19 year old Tajanae has been in and out of trouble since her younger years. She has a drug dealing brother who has no respect for anyone and will protect her with no regret. Her mother and stepdad try their hardest to keep her step brother and siste...
"Sister Stacey was a good woman. She'd give her last to anybody who needed it. She loved her children. She didn't have favorites with them, they were loved equally.... You four keep your head up. Keep your head up knowing your mother was a Christian woman and that sun is shining bright outside cause those gates have opened and she's up there singing that beautiful voice with the angels. She fought a hard battle, but now she has no more pain, no more weakness. Now she has everything she could've ever asked for."
Tears flowed from under my dark shades as I listened to my mother's preacher say her eulogy.
My mothers favorite color was pastel pink. She always said there's a difference between pink and pastel pink.
Mon and I sat there dressed in our pastel pink button up shirt with our white pants and our pastel pink vans. Taj and Laysia sat between Mon and I dressed in their pastel & white button up, white pants, with their pastel pink vans.
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Ray and the pall bearers dressed in all white. The flower girls dressed in all white. Mon and I will be carrying our mother with Ray and some cousins. Taj and Laysia will be carrying flowers with Keisha and our female cousins.
My mama had her whole funeral planned out. Her casket, what she wanted to wear, how she wanted her hair, all that. We had to worry about nothing but what we was gone wear. She also asked for her casket to stay open.
She looked so beautiful inside her pink casket with her all white suit on. She was always beautiful though.
As the service was over the funeral guy handed the four of us our white gloves. We stood up and made our way to her casket before planting a kiss on her forehead. With the directions of the funeral guy we helped fix her casket to be closed. The funeral guy stepped back as we slowly lowered the lid on our mother's casket, tears falling from under each of our dark shades.
Tears fell from each of our eyes. Taj and Laysia got theirselfs together to pick up flowers with Keisha and our cousins. Mon and I rolled my mother to the doors at the back of the church where Ray and our cousins joined us to pick our mother up, Mon and I in the front on each side.
Watching them lower her in that ground brung out the pain in me I've been hiding. I curled over in my chair crying when I felt hands on.
"Stand up."
I slowly stood as the preacher removed my glasses and stared me in my eyes.
"Its okay to cry. Its always okay to cry. I watched you the whole time and you looked at her the whole time. Your strong, what's that you always said?.. Uhh.. Ford tough. You're Ford tough Quan. When you was shot she came to me and said my son gone be okay cause he's Ford tough. She said 'nothing can break that man...' You have to be strong for your siblings but just know its okay to cry. Whether its to yourself, God, your girlfriend, your sisters, it's okay."
I nodded my head as Taj walked up and wrapped her arms around me...
One thing about us we don't always get along but that's my baby. I'll lay it all down for her. I'll lay it all down for Mon and Laysia too.
The preacher walked off as I held my sister in my arms.
"We gone be okay, mama know I got you. She know I got y'all."
I felt my shirt getting wet. I sat down and placed Taj in my lap, her head on my shoulder. Soon after Laysia made her way to us and Mon followed. All three of my babies laid on me and cried.
Ma help us ! God give us the strength to make it through this, only you can do it.
"Its okay y'all. We gone be good, we gone be okay."
I watched my girlfriend and Ray make their way to us arm in arm. They were basically her kids too, they loved her just as much. Keisha stood behind me and laid my head back on her as she wrapped her arms around my neck and held me.
The tears I was trying to hold in flowed as my legs shook. The words I've been holding in made their way out.
"Mmmm mamaaaaa !!! Ma help us, help me."
"I'm tryna be strong for everybody else but Im hurting just as bad. Mama help me !"
Keisha's arms got tighter around me. Taj held me tighter still sitting in my lap. Mon gripped my shoulder even tighter and Laysia continued to lay on my other shoulder.
My cry got harder and harder as my girl, my siblings, and my homie held me close to them. People who attended the funeral that haven't left to go eat came close and I heard someone loudly start to pray for us as others joined in.
Soon I felt the hands of my grandmother.
She closed her eyes and touched us all one by one as she silently prayed.
"Bless these children God. Bless em. Stacy take care of your babies."
"They need you now... They need you now more than ever."
Sorry I never told you All I wanted to say Now it's too late to hold you 'Cause you've flown away So far away
Never had I imagined Living without your smile Feeling and knowing you hear me It keeps me alive Alive
