Blue Flower

Chapter 21

-Chester-

I examined myself carefully on the mirror. The reflection of it held me back, quite confused on how to describe it. Ever since I met Andrew, I had this trouble with my own orientation. I knew deep inside that I was a man, that I was a real boy. But those strings of events I encountered along the way led me to a whirlwind of emotional torment. I wasn’t ready to fall in love, not with a girl, nor with a guy. I promised to myself that I’d make my commitments in a romantic relationship when I reach the age of twenty. And yet, I was submerging myself into a one of a kind disaster.

I admit, I’m really confused about who I am. I don’t blame anyone for this. My inner self was the one to answer for this, of how I fell in love with Andrew when I wasn’t supposed to. Every time I saw him, butterflies invade my stomach, making me want to flip if he wasn’t around, and every time I saw him with Reese, my heart beats uneasily, overreacting with the pain that it bears. I found these things strange, and I knew that I should wash my face with running water to clear out all the fractures of my identity.

I wished I was born a girl. I could do anything I want, and apart from all these, I could love Andrew, without worrying that the feelings I had for him was forbidden. I could feel less pain, but still it’s painful, on a lesser intensity though.

But in reality, I was just a girl, trapped in a man’s body.

Sad but true. It sucked and it hurt. I was haunted with that given fact. I had to face it, or else, I’d be at a loss someday.

One question and I needed a quick answer.

Was I a boy, or a girl?

I was confused.

A tear rolled down my cheek as I looked away from the mirror.

Six consecutive knocks on the door made me spring up from my bed early that morning. It was just eight-thirty in the morning, and I was busy doing nothing. I went out of my room and asked Hayley who that person was.

“Open the door, bro. She might be visiting you.” she said.

I rolled my eyes and swung the door open. My expectations of Naomi visiting me failed. Hera was there, standing in front of me. She wore a bright smile on her face.

“Hi, Chester! Wanna go biking with me?”

I craned my neck to see if she had her own bicycle. It was parked outside our gate. Without any second thoughts, I answered her with a yes right away.

“Hey, wait for me!” I yelled and laughed as I pedaled my bike to Hera. She was driving way too faster than I was. While kicking my feet round and round, I was trying to catch my breath. I was going faster, trying to gain my control.

I pulled my brakes when she suddenly stopped in front of me.

“Sorry.” she said and then laughed.

I laughed with her and balanced myself carefully.

“Hey, I just want to ask something.”

“Sure.”

“Why did you ask me out?”

She plunged herself into deep thinking before answering me. While waiting for her to speak up, I rummaged my bag to look for a piece of apple. I took it out of my bag, and then bit a big portion of it.

I gazed at her straightly, waiting for her reply.

“I just want to spend some time with you. And what are friends for, right? You’re the very first guy friend I ever had.”