Trust Me, I'm Lying|| Eric Coulter

Madness

Zarah's POV:
5 days went by and not once did I see Eric. But then again I did tell him to stay away, and like a good soldier he followed my orders. I feel sad that I told him to stay away but it was for the good of both of us. The more I fell for him the more likely I would push my friends and family away. And the more he fell for me or whatevered for me the more I'd push him away and hurt him.
I've stopped talking about him entirely due to the fact that I don't want my friends to think that he's all that I care about. I've had 5 good days to think about how I feel towards him and I've come up with nothing. So far the only diagnosis I can give myself is lust.
Lust also meaning to have a strong sexual desire for someone. And that's why I have towards him a strong sexual desire. Perhaps there is apart of me that wants something romantic with him, but I'm mostly consumed with lust. I don't know what he's done to me, but I hate it.
Go away come back. Go away come back why can't I just have it both ways?!
Stepping into the training room a young boys body drops lifeless at my feet. I look up in order to find which direction he was thrown or better yet who threw him. It takes a while for me to find his opponent until my eyes lock on him. Tall, muscular with arm and neck tattoos and beautiful blue eyes. My soul shatters as his lips shape into a smile.
Immediately breaking eye contact I walk over to the knife throwing section. My hands tremble as the cool metal touches my skin. Terrible memories begin to flood in and I force myself to push them back down into the pit of despair.
Get it together Zarah.
I throw a few knives, but each throw is sloppy. A few fall to the ground while others miss the target completely. On one throw I almost broke a window. Struggling to keep my thinking straight I throw 3 more knives which all fall to the ground.
"How bout you start hitting the target?" His deep voice at the back of me shocks me but I pretend not to be fazed.
"How bout I hit you?" I say under my breath throwing a knife with such force at the target that it hits the bullseye marker.
It's about time.
"What did you say?!" He snaps spinning me around to face him.
"I said how bout I hit you!" I yell as I struggle to push him away from me.
A hush falls throughout the training room and slowly all eyes turn to face us.  Wrapping his left hand around my right arm he squeezes it tightly. I he's trying to cut off my blood circulation he has succeeded.
Not breaking eye contact with me an evil smirk forms. My heart stops at the very thought of what he may do to me.
"Okay......Tyree get in the ring your fighting me!" He orders while his eyes still stare deep into my soul.
"Excuse me? I'm Zarah that's Tyree. It's me you want" I say indicating that I'm clearly Zarah.
Releasing me from his grasp he walks in the direction of the mat.
I look at Tyree her face full of fear. I give her a reassuring smile and go into Rebel mode.
"I know and I'm fighting Tyree" he says like the cocky bastard he is.
"No! It's not her fault. I started it you should be punishing me!" I yell trying to stop him.
"How do you feel about not fighting me?"
"How do you feel about getting knocked out by a woman?" I reply standing confidently showing that I'm no longer afraid of him.
But I never really have.
Whispers begin to grow within the room as Eric approaches me at full speed. On either side of my peripheral vision I see Ken, Thaddeus, Tris and Four standing in utter shock. His eyes go from calm blue to a light shade of grey that crushes my confidence just slightly. He grabs my hand and pulls me along with him like a fog on a leash.
"Everyone get back to training!" He snaps.
And just like that knives were being thrown and people were beating each other. I look back at my friends and give them a reassuring smile even http ugh deep down I know this won't go down well. I know he won't let this slide easily, but I also know that if I get others involved their will be much more casualties than I would like.
Dragging me down the halls until we are completely out of sight he throws me to the ground. Griping my aching ribs I look up to find him standing over me. Pulling myself off of the ground I stare deep into his eyes.
Anger takes over me and I throw a heavy bunch right into his jaw. Stumbling back only slightly he grabs my hand and pulls me to his body. With his left hand he grips the back of my neck and digs his nails into my skin.
"You're insane do you know that?!" He  yells staring deep into my soul.
"If this is some stupid joke to try and get back at me it's pathetic!" I scream punching his chest.
"It always has to be about you doesn't it Rebel?!"
"Are you serious?! You're dumber than I thought" I scoff.
"Watch your mouth initiate!" He snaps slamming me against the wall in anger and frustration.
"It's Zarah!"
"I don't care!"
"You're so fucking immature" I laugh.
"I want to punch you in the face right now" He says calmly as his hand search for a place to rest.
Eventually he rests his hands on my waist and that's where they stay.
"Do that and I'll knock you out" I whisper with the most seductive voice I can conjure.
"I'm going to make your life a living hell"
"Hell? I vacation there sweetie"
"I hate you"
"Not as much as I hate you"
Removing his hand from my waist he pulls me to his chest. His right arm snakes around my back in order to stop me from running away. Burying his head into the crook of my neck he kisses my skin softly. I run my fingers along the back of his neck before releasing a sad sigh.
"When are we going to talk about this?" I ask.
He stops kissing my neck which sends a tingling sensation throughout my body "About what?" He asks in confusion. 
"Us"
"What do you want me to say?" 
"Do you want to be with me?" My slightly pained in preparation for what will follow.
"I could ask you the same thing"
"I don't know.......Once I pass this week I'll give you an answer"
"You know that you get to go home for the day on Saturday right?"
"Okay?" Completely confused I push myself away from him but his  hold is too strong.
"Four is going to supervise the stiffs. Max's going to Erudite. And since there's no other transfers besides you guys. Thaddeus and I are coming to Candor" he says with a huge smile on his face.
"I'm pretty sure you had the option to stay back and train the Dauntless born" I say trying to persuade him not to come.
"I did but I chose to come with you"
"I want to slit your throat" I mumble beneath my breath.
"What'd ya say?"
"I said what's the point there's nothing interesting at all" I lie.
" I want to meet your family"
"Huh?" I say full of shock.
"I'll be monitoring you and that Ken thing to make sure you two don't run off" the smile on his face never fading.
"And what if I said I said I don't want you following me?"
"Then I'll say 'deal with it because I'm coming wether you like it or not' "
"Great" I say sarcastically rolling my eyes.
He states at my lips hungrily like a wild dog. Going on tiptoes in order to be closer to him his lips are lowered so they are closer to mine. I don't know what he does to me that makes me want him every hour of every day, but I love it. I'm a sucker for pain and I love the constant torture he gives me.
I'm like the Harley Quinn to his Joker. We're both equally insane, but for some reason we can function without one another.
Just like Harley I was a stable, but once I met my Joker he had me on his leash and I was happy to be there. He could make me do anything he'd want me to do and I wouldn't say no.
I don't remember what my life was like before Eric and I don't want to know what it's like without him in it either.
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Tyrees POV:
That fucking two faced bitch after all the things we've known each other she throws it all away for some guy? Typical Rebel whenever there's a boy family doesn't matte anymore. And to think she took fucking Eric's side when he almost killed me?!.
Walking through the empty hallways of Dauntless my footsteps sloppy I fall onto the wall for support. My blood pumping with anger and whiskey. I never drink, but right now I want to drink until I blackout. And when I wake up I'll do the same thing all over again.
Never in my life have I felt so betrayed and ignored. My two best friends in the entire world have taken the side of a psychopath. Gripping at the neck of the whiskey bottle I place the mouth the bottle against my lips. A bitter taste travels down my throat and warms my chest as it travels through my body. My hands tremble causing me to drop the glass bottle on the concrete floor.
The sound of the shattering glass sends a sudden pain shooting through my head. My vision slightly blurry, but still I know that I have to keep my mind straight.
Climbing up what feels like one million flights of stairs I finally find myself in a long hallway. On the left side stands 2 big white doors and the right side as well. Pounding on the door closest to me my heart stops as the knob turns slowly.
For a second I feel as though I've made a stupid decision, but hate consumes me. Every choice I've made so far is because of hate. To be honest I don't care at all, I don't feel anything.
One day I'm almost beaten to death and the next I'm drinking shots of tequila off some complete strangers stomach.
I've done everything to take away the pain. Sex, drugs, alcohol just to take away everything. Take away my mother and my asshole father alongside my asshole brothers and all the boys I loved who wouldn't love me back.
I think I've become so numb to the point where I can't feel pain anymore. And it's true I can't feel shit. I can't feel anything. We think that pain is the worst feeling ever, but it's not. The feeling of not feeling anything at all is the worst. It's like a hole you can never fill. No matter how much sex or drugs you have nothing will ever fill the void.
"Tyree what are you doing here?" A familiar loving voice asks as he opens the door wider.
"Did you ever love me?" I ask fighting back the tears with all my might.
"What?" He asks full of confusion.
"Did you stay with me because you loved me or just because I was pregnant?" My voice trembles thinking back to my dark times.
Tears threaten to escape my eyes, but I banish them immediately.
"What do you want me to say?" He asks with guilt in his voice.
"I want to know why you left me? I called you for weeks because I needed you, but you left me behind like I was some sidewalk whore!" I scream punching his chest furiously.
"I'm sorry" that's all he says.
After everything he put me through and all he can say is "I'm sorry".
"Do you think sorry is just going to make everything okay? Do you think sorry is going to bring our son back?" My voice cracks and the tears finally fall from my eyes.
Pressing my body against his chest I claw at the materials on his shirt for support. Almost immediately he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me closer to him. His cologne makes me feel like throwing up, but I don't care.
For once I can feel. It's a feeling I haven't felt since the day he left me. Love. I've both hated and loved love. It creates a light around the person you cherished the most, and in this unpleasant time it would illuminate around him.
After he left me I felt lost. I felt as though someone had died, and that someone was me. It was the day my heart died because he took parts of it were single day. I locked myself away and banned any sort of light from entering my room because he was my light. Instead of moving on like a normal person I waited.
Eventually I accepted the fact that he was never coming back for me, but the feeling still remained. The feeling of hope that one day he'd come back and take me away.
I tried to tell Zarah how I felt, but she was too busy with making sure Blake was dying slower. She couldn't take time away from her dying boyfriend to see how her BestFriend was doing. And Ken was always too busy taking care of his family to take 2 seconds out of his day to manage my problems. Some kind of friends huh?
"I didn't know what to do. I was young and stupid. At the time I thought a kid would make my life less fucked up. But once I transferred I realised that I had to sort out the problems from my past before I created new ones"
"Are you saying our child would've been a problem for you?!" I scream unable to take in what I've just heard.
"I'm saying I would've never been able to raise that kid. What makes you think you would've been any better?"
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!" I scream shoving him against the wall.
"Ree you stopped taking your meds while you were pregnant. If he did survive child services would've taken him from you" he says shaking me furiously.
"You don't know that! I stopped taking my pills because I was pregnant. I would never hurt my baby!" I scream punching him in the face.
Big strong arms wrap around my waist and shoves me against the wall. Kicking and screaming uncontrollably tears begin to form.
"Tyree you haven't taken your meds you need to calm down!" Ken yells forcing me to keep still.
I continue to kick and scream, but he doesn't loosen his grip at any point. Making no advances of escaping I hit my head against the wall uncontrollably. Blood trickles down the concrete wall like a small waterfall.
My eyes grow heavy and my legs collapse beneath my body.
They call it bipolar disorder also known as split personality disorder. I had my first psychotic break when I was 7 years old. My family didn't know what to do so they sent me to Erudite.
They left me there for 2 whole months. The doctors poked and prodded me like I was some lab rat. After 2 whole months of agonising pain they gave me a bottle of pills to subsidise it and sent me on my way.
Pills can only do so much. I took those pills so I could cover up my true feelings, so I could cover up the pain. I chose not to take my pills and for once in my life I had some clarity.
For once in my life I felt the pain I had been longing for. And if seeing clearly means being an outcast them so be it. I'd rather be happy  by myself than fight to make others happy.