No Going Back

xxxv

I'm depressed or so Reina says but I mean she would be depressed if Nathan left her and it's been a week.

I've been locked up in my room for a week and I don't care. I can't find a reason too.

I just want to know we're okay, that he's not going to leave me but at this point, I've given up.

He doesn't answer my calls, texts, or anything. I fucked up, really bad didn't I?

"Babe? Are you hungry?" I just shrugged, "I don't think so. I mean I don't feel like I am. So no."

Reina sighed and then walked out closing the door behind her. Did I mention that I haven't eaten much and when I do I just puke?

Is that depression? I don't know anymore, and I don't care.

I haven't really had a long conversation with anyone because I just don't know what to answer.

"What am I supposed to do? Just let my sister sit in that room and stare at the walls? Let her cry herself to sleep every night only to wake up screaming in pain? She's my sister basically, she's all I have left." Issac? Yeah, it had to be Issac.

I smiled at his words before letting myself fall back onto my bed and stare at the ceiling. I closed my eyes and let the memories I had with Elijah flash through my head.

Like last year when he took me on a date it was to a small river and we just sat on one of the benches, watching the stars. We talked about random things, laughed and I just fell for him even more.

Yes at the time, Luke was still in the back of my mind but at the moment it was only Elijah. It's always going to be Lijah.

"Val?" My thoughts were cut short with the sound of Issac's voice saying my name.

I hummed in response making him sigh. I heard the door close and then the bed sank a little meaning he had gotten on.

"We should do something today, please?" I sighed.

Should I? I mean I have been locked up for so long maybe..

"No." I said bluntly while pulling the covers up to my shoulders. "I don't want to do anything but ... stay here."

That and I'm to weak to even possibly walk on my own. He let out a frustrated sigh. "You sound so much like him. It's soothing almost." I whispered to him.

Issac chuckled, "Yeah I get that a lot." I forced a small laugh before turning over to face him. "Maybe tomorrow Issac." He nodded and sent me a smile but it didn't reach his eyes.

I felt bad, but I didn't want to leave this room. Ew fuck, I sound like one of them depressed little school girls.

Issac left, and I was left alone once again.

"What am I doing to myself?" I whispered to nobody but myself.  "You're falling again, except no one's at the bottom."

I continued to talk to myself for awhile before deciding a shower sounded good. I walked or well slowly made my way to the shower.

Getting my clothes off was easy, I looked into the mirror and frowned at how sucked up I was beginning to look and at how many new scars I created.

My arms looked as if someone could easily snap them if they wanted too and same goes to for my legs.

Wow I really have gotten weak ...

I turned on the water getting it to the temperature I liked it at. I heard noises outside the door, but ignored them and got in the shower.