No Going Back

ix

"Lilian was a second mother to me, she was there for me during the hardest times in my life especially when my mother was in her final moments."

Today was the funeral and I offered to speak instead of Issac or Luke. They didn't have to and I wasn't about to let their Aunt bully one of them to talk.

"She was sweet and kind, she'd put everyone before herself. She was an amazing friend and a great mother."

I sent Issac, Luke's little brother, a small smile to which he returned. "Lilian wouldn't want us to be sad about her being gone, she'd want us to be hold onto the moments that she made with us."

I walked forward, placing my rose on her casket. "I'll never forget you."

Soon after my eulogy, the funeral went by fairly quick.

My dad walked over to me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "I've allowed Issac and Luke to stay with us. I made a promise to Lilian, and so -"

I met my fathers gaze and cut him off. "It's okay."

I took him by surprise with my answer, I think he believed I was going to protest. "I'm not angry papa, I understand."

Looking back at Issac and Luke, they were standing by the casket. "Besides, they were there for me when mom passed away or well they tried to be so now it's my turn."

Placing a kiss to the side of my head, my father smiled at me. "You're so grown up."

Reina walked up next to me, slipping her hand into my own. I smiled at her, "Come on let's go home."

I nodded and allowed her to pull me to the car while my dad went to get the boys.

₩₩₩  

You're probably wondering about when my mom passed away, right?

It was in July when I got the phone call, I broke down crying and immediately rushed home to my dad.

He was also crying, which broke my heart. They told me she went peacefully in her sleep, so I hope she wasn't in pain.

Of course I regret not visiting her enough but at least we talked on the phone as much as we could.

I miss her and I regret never writing back to her now, but she's in a better place and I'd like to believe she knew that I forgave her.

I have yet to read the letter she wrote me, unable to gather the courage to do so. You know? I'm just afraid to see what she might have to tell me.

"What can I do to help?" Luke asked bringing me from my thoughts as I collected the dirty dishes.

Briefly we looked at one another before I went back to cleaning the dishes.

I haven't spoken to him yet, and I didn't know what to say if I did.

"Nonsense, we got this. Don't we girls?" Everyone agreed and I heard him laugh. "Alright then."

We all fell into a comfortable silence, that is until one of the moms began to make small talk.

"So Valerie are you Luke dating yet?" I froze, dropping the cup that I was currently cleaning.

I turned to look at her, "W-What?" She smiled at me innocently.

"You know, you and Luke. You guys are dating right?" She asked and I shook my head confused.

"No, he's my .."

What is Luke to me now? Was he still my best friend?

"Friend. We're just friends nothing more."

She hummed but it was that type of hum that made you think there was deeper meaning behind it.

Reina then entered the kitchen with more plates, she put them in the sink and began helping me wash them.

We all worked in silence and from the living room you could the laughter coming from the guys.

As the silence surrounded us, I began to let my thoughts wander. What was Luke to me? Did I even still feel the same way about him?

When he kissed me, I guess that was when I realized that he was nothing more than a brother to me.

But I didn't know if I could consider him a best friend again.

"Weren't you guys supposed to be somewhere?" Aunt Cassie asked, bringing me from my thoughts.

Reina and I looked at each other before shrugging. "No it's fine."

My Aunt shook her head in disapproval before coming over to us and ushering us out of the kitchen.

"Nope, go do whatever it is you were going to do. We got this." I frowned biting my lower lip nervously.

"Are you sure Tia?" She nodded and I gave her a quick hug before Reina pulled me towards the front door.

"Where are you guys going?" Xavier asked as we passed the guys. 

I smiled innocently. "To the moon." I told him keeping a straight face before laughing along with Reina.

"Just kidding but gotta zayn."

And with that we ran out of the house and into my car. "Where to?" I asked Reina who held up one finger.

"The mall." I shrugged pulling out of my driveway, going to where she said.

We're off to meet Reina's crush.