Never be the same (Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier)

Chapter 17

"Sometimes you don't accept the deal until you've become older and grown colder. When you've finally seen enough and hurt enough and mostly, ready to become numb." -JmStorm

"Stay still!" he screamed as he slapped me across the face, the slap was sure to leave a print on my face as it was throbbing like crazy but I refused to let him know that, "I won't tell you again!"

He walked back to the shooting range, the only exceptions being that I was now the target and instead of firing guns, he had opted for knives.

"The rules are simple, each time you won't tell me what you were dreaming about will result into me throwing another knife at you! Got it?" he shouted clearly enjoying this, "Now, what were you dreaming about?"

I closed my mouth even harder, if that was even possible. I wasn't gonna lose possibly the only memory I had. And even if it was just a dream, then so be it, I hadn't dreamed about anything before so I was gonna hold onto it as long as I was able to.

"Nothing, huh? Too bad!"

The knife landed right next to my left leg. I silently left out a breath of relief even though I knew this was merely the beginning.

"Let's try it again, shall we? What were you dreaming about?" he shouted louder this time, grabbing a few guards' attention.

I shook my head in response. His jaw clenched and he grabbed another knife. I screamed as the blade stabbed me straight in my right thigh. There was blood oozing from the wound down my leg.

"Is there a problem?" I heard the man ask, though weirdly enough the question wasn't directed towards me.

Soldier and the man kept staring at each other, "You want in on the fun?" he asked soldier jokingly, "Wait, you know the dream too, correct? Why don't you go and stand right next to her."

My eyes widened at how willingly he obeyed the orders. He didn't even think twice about being a target. As he made his way next to me I tried to catch his eye, but he kept denying me.

"See that is something! Let's rearrange the rules a bit." he said while flipping the knife he was holding, "So, if I ask the Winter Soldier what the dream was and he doesn't answer then I get to throw Miss Darkness and vice versa. Sounds good right?"

I turned my gaze to soldier but he was just staring blankly in front of him, "Winter Soldier, what was she dreaming about?"

I closed my eyes in fear of whatever was coming next, if he told him what I dreamed about I don't know what they would do and if he didn't I was going to get stabbed. There wasn't anything good in either choice.

I opened my eyes in an instant as I felt yet another knife stab into my flesh, this time left leg though. It hurt so much, both of my legs were now full on bleeding. Why was he doing this? It was just a dream.

I felt a tear make its way down my cheek when he asked me the same question. I kept my mouth shut and the next thing I hear is soldier next to me struggling to keep in his own screams. I looked at him and noticed the knife had stabbed him somewhere above his hip bone.

"I'm sorry," I whispered as quietly as I could manage.

"You guys are just adorable, aren't you?" he laughed, "nevertheless, what did Miss Darkness dream about?" nothing.

I cried out in agony as the knife got stuck in my shoulder. I could feel the warm blood dripping down my arm. I felt like I could pass out at any moment, so I closed my eyes.

"C'mon what did you dream about?" I could hear his voice scream at me in distance.

My ears kept ringing. I tried opening my eyes, but they felt so heavy. It all changed though when I heard his low scream. My eyes opened immediately and I was focusing all my gaze on the soldier next to me. The knife he had thrown was stuck in his chest and I didn't even dare to think what could have happened if it would have stabbed him a little on the left.

It was painfully close to his heart and I couldn't take it anymore, I didn't want him to get hurt. Not because of me. I couldn't let them hurt him. It was my fault. It was supposed to be on me.

"Stop!!!" I screamed out as best as I could, "I'll tell you, just don't hurt him!"

"You stop." I heard the soldier say, "Don't tell him, I can take it."

"Is that so?" he must've heard because the next knife that got thrown landed in his stomach.

He screamed out again and I couldn't take it anymore, he could have damaged his organs "No!! Stop!! I said I would tell you! Don't hurt him!"

"Shut up!!" Soldier screamed at me, his eyes open just enough so he could look at me.

'I can't let you get hurt, don't you understand that?' was all I could think, but I didn't say it. I knew that something bad was gonna happen when I told them, but I couldn't let him keep throwing those knives either.

"I dreamed of some girl named Cindy, okay?!" I screamed out and I heard the soldier next to me growl in frustration, "I don't know what it was, I don't even know her, it was just a dream!"

"Who would have guessed, huh?" he laughed, dropping the knife he was holding, "Come with me, Miss!"

I obeyed his orders. I pulled the knives from my legs out, but I couldn't get the one from my shoulder out. So I held it while I started following him.

"You'll never survive by being so soft," soldier said before I could leave, "You stupid girl, I don't need saving, especially not from you."

"Everyone needs saving from time to time." I told him before walking away.

Little did I know that would be the last thing I was able to tell him, before they flipped the switch in me. Something inside of me broke that night, something made me go cold. I remember the machine hurting my brain, I remember the man introducing himself to me as Alexander Pierce. Him telling me everything I was supposed to know.

Training after training after training. That's what I was supposed to do, that was what I was designed to do. That's who I was. A gift to mankind, they said. An asset. A weapon. A killer.