Captain Swan One Shots

Nothing Will Ever Be The Same

It'd been a day since their return, a day she didn't even want to live. She didn't want the pity or the sad faces trying to comfort her. She didn't want people saying they knew him well and are going to miss him or that they know what she's going through because she knows they're all lies. No one understands, no one will. That's why she didn't want to do this but her parents forced her hand.

She refused to wake up, didn't want to face the day ahead. Instead she pulled the covers over her face and tried to sink into the mattress. Unfortunately her mother – ever the bitch – wasn't having it. "Emma just stop being stubborn. We get it OK, you're upset, and you don't want to do this. But sweetie he's not coming back, he's gone Emma." She could feel the tears burning her eyes and the anger built up in her head again. The cursing words filled up her mouth so much she thought they'd come flooding out. Instead she bit her tongue not wanting to yell and destroy the bond that had been built between her and her mother. Instead she just pulled the covers tighter and tried to sink down further, hoping her mother would just give up and leave.

"Get up, we've got to get there and you've got to finish this eulogy speech for him. I told you to do it yesterday, now what are you going to say." That was it the last straw, she'd been holding her tongue, forcing herself to try and stay calm but her mother just kept pushing. "I don't care about some eulogy speech! I didn't write one because I don't want this! I don't want him in the ground rotting away knowing he'll never come back to me! I don't want to see his grave every day and remember that we never got the future we wanted! So no I didn't write the stupid eulogy speech because I don't need one. I never did because you can't express how angry and pissed I am about his death on paper. There will never be enough words or right words to say just how much I cared about him, how much I love him and how much it hurts that he's gone! By now she realized there were tears freely falling down her face, her face was red and angry. Her tone wicked and she didn't regret any of it. If her mother wanted to be a bitch about this situation, Emma could give it right back and 100 times worse.

"Emma I just..." Words escaped her mother, she stood dumbstruck at Emma's sudden outburst. From the stairs a voice was heard entering the room. "What's going on up here, why all the yelling?" David walked into her room, dressed all in black clearly ready for today. He looked at both women but when he saw the tears on Emma's face he rushed to her side. "Emma what's wrong?" He embraced her, pulling her tightly into him. She nuzzled her head into his shoulder. It wasn't like Killian, nothing ever would be. No this was her father and it was good to know that at least he would comfort her in this time. "David she's just having a break down from Hook, she'll be fine. She just needs to get ready for today." Another sudden sharp pain built up in her chest. "HIS NAME IS KILLIAN!" David pulled her closer in attempt to calm her, because while she may be all grown up, she's still his little girl. "Snow why don't you go check on Neal or something because you've clearly upset her more than needed." Before her mother could protest her father glared at her, "go!" Without another word she left, back downstairs to check on her favourite child.

He sat with her until she calmed down, calmly waited for her to say what happened to make her loose it. He stayed and tried his best to comfort her. "I just...it hurts so much dad. I can't do this, I can't go on knowing he won't be there." "I know Em, I know and I don't want to make you feel guilty but just think about it. He wouldn't want you to do this to yourself. You told me he said that he wanted you to try to move on." He kissed the crown of her head, "I will be right by your side all day. It's ok." He rose to his feet offering her his hand, "come on. As much as we don't want to, we have to do this." Confusion set in, did he just say 'we'? "We?" A soft smile made its way to her father's face. "As much as I teased him Emma, he was always ready to protect you. He was good for you and he almost always had my approval.

~<0>~

Standing in a black dress she knows he would have thought she looked beautiful in, no makeup and a flask in her hand she stood in front of his grave. She hadn't been able to give the eulogy after all, she knew all along she never could. It was a lovely ceremony, one she just wished wasn't for him. Almost everyone in the quaint little town came to say goodbye to the Savior's pirate. The second she walked over to the grave to speak she could feel it building. She didn't even get through her first thought before she stepped back and into her father's embrace. He spoke for her instead, every word coming from heart. It warmed and broke her heart all at once, all the emotions too much for this poor orphan to handle.

After everyone leaves it's just her, left alone with the coffin that's about to go into the ground containing her True Love. She steps up to it and runs her hand across the top, placing the flask of rum in the middle. "Thought you'd like it more than flowers." Her voice is barely a whisper, so quietly it may as well not even be there. She tries to fight the tears, wanting to remain strong like she used to be able to do. She did it with Neal but it was harder this time. No matter how hard she tried to deny her emotions they kept finding a way to escape. Finally giving in she fell down beside the coffin. Leaning against it, sitting a puddle of her own tears. Cursing the world, cursing her stupid fate. Wishing she wasn't the Savior that everything was normal. That she could just have him back. She knew the wishes were pointless but it didn't matter. A scream that started in the centre of the world came up through her feet and out her mouth. Her tears hot and burning her eyes. Vision blurry, head spinning, emotions on a roller-coaster she stayed by the coffin. In glass case stuck inside with the hurt.

The final puzzle piece to break her, because losing him meant not only losing her way....but herself.

A/N: Wow look who's getting better at angst. Ugh this hurt to write, I had to fight back my own tears just writing this. Oh well hopefully you liked it, let me know if there is anything you think I should improve on or if you'd like something particular written.  I've had all these notes down since 5x20 and 5x21 that I never got a chance to write. So sorry that these are so angst filled and all about Killian dying. The last one shot was another one of my ideas from what occurred in 5x20. Oh well, I've got a few more angst one shots coming but I'm pretty sure they'll go back to being fluffy really soon. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed xxx