Choices Between Us

Chapter 24

Harry's POV.

I lie awake in my bed,  alone.  Thinking of the events of the past few days.   I know I have fucked up yet again being side railed by Sarah and her laying on thick the guilt trip of how I am not there for my son or her.  

I know I have been there for my son always,  am there for both of my children.   They are my world and they do indeed come first.   But why do I have to be there for Sarah.   That is the thought that keeps going through my head over and over again and preventing me from sleeping.

I feel so unsettled with the decision that I made to try to make my failed marriage work,  the divorce papers still needed to be singed to make it officially over.   But I had to go and fuck it up and tell Sarah that I would try to work things out with her.   Which deep down made me sick to my stomach.

Over the past few weeks, before Sarah came to visit.  My heart was a hundred percent sure where it belonged and who I belonged with.   My heart had never doubted who belonged there beside me and that was Raya.

When I think about her now,  lying here alone in my bed just wishing she was here beside me so I could hold her in my arms and sleep peacefully.  She is what I wanted,  what I have only ever wanted.  She was kind,  loving,  funny, awkward as hell.   She was an amazing mother to our daughter, everything that my mom was to me and what I wanted for my children.   She was sexy as hell and I loved her with every fiber in my soul and for whatever reason she loved me and would forgive me over and over again.

"Why have I been so stupid?" I ask myself sitting up on my bed.   I knew that this horrible feeling that I had in the gut of my stomach was because I made the wrong choices today,   I was a dick to Raya and asked her to be my second choice yet again.   She wasn't my second choice or would she ever be my second choice.   I could never give my all to Sarah and make it work with her when I was so in love with Raya.   I wanted a life with her.........only her.

I could still be Greysons dad,  hell I had been for the past eight months that Sarah and I have been separated.   I knew what I had to do.   I just had to make it happen.   I grab my cell phone off of the bedside table and look for my lawyers number.   I didn't care that it was three in the morning,  I needed to make things right so I could proceed with my life.

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"Harry are you sure this is what you want to do?  I mean you are giving her your house here in London  and you are going to keep her living comfortable with a monthly supplement."  James my lawyer asks me as we are going over the legal document I had him draw up as soon as possible.  I wanted this over with.  "I know you are asking for shared custody as well so you will be paying for alot of your son's care either way."

"It is what I want."  I tell him and I sign the legal contract in all the right places.  I take a deep breath and shove the document towards him gently.   I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.  I couldn't wait to tell Raya,   we were meeting with the realtor this afternoon to see a house that she thought that was going to be for her and Lena but it was going to be for us as a family.    I was beyond excited.

"I am happy to get this taken care of for you so quickly Harry."

I stand up and shake the mans hand,  I give him a big smile as I am beyond excited to tell Raya.   I pat my pocket of my blazer to make sure the ring I had purchased for her years ago was still safely tucked in there.  Yes I am going to ask her to marry me,  the sooner the better.

Raya was on her way back here now,  she was meeting with Louis who agreed to take Lena out for the rest of the morning so we could go look at houses without distractions.   I already had the perfect house in mind,  I just hoped she liked it as much as I did.