Battle of Hearts: Two

Chapter 45

Chapter 45

"Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie?
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?
Cause I'm not fine at all."
('Amnesia'- 5 seconds of Summer.)

The moment I reached my dorm room safely, away from the hollow and emotionless eyes of Cameron, regret came to me instantly. My brain said the decision to go on an eight hour road trip with Cameron alone was foolish. There could be several outcomes of this little trip. There was a chance we might get together but it was also possible that we may never want to see each other ever again. I wasn't sure I was ready for either of the two.

Sharing a car with someone from your past for hours, would eventually lead to discussing memories. I hated doing that, because I was afraid this metallic armour would break if we talked about it. It would make me weak and I didn't want to be weak ever again, at least not because someone broke my heart.

I sighed and fell back on my bed with a thud. I hadn't told my friends about my impulsive decision as I was sure they'd not like it. I wondered if I could cancel on him and buy a plane ticket instead. But, then he would think that I was a coward and that maybe I wasn't over him. Earlier during the day, when Kai and I were bitching about him, I was so convinced that I was finally over him. Then, I met him again and it completely threw me off. He destroyed my plans and I was back to square one.

Maybe, I was really not over him. I don't know anything anymore.

My last week was spent debating whether I should go or not go with Cameron. Somewhere, in the back of my mind I knew that I could never say 'No' to him for anything. And, I couldn't let him win. I was going to show him that I had moved on just like he did, by going on that road trip.

On Thursday, he texted me about the time and location from where he would pick me. And on Friday night, I finally told my two friends about my precarious plan for tomorrow morning. They were appalled to hear about it.

"How could you do that, after what he did to you?" Kai asked, his hands tied over his chest. Between Kai and Xander, he was the person who was most surprised to hear it.

"I don't know what I was thinking... Seeing him again was so overwhelming I panicked, I guess..." I told them frankly.

"You know, honestly I think you need to get some closure to really move on from him." Xander said, being the mature guy he is.

"You hate him, right?" Kai looked at me with suspicion.

"Yeah, I hate him for what he did to me."

"Then, what? Have you forgiven him?" Kai asked again.

We were sitting in a booth at the bar. I took a sip of my cocktail and pondered over his question. "I don't know, maybe this trip will help me decide that."

"You're absolutely crazy!" Kai shouted in anger. "I'm telling you it's a bad idea!"

"I know, but I don't think I can back out now. I have to vacate my room tomorrow or they'll kick me out. What's the worst that could happen?" I asked rhetorically.

"You could end up having sex in a car on the fucking freeway!"

Xander turned his head to stare at Kai for uttering such extreme actions. But, then he too began nodding. "He's right. With exes, those old passionate feelings can come creeping up anytime."