Captain Swan One Shots

He's Gone and She's Losing Her Way

Turning back one last time she hoped to see him running through the graveyard to come with her. She waited as long as she could but the portal was closing and if she didn't go now, she'd never get home."We have to go, you did everything you could Emma." Her father's soft voice and gentle hand on her shoulder reminded her of the time limit on the portal. With a small nod of her head, she felt his hand leave her shoulder as he stepped through the portal. Looking back one last time, she felt the tears build up until finally she let a single tear escape before turning and stepping through the red portal.

Looking at her surroundings Emma noticed that they were indeed back in Storybrooke. She knew she should be happy they were finally home but how could she be happy when she left the only person who felt like her home back in the Underworld. "Everyone alright?" The words barely even processed in Emma's head, she felt completely numb. Her head was filled with thoughts of their goodbye and her heart ached just for him to hold her. "Emma? You alright?" She stood paralysed to the spot, she didn't hear her father or anyone else try to call her out of her sudden trance. Suddenly her vison cleared slightly as her son's voice called out to her. "Mum?" He took her hand in his and Emma tried to smile at him, to at least fake one but she couldn't. Without a word spoken Henry wrapped his arms around her, embracing her. It didn't help the pain, it didn't do anything. Emma wanted more than anything to mean it when she accepted his hug, she wanted to still be a god mother. When Henry pulled away he offered her a small smile and took her hand again, together they walked (Henry practically dragged Emma – she was like a lost puppy, not knowing where to go) to the loft.

She was angry at her mother that was for certain. Annoyed that she wanted Emma to move on and get a grip so quickly. She wanted to lash out at her but instead Emma bit her tongue and stayed quiet. She knew she was just extra riled up because of the loss she'd just had. Her father, Henry, god even Regina and Robin understood she needed time. They tried to get her to sit out while they hunted down Hades and even though Emma wanted to go and give the guy a nice dozen punches to the face – she knew they were right. Instead she stayed in the library with her mother – accompanied by baby Neal- reading and researching to try and find another way to destroy this God of the Underworld. Emma hid herself in the back corner of the library, away from her mother's view. When the others had let earlier her mother had practically yelled at her to get a grip. She complained Emma was too emotional and should just stay and read. The worst part was when she'd said "do it for Hook." Even Emma could tell that was blackmail and it hit very hard. So up the back of the library without her mother knowing Emma constantly snuck glances at the image of her and Killian in Henry's storybook. She read a few words every time but never got far before her eyes filled up with tears and she'd have to shut the book to stop herself form losing it. She ran her fingers over the image of Killian to many times to count, at one point she closed her eyes and recalled the memory she was looking at. Before they were together, but still just as sweet.

~~<O>~~

4 weeks had passed and Emma still felt just as empty, more even. Hades had been defeated, with the help of her pirate. Even from beyond the grave he helped her. She visited his grave almost every day and even though she knew he was gone she still spoke as though he could hear her. She told him about Henry and how her family was. She told him she was taking care of the Jolly Roger for him and that Henry – his faithful student – was even teaching her to sail. Passing on the knowledge her pirate had given him. Watching her parents happy together, seeing Regina get her happy ending with Robin, even the fact that Rumple still had Belle after al he'd done messed with her mind. She constantly wanted to destroy the happy moments these couples shared with her magic, a lot of the time Emma could feel it boiling up under her skin. Sometimes a light would flicker or a glass bottle would shake, that was always her cue to try and calm down. Everyone else got a happy ending except the Saviour. The one who helped everyone else get their happy endings was apparently destined not to ever get her own. Walking to her house she sighed deeply and lay on the couch.

He was gone. He was actually gone. The realisation suddenly hit her all at once. He wasn't coming back, she was to live in this house that was supposed to be theirs alone now. She'd never see his smile again. That beautiful goofy groin he got whenever he saw her. Or that smirk he'd use when he was up to something. Emma would never hear his beautiful voice tease her or tell her stories of his past or ever hear him tell her how beautiful she was again. Even though she'd always tell him he was blind it didn't hurt having something think you hung the moon and stars. She'd never see his gorgeous cobalt eyes again, never see the way they darkened slightly when he was worried for her or the way they seemed to shine when he was sailing or after she'd kiss him. Emma would never again be allowed to see the way his face would light up the second he would see her. She'd never have his arms holding her again, she wouldn't feel his soft kiss pressed to her cheek, temple or her own lips. Shew wouldn't feel the warm air they'd breathe in after they'd kiss, how his forehead would rest against hers softly. She would never be allowed to complain about how he was taller than her when she wanted to kiss him or how he didn't know about any technology or modern things. He was gone and she knew she'd never be the same. Her heart was empty, her mind blank and her body in pain. The promise of keeping the armour off would be broken and that pained her more. She couldn't hold anything in anymore, she was sick of being strong. Without him being strong seemed weak. So instead of forcing herself to fight to find a way to get revenge on Hades for what he'd done Emma did the last thing the old version of her ever expected.

She finally broke...forever. No return, no saving. A broken little lost girl who lost the only thing that mattered. The truest love of all.