The Outsiders: I've Made Mistakes

Chapter Seven

I glanced at the clock, 1:46... I have school the day after tomorrow . I know it's weird. My brother was just murdered along with two other deaths yet I going to school the day after tomorrow. I just want to get out of the house. It held to many memories. I sat up, pulled my knees to my chest as I rocked my self. I closed my eyes softly as more tears pushed out. I didn't want to sleep, my mind was raceing with thoughts of what the hell I'm gonna do in my life. I glanced over to my nightstand. Seeing the blade on it. I took a double look. Heastaint to grab it but... 'Soda showed you happiness and it's gone now...' I grabbed it hard and flicked it out. I had two many scars on my left forearm so I switched it. I held the blade in my left hand and set it on my wrist. Tears poured on my cheeks then I pushed it in. I drug the blade across, painting a crimson line. I clenched my teeth I know Soda didn't want me to do this but he's not here. A dumbass bastered killed him. I wasn't doing this in only sadness but also much anger. I began painting lines of red rappedly when I heard a familiar voice I haven't heard in along time. "Ponyboy?" It said. I looked up with the blade in my wrist. "Hello?" I say, looking around to see who said that. It sounded too much like Johnny. I felt a ghostly hand on my shoulder. I looked to my left seeing a see through almost white version of Johnny. "Pony?" He said, "Johnny?" I say... I didn't want to know that I could see him I didn't. "Whats going on here." He says standing in front of me. "Soda... he was killed today. I can't hold it in." I say looking up at him teary eyed. "Pony... I don't want to see you like me. I can't. " "what do you want me to do about it?! I can't just sit here and act like the world is just going perfect!" I said not meaning to raise my voice. "I don't expect you to. I don't want to see you doing this." He says. "Well it's not your choice! You're not even here! You're just -" I stood up. I don't know why I was loading my cool on Johnny. Johnny covered himself by covering his face. I felt horrible, I'm scareing Johnny. Even if he's just a dead ghost he's still the same emotionally. "Johnny- I'm sorry... I just lost my temper." I say sitting down. He lowered his hands. I looked down in miserarey, his hands were on my face and he made me look up at him. I only then noticed he looks the same since the last time I was him. He had cuts on his face and dark spots on his neck. "Pony. I just don't want you to end up like me. Dieing too young. Having so much to live for." He rubbing the blood on my wrist. I was shocked it actually moved. "I know... I know..." I say. My blade dropped to the ground right next to a drop of blood off of my finger. "Get some sleep kid. Tomorrow you might not even remember this and still lose all hope" he says before vansishing.

- After bariarul

I woke up totally forgetting what I did the night before last. There was blood stained sheets and it sticked to my wrist "damn." I say. The blood forced my mind to remember just two nights ago. I sat up, and went to get dressed. I glanced at the clock and walked out of my room. I grabbed my bag and left without a word. I walked down the road to school and I saw two bit laying on the ground just laughing histacartily. He held a rock in his hand. "This is like the rocks Dally put in his pockets to kill himself!" He says, I was creeped out by his laughing. It wasn't his laugh I'm used to. Its almost... Crazy. I just walked past him. I didn't want to think about anymore death but that's all that was in my mind today. I saw the school and a tree where Johnny would usally be waiting for me at and we would walk inside. But he's gone.

I heard the bell ring and kids started heading inside. I could tell everyone heard about the shooting that happened but no one knew who got shot and which Soc did it. But no one knows I was there it witness it. I just walked to my classes.

It was fourth period and we finished all our work. I sat at my desk my head balanced on my arm as I flicked my finger in boredom. Then one kid said. "Hey Mrs.Greene can we look up more info about that shooting last night?" He said loudly. I tensed up so hard as I chocked down my sobbs. "Sure Daniel." She says. I wanted to say something and tell her to stop but I couldn't. It was already on the permethaum board. It was a whole actrical on it. She started reading it out loud. "Young man shoot dead near local park." She began. 'Oh no...' I thought. "Young man, Sodapop Curtis was shot to death at point blank range in front of whole gang." I was crying quiteily at this point. "A single gunshot wound to the head killed innocent cashier." "So that is the guy that works at the gas station..." a girl said. I looked up and it was the news interview. It was the same news reporter. "Hi I'm Kathy Reneolds from news 34.5 and I'm here at the scene where the shooting occurred only hours ago. I'm here with the brothers of the victim Ponyboy and Darrel Curtis Correct?" You could see me nod. " "Can you tell us what happened?" You could see my distrot face as I took a deep breath. I heard a few people gasp. "w-well. We were heading to the movies before we ran into some Socs and it seemed like a flash before I heard the gunshot and... I saw m-my brothers body... on t-the... ground." "I'm sorry for your loss." You could see me eye her negativeily. "I'm sure you are." You could see the fury in my eyes after she said that. Then the video ended. "Anit that Ponyboy kid in our class?" The same kid from earlier said. It went quite and All you could hear was my faint sobs. I raised my hand sacrcastitly "Right fucking here." I say. I could feel all eyes on me. Everyone started asking me 'what happened?' 'Why?' And things like that. "Man just leave me the hell alone!" I say standing up and leaving the class room. I sat in the hall. Then Mrs.Greene came out side. I didn't eant to talk to anyone unless they were Darry, Two, or Steve. I rolled my teary eyes. "Ponyboy? You want to see the consult-" "like they care." I interrputted her. "They d-" "like you do? Yeah no body here even knew I existed even you so why the hell would you care now?" I say not careing. I just wanted to go back to Darry. "Ponyboy you cant-" "can't what?" I stood up. "I can't talk to you like that? Huh? What are you gonna do? Give me a whooping? Treat me like I'm 6? What the hell are you gonna do! You can't call my parents cuz they're dead! Maybe you shouldn't be such a self centered bitch and I won't talk to you like that." I say, my sadness formed into sadness. "Ponyboy!" She said, "you can't act like a little shit because your brother got shot!" She says. "You know, that's death number 5 in my life! So if you tell me just to tough it out why do you try being in my shoes for once huh? You knew damn good and well I was in your class so why the hell would your dumbass mind think it would be a good idea to do that?!" I yell. Her voice softened. "Pony I'm really- " "just get the hell out of my way bitch." I say before storming out of school.