Trust Me, I'm Lying|| Eric Coulter

Still Sane

Zarah's POV:
"What the hell were you thinking?!" Eric yells.
Once we're finally in my room he throws me against the wall.
Grabbing my rib cage I pull myself up onto my feet. My blood pumping through my veins at hot as fire. Brushing the hair away from my face I stand facing him with no fear at all. And if there is then I'm inhabiting it completely.
"Sure because fucking my body up even more will definitely help me heal!" I snap as I punch him in the chest.
"And you think pissing around outside will help you as well?.....You stupid bitch" he replies with an annoyed tone.
"Excuse me?! Let's get one thing straight you psychotic fuck I'm not one of your little sluts which means you don't have any fucking control over what I do!" I snap shoving him as hard as I can.
My blood boiling hot with rage. A slight dizziness jumps into my head but I immediately shake it off.
I'm not passing out not now. I need answers and this motherfucker better fucking give them to me.
He then picks me up by my waist and slams me against the rock hard bed.
"Well too fucking bad princess because you're stuck with me now!!" He yells into my face his eyes grey with anger.
" Tell me why you let me stay and why you care so much about me? According to half of the people that think they know you you're never soft on anyone!" I scream.
He's silent. All he does is stare no words just silence. I thought that him being angry was the scariest, but it's this. Him silent and emotionless is nerve wracking.
Say something anything!!
Fuck I'm gonna regret this later.
I run my fingers through his hair and pull him closer to me. I let my fingers trail up and down his back before I rest my head in the crook of his neck.
The only way to get answers is to play along with him. It's taken allot of work but now lying is pretty easy. Plus to get answers lying won't hurt anyone.
"Please Eric I need to know"
Cupping my face in his hands his eyes stare into mine. The way he looks at me is different. It's one I've never seen him give anyone ever before. To be honest it's something I thought he was incapable of showing. 
Love or compassion either one. Leaning down so that our lips are only inches apart my heart skips a beat.
What the hell? Don't fall for it. Its not real what he's doing right here right now it's not real!!!
"I don't want you to get hurt" his voice sincere almost like he actually cares.
I push myself away from him out of fear. Once again he is silent.The only expression of his face this time is confusion.
Walking to the door and pull it open.
"I'm fine Eric & I appreciate the fact that you care about me......But I need you to leave please" I command ignoring any sort of eye contact with him.
A lump begins to form in my throat and I feel myself on the edge  of tears. But why? Deep down in my gut I know that I hate him. Maybe it's that fact that I saw the human half of him. Whatever it is all I know is that I don't want to feel it.
Maybe if I burn myself with a knife it will work? I'll try it when he leaves.
"Goodnight Rebel" he says with a soft tone.
"Goodnight Eric" I reply my voice shaking out of sadness.
Closing the door softly behind him I drop down onto my ass.
What the hell is going on with you Zarah? All it takes is one stupid confession and that's it? What are you thinking? He does this for a living he's probably learnt to perfect his skills of lying throughout the years. You've got to get it together.
'Knock, knock, knock'
"Rebel it's me!" Thaddeus yells from the other side of the door.
Getting off of the ground I welcome him into the apartment.
Positioning myself on the edge of the bed I watch as he walks in the direction of the bed with a 6 pack of Heinekens.
He hands me a bottle of the cold beverage with a sweet smile. The kind of smile I've only seen once in a blue moon. It's been almost 10 years since I last saw him smile. After my dad died and everything that followed he hardly ever smiled. It was always 'protect Zarah and make sure Zarah is okay.
**
"I've missed this Rebel us talking ya know actual talking" Thaddeus laughs handing me another bottle of beer.
I nod in agreement as I take a sip of the bitter drink.
He isn't wrong every conversation we've ever had since he left would end up in blood and tears. I guess sometimes you can't have a proper conversation, sometimes you just need to fight. Or maybe we've just got allot of shit on our plate that we need to get out there.
"You are not wrong Thaddeus Blake Fierce" I say before chugging down like there's no tomorrow.
"Speaking of Blake how's your Blake? I haven't seen or heard about him since......shit I can't remember"
Blake the one that grew his wings and flew too soon. The love of my life. The one that got away. I haven't spoken about him in years. After his funeral I locked myself away for 8 days. I  didn't eat, sleep let alone talk to anyone. I felt nothing throughout my period of grieving. I knew I was suppose to feel something but I didn't.
It took 8 days to get over him. And within that 8 days I buried everything feeling that I once had for him with him. But there is only so much that you can keep hidden from the world, and yourself.
"He......he died last year.........leukaemia....I guess after all these years Erudite still haven't found a cure for cancer" I say my voice shaking.
Bringing the top of the bottle to my lips I drink away the tears that threaten to fall from my eyes. Almost like he's reading my mind Thaddeus snakes his arm across my shoulders and pulls me close.  
"I'm sorry he was a great guy" he says gently.
"Don't be sorry. He was past the fourth stage so he had no chance of surviving. I had the chance of living his last days out with him. The good thing is nothing changed back at home" I reply as I grab the last bottle of beer.
The blood in my hand stops pumping as Thaddeus squeezes my hand. The feeling of my bones slowly crushing together sends a searing pain throughout my arm.
"What are you going to do about the second test? Because they will see everything not to forget the fact that if the leaders get control of this they'll ruin our lives " he says not making any attempts to hide the anger in his voice.
"I'm aware about all of that Thaddeus. But until that time comes I don't way to worry about it. I need to ask you something about Eric and I need you to be straight about it no sugar coating okay?"
"Fine what do you want to know?" The tone in his voice reminding me of those annoying little punks that think they're better than everyone.
Typical Candor boys.
"Why did he keep me here?"
"I don't know. When we brought you back I just knew he was going to have you cut.  But he told me he was going to be in charge of you when you woke up and that was it. I didn't have any time to respond" he replies with a confused look on his face.
He actually wanted me here?That means what he said before may or may not be true.
"What do you know about him?"
"Well he came second in our class that why him and Four have that stupid rivalry thing. And he's a transfer from Erudite"
"What? He's a nose?!" I scream chocking on my beer.
Eric the biggest scariest person I've met is a pencil pusher? This is just gold. You wait tomorrow Mr bookworm I'm going to shit on your life.
"Although.....he is really nice to you"
"Please spending quality time with me isn't exactly what you call nice especially if you end up getting into an argument over going for a walk"
"Shut up this is a very serious moment......Eric has a tendency to touter girls that reject him, but since you're the first one to stand up to him it's like you've broken him. He usually gives up on the girl after a while, but he's still trying to get you "
"Hmm.......well....I feel sick so I'm just going to drink this magic potion and hope that I forget that I asked" I reply before chugging down the last sip of beer.
Okay Zarah this is what we have nice Eric and mentally unstable. Let's look at the other evidence he's never given a damn about any piece of meat that's been dangled in from of him until now. And not to forget that fact that he showed actual emotion earlier on tonight. Well Zarah I think he may like you......fuck.
"I can see the evil little turn tables spinning in your eyes what's going on?" He asks his emerald green eyes immediately pulling me out of my trance.
"What? N-nothing just...give me some of that good shit" I reply sounding like a person going for a drug deal.
"What flask? I don't even know what you're talking about" His sudden reply makes it sound like he just fell off a truck.
"I didn't ask for a flask. Nothing I said was anywhere remotely near the word flask..at all. How the fuck did you even manage to pass initiation? " I laugh.
"The people go for balls and persuasion"
"Two things that you don't have" I reply immediately trying to sound really serious. 
When comes to anything food or alcohol related Thaddeus can be really stingy. And I know somewhere in his apartment he's got a stash hidden under his bed. After 16 years of practically sharing the same room together I've learnt a few of his tricks. Like the flask trick. To make it seem as though he was a real bad ass he drank out of a flask. Spoiler alert it wasn't whiskey he drank coffee. Once he was old enough then it moved onto scotch. And not the alright kind no this was the good shit.
"Don't finnish it" he says dropping the smooth metallic flask in my hand.
"You seriously don't trust me?"
"Shut up and drink" his voice and expression changing from dork Thaddeus to Dauntless Thaddeus.
Well that explains all the other times when he'd visits. I wasn't talking to dork Thaddeus it was always Dauntless leader Thaddeus. All the Dauntless that have been around longer and I've spoken to all seem to be complete assholes. They must have a specialised asshole class.
In the background Lighthouse by GRL plays on his speakers.
"I can't believe you still have this song!" I scream in excitement as I turn up the volume on the speaker.
"This is our song what am I supposed to do get rid of it?" He asks almost making me feel stupid.
It may be a real girly song but it explains me and Thaddeus's  relationship. He's always there for me and In always there for him no matter what.
The first time we heard it was the week our father had died. Our mother had fallen into a depressive state and locked herself in her room.
Thaddeus and I were in the kitchen preparing dinner and it played on the radio. We never said it would be our song then and there after a few more dramatic moments it stuck.
"Remember that time we left school to go and watch Empire Strikes Back?" I ask reminiscing back to the good old days.
"The cops found us roaming the streets so they called mum and she beat the shit out of us" he replies.
"We saw it in the end and it was shit"
"I wasted $7 renting that movie"
The years before Thaddeus left were hands down the greatest years if my entire life. I found love and moved out of my mothers house. My mothers house the place that created me and broke me beyond repair. If it wasn't for Ken and his loving mother I'd be dead no joke. I would've strung myself up in my wardrobe by my fathers belts.
"Oh shit how could I forget how's my favourite?" He asks.
"Lauryn? She's amazing. I know she's only 4 but I can already see her sitting in her big desk chair in Erudite" I say with such pride.
Lauryn is my little warrior princess and my baby sister. Since my mother stopped being a mother entirely and my controlling step father was the only parent around Thaddeus and I raised her. The hardest thing was leaving. Without me around she has no one to protect her.
"Is she safe?"
"I don't know I have to get back home to make sure nothings happened to her" I reply as I fall into a deep trance.
I hope she's okay. She can't get hurt if anyone lays a hand on her I will personally beat them than kill them myself.
"In a few weeks we're letting the people that pass the first stage go home for the day.....so make sure you pass" he drags the 'pass' hinting that I literally have to pass.
"Bitch please I don't intend on failing" handing the flask back to him he rolls his eyes at me.
Shoving his head only slightly he falls off of the bed. I throw a pillow at his face as I laugh uncontrollably. Flipping me off he grabs his speaker and gives it to me.
"What am I supposed to do with this?" I ask.
"Keep it I have another one back at my apartment. Go to sleep ugly I'll see you tomorrow" giving me a sweet hug he leaves the room.
"Love you boo!" I yell out to him.
"I love you more!" He yells back.
What a huge softie.
Throwing the big blanket over my head I slowly wait as sleep washes over me. For a second I could've sworn I saw Eric standing at the doorway, but then again it could just be a figment of my imagination. Although it wouldn't be that bad. As much as I hate him the thought of him being here eases my mind only slightly.
I want him.