you & i

thirty-four » acquaintanceship

dear infinity,

we haven't hung out in a while. we actually haven't spent real time together in a few months. of course, there is the occasional "hello" in the hallway, but that's nothing compared to the hours we would spend talking under the starry night sky.

have you been well? i've heard some rumors, but i don't think they amount to much, honestly. i can barely even remember what people have said about you by now. i hope you're doing well and that you've been accepted into the colleges that you wanted. i know you were considering an engineering major, and i know you can do it.

as for me, i didn't get into harvard's astronomy program like i wanted to, but that's all right. with my grades, i didn't expect to do so. i'm not sure where i'm going to go instead. i still have another university i haven't heard back from yet, but to be honest, i'm probably going to be spending the next two years in community college and then transferring to a four-year college. those prospects aren't too bad. maybe harvard will accept me then.

i'm choosing not to worry about the future at the moment, however. i have a plan for the next two years, so there's no need stressing over it anymore. i've been spending my days struggling to maintain my average grades and playing video games with my friends. there's this new game that came out recently—i won't bore you with the details—but it finally dragged me back into my gaming phase i thought i outgrew.

or maybe i just outgrew you.

in any case, i've been spending a lot more time with my friends, and i've realized that i actually missed them. i didn't know until recently how i'd basically abandoned them for you. (this is another reason why you and i didn't work out.) i'm not ignoring them to go to a party with you or moping over the fact that you went to a party without me.

in fact, i've been choosing them over you. and now it just feels so right.

even though we haven't talked in so long, i've been growing a little closer to your brother more recently, oddly enough. i know it seems improbable because he graduated last year (as we're about to do soon), but he actually came to find me when he came home from college a week or two ago.

he actually seems interested in being my friend. while sometimes i think he's got too much of an older brother attitude or a womanizer vibe to be a really good friend of mine, he's surprisingly fun to spend time with. i didn't realize what a gamer he is, but now that i know, we can spend hours on end just talking about a new game release and whatnot.

he's brutally honest as well—at least, now that we've gotten to know each other. he's told me that the reason why he didn't really approve of us while we were together was because he saw immediately that i was taking our relationship seriously while you would be unable to reciprocate my feelings properly. he was looking out for you by trying to convince me to get out while i could, but in another sense, he was also looking out for me. i didn't realize how caring your brother actually is.

so there it is. i'm enjoying my last month of high school, despite the fact that some parts of my life have returned to normal and others not so much. and i hope you are as well, finn, even though we haven't had a real conversation in a while.

sincerely,
beyond