Picture above👆is the tattoos that she's gon get. Because it's hard to describe traditional Maori and Polynesian tattoos.
Q&A
Beach house or lake house?
Lake house. Not a big fan of sand
Song Recommendation:
Numb by Max Jury
Zarahs POV:
2 weeks later
"It's my brother Andre" I mumble pulling my knees closer to my chest.
Since everything that happened that night I figured the only way to get over my fear was to face it head on. I wanted to talk to Eric, but an invisible force held me back. Not to forget the fact that he ignored me every single chance that he got.
Just as I feared, he got what he wanted and now he's ignoring me. He no longer comes to watch the sunset with me. He no longer comes to see me on the rooftops or at the chasm. He no longer says "Good morning Queen Awesome" every single morning when we collide in the hallways.
He no longer acknowledges my existence.
I've been coming to the fear landscape every single chance that I can get. Four insists that I stop, but i can't. Something keeps eating me on the inside tearing me apart day by day, and I can't get rid of it externally. So the next step is externally.
Every single day it's the same exact ones. I get past the same 2 like it's nothing, but I always freak when it comes to the third. Andre.
"But it was water" Four states as he plays with a few knobs on the control centre for the computer.
"I know. My fear of water is because of Dre" everything about him, about that day just cuts me to the bone.
My brother, the other half of me, my soul mate. Andre. The love of my life. The other me. One womb, one cell, two bodies. Everything that embodies him embodies me too. Everything that he was I aspire to be.
"I don't understand" he sits down on the seat beside me, concern written all over his face.
Slowly the memories start to flood back and they replay like a never ending horror movie.
Do you ever have those nightmares that you just can't run away from? You think you've woken up from the dream, but instead you wake up in another dream. And once you've finally woken up from that dream, although you know that it was all an illusion every time you close your eyes you see you're nightmare once again staring you in the face. Well that's what this feels like for me. And endless nightmare.
So much water, so much blood. Why didn't you? Why couldn't you?
"When we were 7....Dre and I were playing around near this small stream. It was pouring with rain and the rocks were slippery. He slipped...and" I pause all the terrible memories stealing the words right out of my mouth "his head" the flashes of blood followed by faint screams in the background as I remember that day makes my head feel dizzy "He fell onto this rock, and he slid into the water. He was still breathing, but he couldn't do anything. I froze" the tear start to fall at an alarming rate and my chest feels as though it has tighten to the point where I can hardly breathe "He died because I couldn't toughen up. By the time Thaddeus found us it was too late"
I had the chance to save him, but I couldn't. I've had the chance to save him over and over again. Every time I take the test it's the same one, I always get the chance to save him, but I can't. I'm scared to look at him. I'm afraid to accept the fact that I'll never be able to save him. I'm afraid to accept the fact that I'll never have him back. Even if I do save him in the fear landscape, he won't be alive in the real world.
The truth hurts, but it needs to be said. All of it.
"When my brother died my mother lost all happiness.When Andre died he took our mother with him. All she cared about was the boy that would uphold our family name, but he died, and I didn't. My mother wished in her heart that I'd never been born. After Andre died she did what ever she could to break me"
And by everything, I mean everything. Attempted murder, statutory rape (conflicted by my step father John), abuse, framing me for stealing, starving me, putting me in foster homes, she legally disowned me, selling me as a prostitute. Everything that she could do and make sure that it wouldn't trace back to her.
But I always fought back. Every she would fire her bullets I'd always dodge them. Throughout the years I've learnt how to pick up the signs of danger. And when I shoot at my target, you better believe I'll never miss. I'm like the dead shot of the Dauntless world.
But just because I'm a good shot and I know my way with words, doesn't mean that I don't feel. I feel just as much as every other girl, I'm not made if stone. The downfall with me is, when I cry the gets don't stop. It's like I'm a leaking sink.
He places a comforting hand on my shoulder and runs his hand along my arm soothing my emotions only slightly "She's not here anymore Little Bird" he whispers making my heart drop to my stomach.
She's not here in a physical form, but she's in my head.
He attempts to pull me into a hug, but I pull away "You were just a kid, you were too young to know what was happening" he tries to calm me, but it just makes me feel more agitated than before.
"No, it's not that" I snap "Four" I pause the pain in my heart growing once again in my chest "When my brother died I......I don't feel anything. I didn't even cry at his funeral" I whisper feeling ashamed of myself.
There was shock when my brother died, but that was all I felt. No remorse nothing. Everyone says that at first your shocked, then it'll pass and that's when you finally break. I never got to the breaking point of my brothers death.
I didn't feel pain the day that he died. I didn't feel anything. Growing up I had to actually force myself to feel something.
When I do cry, and it's because I'm feeling emotions I take it as both a blessing and a curse. I want to cry just to feel the burn in my eyes and the chance to actually feel something that's real and isn't forced, but I also don't want to feel it. The pain is so unbearable I wish I couldn't feel.
Does that make me a crazy person?
"You were too young, allot of kids don't cry"
"I was old enough when my father died, I still didn't cry. There was pain there, but for some reason I just couldn't show it. It felt like I was a different person. I felt pure anger and hatred" I snap in anger pulling and tugging at my hair in frustration.
Four tears my hands from my hair and pushes me up against the chair. He places my hands above my head his hand still wrapped tightly around my wrists. His face is so close to mine I can smell the minty fresh scent of mouthwash. A hint of concern flashes across his face but it's immediately replaced by angry.
"How long has this been happening?" He orders the line in the middle of his face deepens as his grasp around my wrists tighten.
"Since Dre died" I reply in a hurried pace feeling extremely uncomfortable about what happening right now.
"You need to leave, don't tell anyone what you told me during this session okay?" He orders pointing at the door.
"Okay" I spit back like an annoyed female being growled by her mother.
The way he looked at me was like I had killed someone. He looked at me like I had a gun pointing at him. He was fine before I told him about what happened after Dre died.
What did I say? Did I bring some kind of traumatising moment from his past?
Everything about his persona completely changed. He was just like, Eric. Everything about him resembled Eric so much. His speech, body language, facial expression it was almost as though Eric had taken over Fours body.
Never have I ever seen Four like this before. If he's capable of mimicking Eric, who knows what he may be capable. He may even be more deadly and lethal than Eric.
**
"Okay what's wrong with Markus?" Ken moans taking his seat on the group table.
"You don't see it?" Tris laughs.
Peter taps Tris on the shoulder and whispers something into her ear sending the pair of them into a laughing fit.
"See what?" He asks still oblivious to everything.
"He can't see it. If we tell him what's wrong with Markus he won't be boyfriend material anymore" I state.
"We'll be good friends and keep him in the dark" Thaddeus replies taking a sip from his cup with an evil smile on his face.
"Yea, he's a great guy" Peter replies trying his best to keep a straight face.
As soon as he broke the rest of us all slammed out heads onto the table and fell into a puddle of laughter.
"I'm gonna go" Ken says awkwardly.
Here's the problem with Markus. He's got this really ugly laugh. When I say ugly I mean it sounds like his vocal chords have been flipped. When he's with us we try to limit the amount of jokes so we can avoid hearing that ugly laugh. And he does this really disgusting sound. It's the sound of someone clearing their throat before the spit, but the thing with him is, he never fucking spits! And also the last thing when he pisses, he drops his pants down to his ankles. Everyone can see his ass. I've seen it on multiple occasions.
I've come so close to saying "Dude you're a grown man, so get your ass in your pants" I'd expect it from little kids, but not from a grown man.
Tris gives me a small head nudge indicating that she wants to leave so I stand up slowly and follow her out of the room. As we walks she hooks her arms around mine and pulls me close.
She's been insisting that we go get tattoos, but I've always made up excuses just to avoid it. It's not because I'm scared of the pain, it's because I'm not really sure what I want to put on my skin, ya know for life. If I get words and my tattooist fucks up and misspells something then everyone will know me as the dumb kid with the words 'No Regerts' written on my arm. Tattoos need to have a special kind of meaning to it. Well that's what I think.
We turn a few more corners before we come to the tattoo parlour. To start everything off I get the standard piercings with the January garnet birthstone and on the top of my right ear I get a piercing with the November topaz birthstone. There's a slight pinch followed by a white hot burn, but it slowly fades away.
As I'm flicking through the multiple options of tattoos I come to a stop when I see Eric's photo. His face is slimmer with no piercings making him look almost unrecognisable and his body isn't as big and toned out as it is now, but his eyes are still the same. There's something different about him. He looks more peaceful, not damaged. He doesn't look like a crazy person.
"He's big, I mean he's huge. His hands are the size of your face" Tris buds in ruining my train of thought.
"What are getting at Tris?" I ask suspiciously.
"You know what they say about guys with big hands" she nudges my shoulder.
Guys with big hands? What is this chick getting a-
"No, no, no, no, NO!" I practically scream as I pace back and fourth "Hey you, Brainiac!" I scream out to Will the Erudite transfer.
"Yes?"
"That thing about dudes privates being the size of their hands, true or false?" I mumble trying to place my words him the correct order.
"False. Actually th-"
"That's all I needed to know. Thanks" I cuts him off my breathing immediately slowing down.
"You're welcome" he replies smiling awkwardly before walking off.
"There's nothing to worry about" I smile punching her in the shoulder.
False alarm vagina.
"Yea but still. Imagine carrying his kids"
"We're not having kids. I'd rather not rip my vagina in half bringing the spawn of Satan into this world" I sigh and annoyed sigh as I get myself comfortable on the seat.
"They'd be really beautiful though" she smiles trying her best to find the positives in between my sea of negativity.
I zone out for a while and carefully asses what she has said. With a mixture of our eyes, pigmentation, hair colouring and also our perfect bone structure, our kids will be so fucking beautiful. It'll be like beautiful angels.
Not to mention the fact that they'll be hella smart. With a mixture of Eric's book smarts and my street smarts they'd be a cross between Stephen Hawking and Bear Grylls!
"You've got a point" I say finally admitting defeat.
**
-3 weeks later-
Eric keeps his hand wrapped tightly around my waist as we wait for someone to answer the front door. I tug furiously at the unnecessarily short summer dress trying to get comfortable, but nothing works.
Since my tattoos are still healing I can't wear long pants or wear my hair down like I usually do. So I've jumped to wearing dresses. Also I sorta had no choice. According to Max I'd look more professional I I started to dress more like a lady and not a skanky little hoe.
Eric tries to kiss me, but I move away from him. This is the 3rd time I've seen him since that night, and now he's trying to act all lovey dovey with me. The bastard didn't even give me a reason as to why he was ignoring me.
The door opens slowly and a pair of haunting green eyes pierces my heart.
"Hello Angel"(This chapter is for Alpha_Hunter_Vampire I know how it feels when the writer doesn't update your favourite book. I'll try my best to do another update, but I'm not making any promises. I'll be M.I.A for a few weeks so don't get all pissy it I don't update, because I've already told y'all.
Also follow me on my Instagram @xomisschale.
Love you all ex oh❤️)
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