Yesterday, I Loved You

Chapter XV • Gripping the Thorns

/Jhoana/

"Bea, turn off your lampshade please..."

SILENCE.

She did not respond, di rin niya pinatay yung lampshade niya. So, I decided to open my eyes, to take a look on her bed and to check if gising pa ba siya or tulog na, kaya di siya sumagot. And I was shocked, nung makita kong, wala na siya don? I get my phone on my sidetable, then I checked the time on the digital clock, and it's 3:38am palang!? And sa mga oras rin nato, wala na agad siya sa bed niya? I looked at the bathroom, hindi naman bukas yung ilaw and kung gantong oras naman di naman niya ugaling mag-banyo. Tiningnan ko na rin yung pinto sa may balcony, pero naka-lock din naman yon. Lampshade lang niya talaga yung nakabukas ngayon and napansin ko rin naman na wala na yung phone niya sa sidetable, so umalis nga siya and dala niya yon.

I fixed my hair immediately nung naisip ko na umalis talaga siya, then after fixing my hair I get out of my bed, then I wore my jacket and slippers. I go down the living room to check if she was there, pero wala siya don. San naman kaya siya pupunta ng ganitong oras? I also took a glance on the kitchen and dining area, but she's not there also. I'm worrying na talaga, bakit ba kasi siya umalis sa kwarto ng ganitong oras...

I opened the front door silently, para hindi narin ako maka-abala pa sa iba. Then as I stepped my right foot outside, I felt that the wind was slightly blowing and obviously sobrang dilim din, kasi nakapatay lahat ng ilaw ng poste ngayon.

"Goshh..." I muttered.

And yes actually, my greatest FEAR was darkness. But I need to search for her, for my girlfriend, because loosing Bea was the most creepy part of my life, if it will happen...but I hope, she'll not going to walk out my life at all...

Baka kung ano na kasi yung nangyari sakanya ngayon, baka mamaya mapahamak pa siya. Baka hindi ko na siya makita ulit. Omy, napapa-paranoid na talaga ko... I used my phone nalang as my flashlight, as guide ko sa dilim nato, nakalimutan ko kasing magdala ng mismong flashlight...

Halos nalibot ko na yung buong training area namin, pero no signs of Bea parin. Nag-aalala na talaga ko sakanya, pero kailangan ko siyang mahanap...

May isang lugar lang naman na hindi ko pa napuntahan, and siguro nandun nga lang ulit siya ngayon. Sa pond, nung naisip ko yon, I turned off my phone's light then I dashed on that place immediately, di ko narin inintindi pa yung dilim, basta ang nasa isip ko lang ngayon, pupuntahan ko talaga siya.

My heart pumps, loud as a drum, fast like a race car, na para bang sasabog na siya anytime mula ngayon... I was barely breathing din, because of running, pero I tried to steady myself nalang...

Siya nga yon. Kahit madilim, kahit malayo at kahit pa nakatalikod siya, I can feel na siya talaga yon. Kahit pa shadow lang niya, malinaw na si Bea nga yung babae nayun. I walked a little more para sana makiupo sa tabi niya, but I saw another lady. The lady's head was on Bea's shoulder pala... So, napaatras ako. May kasama na pala siya ngayon, mas mabuting di ko na sila maabala, diba?

My heart stopped, my breathing got interrupted, like there's something on my throat. I want to take that thing out of my throat, pero sa iba lumabas. I felt my tears came out my eyes, those tears made some warm lines on my cheeks. I was just staring at Bea with that lady, na kahit pa masakit titigan na may ibang kasama ngayon si Bea, gusto ko pa ring makitang nakangiti siya. Kahit pa hindi na ako yung yung dahilan, o yung gumagawa ng dahilan para lang maging masaya siya.

"You made me happy kaya..."

That was Bea's voice. 'You made me happy kaya.' Those words were like a sharp thing, sharp thing that made a deep stab in my heart right now. It's very painful for me, na there's someone else na who makes her happy, na higit pa yata sa kaya kong gawin...