you & i

fourteen » moment

dear infinity,

to be honest, i'm a little nervous. you always seem to know what to say. you always have a witty remark at your disposal and a correct answer on the tip of your tongue. your brain always seems to know that one and one make two and that the instantaneous rate of change is also the slope of the line tangent to the point no matter what the circumstance is. (perhaps that is why you enjoy math so much. or perhaps it is because you enjoy math so much.)

yet you couldn't form a single coherent sentence. as you spoke, you were unable to string together words that another person who understood english could make sense of. by the time i reached you, you, my shooting star, had fallen to earth so quickly, so fast, that i hardly knew what to do. you had descended into a screaming, sobbing mess, and i didn't know what to do.

so i did the only thing i could think of. i gathered you up in my arms and cradled you like a precious baby, cooing and murmuring sweet nothings in an attempt to calm you down. when there was nothing left to be said, i simply fell silent, praying that you would make it out okay and that, somehow, i'd be able to be with you through it.

you didn't calm down for a few hours at the very least. by the time i looked up, the sky had darkened and the stars had begun to appear.

i didn't want to pressure you to explain. when i asked if you wanted to talk about it, i could see on your face that you were extremely hesitant, that you almost said no. and that would have been fine because you are never obligated to tell me what's wrong. you never were. (it is nice because we are in a relationship, but i trust you enough to believe that you will tell me important information.)

and to be honest, i had no idea what to do with the information you gave to me. i couldn't imagine something so horrid, so terrible, that had slipped right under my nose. i am so sorry that i have always been so ignorant to these things.

you made me promise not to tell anyone or anything. and i won't, as i promised you. i won't even write it in this letter for fear that once i have said it, i will say it again in a more public setting. don't worry about making me keep this secret. for what's one secret kept quiet in exchange for the smile of the one i love?

i think i'm in love with you, infinity. but i'm not scared of it.

love,
beyond