Surviving the Life Dax (Smythe #2)

Chapter 16

This chapter isn't really a trigger warning, but you know what happened to Dax, so them discussing it might be a bit much for people.

Chapter 16

       "You want some McDonald's?" Seb asked as he drove down the road to our apartment.

       "No."

       "KFC?" Seb asked.

       "No."

       Seb sighed. "Dax, you've got to eat something."

       "I'm not hungry."

       "Yeah, I kind of figured that considering you barely ate anything for the past two days," Seb said.

       "Hospital food sucks."

       Seb sighed again, but he didn't say anything else as he continued driving to our apartment. When we got there, I headed straight to my bedroom and laid down on my bed. Seb, however, decided to follow me in there. "Why won't you talk to me about what happened?" he asked.

       "Because there's nothing to talk about," I said. "I tried killing myself. It didn't work. I'm still alive. End of story."

       "There is something to talk about," Seb said. "What were the voices saying to make you snap like that?"

       I was silent for a bit before answering. Seb was not going to let this go, so I had to tell them. "Various things. How you're going to forget me when your baby comes. How nobody will ever love me and Isadora is only friends with me out of pity. How it was my fault Mom's dead. Because it is."

       "Dax, it isn't your fault," he said. "It was an accident and you shouldn't blame yourself."

       "What if I said no to going to the baseball game like you did?" I asked. "She wouldn't have taken me and got into the car crash on the way. I wouldn't be schizophrenic right now. She would still be alive."

       Seb sat down beside me on the bed. "I know it's tough thinking about it, but it isn't your fault, Dax. These things happen."

       "I deserve to be dead."

       "Don't say that," Seb said. "You don't deserve to die, Dax. It wasn't your fault, so please get that in your head." He got up from the bed. "I have to go pick up Artie now. Will you be okay?"

       I nodded, so he left my room, closing my door behind him. I laid down on my stomach, my head resting on my pillow with my arms underneath. I hated feeling this way. I hated feeling guilty over my mom's death, but I couldn't help it at times.

       A few minutes passed and my bedroom door opened, then closed. Someone walked towards me before sitting down on my bed. "Hey."

       I opened my eyes, furrowing my eyebrows. "What are you doing here?"

       "Well, my dad is on detention duty today, so I thought I got Sebastian to pick me up and bring me here," Isadora said. "How are you?"

       "I feel horrible," I said. "All gross inside."

       Isadora gave me a sympathetic smile and scooted closer to me. I then rested my head on her lap and she pulled the blankets over me. "I'm happy you're still alive," she said softly, running her hands through my hair.

       I didn't reply. Was I happy that I was still alive?

       "All the work that we did in school was omitted for you," she said. "All your teachers know you were in the hospital, but only my dad knows why because I told him. I hope you don't mind that I told him. I had to because of the last time someone overdosed."

       "It's fine."

       "There's also a quiz tomorrow in English, but you don't have to do it," she continued. "My dad said it would put too much stress on you right now, even if you have to do it later on, so he's omitting that as well since your marks are high enough."

       "Okay."

       "You missed a fun class in drama today," Isadora said. "We played this game called Royalty. But I was getting distracted too easily, so I kept going to the joker chair. I even had to wear a joker hat."

       "Sounds fun."

       "I got sent to the principal's office," she said.

       "....What?"

       "Collin asked me out, so I punched him in the nose," she said. "I think it's broken."

       "....Collin asked you out?"

       "Yeah, but like I said, I punched his nose," she said. "I don't date jerks. I was going to get suspended, but it was my first time ever acting like that, so they let it slid. I'm surprised my dad didn't even ground me. Anyway, Collin's probably really mad at me now, but I don't care. He's a stupid douche bag."

       "Yeah."

       "Calculus was very boring without you," she said. "The worksheet was boring and your jokes weren't there to like it better."

       "I bet."

       "And we got a lot of homework, which I'm probably not going to do," she said.

       "Fair enough."

       "And my sister is dead."

       "What?"

       Isadora sighed, intertwining her hand in one of mine. "The person I knew that passed away of a drug overdose....it was my sister. She was twenty years old. I was fifteen. She had depression and overdosed. On purpose."

       "I'm sorry," I said. "Losing a sibling like that....It must suck."

       "Yeah, it does," she said. "So seeing you suddenly collapse and then the doctors tell us it was a drug overdose....It brought back the memories I tried so hard to push away. You're my best friend, Dax. I didn't want to lose you, too."

       "And you almost did," I said. "Because I was selfish."

       "Dax, you weren't being selfish," Isadora said. "Some people can't handle it, and you were one of those people. Nobody thinks you're selfish for what you did."

       "So you're not mad at me for making you go through that again?" I asked.

       "I'll admit, I'm upset, but not mad," she said. "I could never be mad at you. You've done so much for me since I moved here. You're a better friend than my old friends. You stand up for me, you make me feel wanted, and you always make me laugh. Don't be so hard on yourself, okay?"

       I nodded and closed my eyes, hoping to rest for a bit, even though that was all I did when I was in the hospital.

       I wasn't able to fall asleep, but I did rest my eyes, keeping my head on Isadora's lap as she played with my hair. 

       The more I thought about it, the more I realized I was actually happy with the way my attempted suicide turned out. I still felt horrible, but I couldn't leave Isadora like that. She meant so much to me, being both my best friend and more than that, even though we were just best friends. I wanted to be more, but I wasn't sure if I was ready for a relationship.

       I guess I had to wait and see how things turned out.

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Dax is so cute, being all cuddled up like a puppy on Isadora's lap. cx

So the chapters I really want to write will be chapter 19 and 20, since....Well, I can't say. 19 should be up on Wednesday, depending how much I get distracted. cx And it could possibly come tomorrow, on Tuesday, if I have know how 17 and 18 is going to go. But I won't get home until around 5, and I think I have to go out at 7, so we'll see. I'll try not to get distracted. cx

A lot of you will probably hate the chapter....

Just kidding. I think you might like it. cx