, he's like, 'Oh look you're smoking? Mind if I have some?' and I'm like, 'Sure, I have enough for everyone,'" I asked and looked up at him. Damn he's so tall, how did he get up there?

"Well...I didn't see that one coming...but I like you kid. The only person out there in the world who could do the same thing is me. And I have just met my match, I bow down before you," Mike said, smiling, while Billie walked over to Mike's car and fell in the backseat.

"Hey guys, it smells like hot dogs here," we heard Billie yell and Mike yelled back, "No hot dogs for you, I ate them all!"

"FATTY!" Billie yelled back while Mike guided me to the front seat and buckled the seatbelt around me.

"Why does she get shot gun?" Billie whined from the back as Mike backed the car out of the parking lot.

"Because she's cool and not as wiped out as you, just go to sleep," Mike said.

Billie grumbled some form of reply and knocked out cold in the backseat.