you & i

thirty-one » intimacy

dear infinity,

i thought i wouldn't regret it, but i do. i regret breaking up so much. please, please, please, take me back. i can't live life without you. i know i sound desperate, and i know i sound needy, and i know i don't just sound like that but i really am being like that.

i don't care.

i need there to be a you. i need there to be a me. i need there to be a you and me, infinity. i have tried and failed to live separate from you, but perhaps we were wrong. perhaps we really are a constant meant to be combined in order to solve the equation. i refuse to believe that all of what we were was for nothing, that we are really separate equations because i feel too much for you for us to not belong together.

i hate this. i hate being apart. maybe you thought that you were ending my suffering by agreeing to no feelings, but this is even worse because i feel so much for you and i'm not even allowed to. in fact, i feel so much that i'm not even adhering to our agreement of "no feelings."

yes, i was the one who left the roses in your locker. i was the one who had the notes delivered to you in every period. i was the one who played the song for you over the intercom at lunch. have i gotten through to you yet? have i won you back yet? or has my desperation repulsed you even more than it already did?

i know this is quite the opposite of what we promised each other, but i figure that i've already broken so many of the promises i made to you that it doesn't matter if i break another one. my friends tell me that it's not worth my time. they're actually glad that we've broken up because, according to them, they rarely got to have fun with me when we were together.

can you believe that? my own friends don't even want us to be together again. but i don't care what they say. i want to be together with you more than i want to go back to playing the stupid video games i used to play with them.

besides, i love you. i love you so, so much, my dear infinity. and i've decided to take the internet's advice and just take a chance for my love. after all, if you come to love me, then shouldn't our love be enough to make us last for an infinity? doesn't love surpass all things? i'm sure we can make us work a second time. we'll have our first attempt at a relationship to learn from, and we can just refer to it as mistakes to never make again.

we make mistakes in order to learn from them. so i want you to take a chance and agree to become my girlfriend once again. i promise this time that i will do everything within my power to make you happy and satisfied with our relationship. i've been looking back, and i realized that my attempts were halfhearted. i wanted you to be satisfied with whatever i did instead of doing my best to satisfy you.

i've learned, so won't you please come to your senses and realize that we're meant to be together? i don't want to just throw away what we had and what we could have had into the ocean of "no feelings." i'm not going to let that happen. i will win you back.

be prepared, my dear infinity, for i will not stop until i take back what is rightfully mine: your heart.

love,
beyond