Blue Flower

Chapter 24

-Chester-

I held my hand tightly all the way back to my classroom. Andrew’s touch still lingered on it for a long time, and I wish it would never fade. It still made me feel loved and cherished, but somehow, I knew he didn’t feel that way. For him, it meant as a thankful gesture. It wouldn’t exceed more than that. A strange smile was on my face. This inner joy I felt was heavenly, in fact more than heaven. And at the same time, I was hit with a powerful wave of hurt.

The next morning I brought my journal with me. I was so passionate to write down all that happened yesterday. It seemed like a part of history, and I knew I don’t have to waste even a single moment.

I put the cover of the toilet bowl down, sat easily locked the door and began writing. My hand moved softy and smoothly along the white paper. The words I had in my mind were not that deep, but enough to paint the scenes I spent with him. It was like putting colors in an empty canvas, and soon, it would be a beautiful artwork.

I finished writing when the bell rang. From where I sat, I looked at the clock. The time told me it was just eight in the morning. I sprang from my seat and ran to my classroom, the faster the better.

Classes went on without any interruptions. I rummaged my bag, fearing that something might have been lost without my knowing. I decided to look for my journal, and felt worried when I didn’t feel it with my moving hand. My heart raced inside my chest. I carried the irrational fear that someone might have picked it up and read every single thought I had about Andrew. He could have let somebody read it and as the story goes, all the things I’ve written would be publicly available.

“Hey Naomi, have you seen my journal?” I asked when she looked my way.

“No.” she said.

I let out a big breath of air. This was alarming to me. I instantly got up from my seat and moved all the way out. I came back to the bathroom, hoping that it might be there. In that very cubicle where I sat, I looked for it, and there was none. I just closed my eyes in frustration. An angel must have passed it by, and never attempted to open it.

The next morning I came to school with a worried heart. I couldn’t find my journal, and I was still hoping for a leap of faith to happen. My prayers were turning into faded hopes. I walked up to our digital bulletin board, because people were so crowded in front of it.

“Excuse me.” I said and inserted myself into them. What was posted on the computer monitor was something important.

What I saw made my eyes widen. I was featured in an article, about my forbidden love story. There were pictures of Andrew and me, those times when we were alone. There were excerpts of my journal entries written in that article, and I could clearly see the author’s hatred toward me. He didn’t reveal his identity. I felt my whole world crash into pieces. All my secrets have been publicized by this mysterious guy. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I stared at the pictures. The one when Andrew offered me a plat of barbecues when we were at Springville, at Reese’s birthday party, after the soccer game, and the latest was when I managed to heal Andrew’s wound. I couldn’t get my eyes off the monitor and I clenched my fist in ager. This was unforgivable. My life was now on a standstill.

People began to stare at me. I sprinted to my classroom out of shame, running as fast as my legs could take me. When I reached my destination, I could see my classmates throwing disgusted glares at me. Words didn’t seem to fit at this moment, but when I glanced at board, foul languages against me were clearly written.

PERVERT. DOUBLE-BLADED. SADISTIC HOMOSEXUAL. GAY.

I couldn’t say anything. All the things that I wanted to shout turned barren inside my tongue. I kept on crying while the silence still prevailed. I found Naomi standing beside the window, looking at me as if I were a criminal. She was supposed to help me out, but she didn’t move an inch to save me.