Yesterday, I Loved You

Chapter XXIII • The Wish

/Bea/

"Bea? We'll going to eat na! Open this, please?" It's kuya Loel.

Wala. I'm not in the mood to eat e, or just open my damn swollen eyes, or just stand here, walk out of my bed and then open that stupid door...I don't like to open my mouth just to shout a 'Later'.

I don't know, I just felt these feelings instantly after those happenings between me and Jho in Canvas Condominium. Parang wala na talaga kong lakas, parang hindi na nga ako kabilang sa mundo nato e. Parang si gravity na nga lang din yata yung humihila sakin para mag-stay pa ako dito...

"Bea? Please, open this na..." He's very makulit talaga.

"Don't mind me! I'm okay kuya!" I shouted with my morning voice even if it's already our dinner na. And I did it without opening my eyes parin, because I'm so tamad pa.

SILENCE.

Yep. He stop na, so I'll rest na ulit. I need to gain myself again by resting, feeling ko kasi na-shatter ako.

"O? Kala ko ba okay ka lang, Bea? Why do you have those swollen eyes?"

Ow. I immediately opened my eyes because of confusion. And there I found out. He's already standing inside my room? But, how? Did I locked my door lately? Aw. I forgot pala.

"A cockroach bit my eyes last night..." I have to make a palusot kaya.

"Walang cockroach here..." He said then after non he crossed his arms, like a boss.

"Kagabi kasi meron..." I said while covering the half of my body with my blanket.

"Edi sana, you screamed. O kaya naman, you ran downstairs, while screaming 'daddy' na parang baby..." He said. Yep, I really hate cockroaches talaga and pag may cockroach, si daddy agad yung naiisip kong tawagin.

SILENCE.

"May problema ka ba Bea? Tell me na. Diba nga, ako yung kuya-bespren mo?"

It really touched my heart, nung sinabi niya yun. I called him "kuya-bespren" before, because obviously he's my best friend talaga sa lahat ng bagay. He's always listening to my nonsense problems, dati and until now parin...

I felt my tears flowing out of my eyes...I just can't hide myself from kuya Loel, I can't pretend in front of him na masaya pa ko, dahil halata naman na nasasaktan na talaga ako...

"Bea, is it about that 'Jho' nanaman ba?" He asked in a serious way.

Then I heard his footsteps na unti-unting lumalakas. Papunta na siya sakin and I was so nervous dahil don...

I wiped my tears immidiately. I want to hide it from him hanggang kaya ko, ayokong makita niya na mahina ako ngayon. We're brave. Hindi kami marunong mag-cry before, because crying means you're a loser. Pero sa ngayon, I was the opposite version of that Isabel Beatriz... I am a loser now, I am a loser since I met Jho...

"You're crying..." He whispered. Then he sit on my bed without making some obvious noise.

"Cause I am just a human, kuya..." I said between my sobs.

I turned to look at him, nakaharap pala siya sa may door and his back was on me.

"Yes, you're just Bea. Kaya nga hindi naman masamang mag-cry, at hindi rin masamang masaktan minsan. We're just humans, may feelings, my senses, and especially...my puso."

Wala naman talagang masama sa pag-iyak, ibig kasing sabihin non, nasasaktan ka o kaya naman...nagmamahal ka. So, dapat bang maging proud pa ko ngayon kasi umiiyak ako? Kasi, finally nagmahal nako?