you & i

sixteen » lyra

dear infinity,

everyone is raving about your brother's birthday party. but can i be honest? the party itself wasn't great. it wasn't even good. it wasn't even bad—well, okay. maybe it was just bad. i'll be nice and not say that i thought it was absolutely horrendous and disgusting. oops, i guess i did anyway.

the only redeeming aspect of that night was you, honestly. i could literally not care less about who hooked up with someone other than his girlfriend or who was caught giving a lap dance to whose boyfriend or who vomited on whose designer shoes. all of that is disgustingly temporary, fading away before the week is even over for most.

but you. you are and have always been much more than temporary. i can see you being a permanent fixture in my life, and i can see my time spent with you stretching for as long as one of your namesakes. spending that night with you was utter perfection, and i couldn't have asked for anything else with anyone else.

you are my eurydice, and i would travel to hades just to lead you to the upper world. i'm not saying that you are in hades, but i'm saying—well, writing, but that's beside the point—that i will never stop looking for ways to improve your life, to get you to the life you deserve to be living. you only deserve the best, my dear infinity, and i will never hesitate to give it to you.

i'm not going to lie to you—i really would travel to the depths of the underworld just to experience a night like that. you were perfect, and i don't think you can be anything but perfect. i'm still in awe of the fact that, of all of the guys you could have chosen, you chose me as your boyfriend. you've introduced me to new friends, new interests, and basically a new life.

what i dislike (or perhaps loathe would be a better term) about this new life is the parties. you've already planned to attend parties for the next few weeks, and as your dutiful boyfriend, i must come with you despite the fact that i would rather stay home and play video games or watch a movie with my friends (i haven't done that in so long) or just sit outside and gaze at the stars with you.

perhaps this is my sacrifice for love, for you, for nothing ever comes without a price. orpheus chose to journey to literal hell (or maybe only mythical hell, seeing as this is a greek myth) in order to save his beloved. i wonder if he was frightened as he left his home in search of the land of the dead, and i wonder if his hands were trembling as he played his harp in order to enter through the doors that no living man should have laid eyes on. did he doubt himself on the way to hades, wondering whether it was worth the trouble to ask for something—or rather, someone—who might never be returned to him? did he worry about his song choice or his fingers plucking the wrong string as he put his wife's life and possibly his own life on the line with only his gift of music to save them both?

maybe he did, and maybe he didn't. and maybe i'm not asking the right questions or wondering about the right things. for what does it matter whether he feared or whether he trembled in light of knowing he was on a journey to save his beloved eurydice from the pits of hell?

perhaps it would be better to wonder if he heard her laughter in his dreams and smelled her cooking as he woke. did he imagine her body lying next to his at night or the sight of her smile during the day? if i had been orpheus and you had been my dearest eurydice, surely i would have. for i am as mesmerized by you as i am by the stars, only infinitely more so when it comes to you, my dear infinity. and i will do anything to ensure your happiness.

perhaps the gods will immortalize our love in the stars like they did for orpheus and eurydice.

love,
beyond