The Outsiders: I've Made Mistakes

Chapter Ten

I walked to my room and left Darry and Steve to talk it over. I shut my door and pulled my jacket off with my shirt and my pants and crawled into bed. I closed my eyes trying to drown what happened eariler when I heard Johnny's voice. "Ponyboy?" He said, I opened my eyes. He was standing at the end if my bed. "Johnny? What are you doing here?" I said, sitting up. He walked towards me, standing right next to me. "You doing okay?" He asked.

"I guess. I'm just scared."

"Why?"

"*sigh* Its just Two-bit. I think he's going crazy- he comes to me for help and I can't."

"How do you know?"

"He can see my brother. Not as a ghost but as if he was never shot. He told me, when Soda touches him he can feel it like if he touched my chest it how it feels."

"Thats all?"

"No, when I was going to school today he was on the ground just laughing not at something but it was a crazy laugh. He said something about thebrocks and how it reminded him of Dally. Johnny... I'm scared. I wish you we're still here."

"I know. I want to be able to still live with you but this is as close as we can get."

"I'm just so lost and lonely. My world is just collapsing in front of me and i can't stop it. Johnny what do I do..?" I didn't mean to start crying but I did.

"Hey, hey pony... don't cry. Its just how the world goes round. (He wiped my tears away) You can stop this mess. You just have to figure it out. I'm just saying. Keep Two-bit close in your sights- trust me."

"You don't know how to stop it?"

"I know I'm the reason everything just crumbled. I know I get that but I can help you prevent distaters in the future. I can't stop it. I can't do anything. Only you can."

"Johnny. I miss you all. I miss you, I miss Dal, I'm miss Soda... that's tearing me apart Johnny it's killing me."

He hugged me. Even though I could barely feel it, it helped.

"I know. It kills me to watch you."

He looked me in the eye. "Now sleep. You need it." I shook my head and looked up at him. "No, that's means you'll disappear. I can't do this alone." I plead. "I'll be here in the morning. Don't worry. You see me." He says. I nodded. "Promise?" "Promise." I laid down and fell asleep.

The light shoan through the window that woke me up. I was breathing hard. Another nightmare... only mom and dad weren't in this one. Just me and the gang. Everything was going good, Dally wasn't thief and a bad kid. He was sweet, he didn't drink. He was almost like Soda. Johnny, he didn't get beat by his parents, he never got jumped by the Socs that scarred him for life. He wasn't quiet anymore or as much. He was happy. Two-bit, oh man he was happy go lucky in my dream. He didn't steal, didn't swipe from stores, he was innocent. He still made jokes like he used to but not anything bad you know. Darry, he wasn't so strict on me. He didn't over work himself, he didn't yell nearly ever. We were happy. Everything went how they should've gone from the start. Then all the flash backs from each night. Everything just came crumbling down, they started fading as each flashback played I had no control to stop it. No amount of screaming nor fighting could save me then. it was like real life. everything we thought was good just was ripped away from us.

I shot up in my bed, trying to forget it. But it wouldn't go away. I wanted to see someone, anybody. i just needed a hug. I got out of bed and threw a t-shirt on and some jeans and walked into the kitchen. Darry had left and I saw that Stev did too. Usally he would still be around unles he had somewhere to go. I just walked to the stove and saw a note on the frigde. I grabbed it and read it.

Ponyboy,

Me, Steve, and Two-bit have went to the doctor to see whats wrong with him. Don't know how long it'll take but I'll be back soon.

Darry~

I sighed. I left the note on the counter, I really hope the figure out whats wrong with him. Or maybe they'll be nothing wrong with him and he was just drunk. But if I think about it he didn't smell of alcohol. I shook my head. "Man. Everything's just going great anit it." I groan. I grabbed a piece of paper and write. 'I'll be at the cemetery if youre looking for me. Ponyboy.' I left it unfolded and was heading fo walk out when I heard Johnny's voice. "Hey! Pony!" He says. I looked to my right seeing him in the door way. "Johnny! You're actually here!" I smiled widely. "I promised didn't I?" He says. I smiled softly as I began to walk out the door. "Where Ya goin'? " he said. "The cemetery." I say, looking up at the cloudy sky. I shrugged and started walking. Johnny ran up behind me, "how come?" "I had a nightmare last night. It was weird. It was so... good that it just shattered into a horrible nightmare.. I couldnt save myself from seeing it." I say. "Why do you go to the cemetery?" "Well. I go to y'alls grave to try to talk it over with my self and beat myself numb about the nights and what I could've done. Just I do that often. I've always been alone when I go. I just can't find the strength to cry in front of Darry and Two-bit is loseing his fucking mind and Steve and I don't get along anymore nor did we ever. I've lost all the people I can tell them my feelings." I say, I saw the cemetery sign as we walked. "At least you got some part of me." He says. "Yeah, at least you didn't go mute forever. I can think God for that. Those nights you came really helped me." I say, he smiled smallly. "You know it's funny, I've been a spirit for weeks and I haven't even thought about seeing my own grave." "You havent?" I say, if I was him that's the frist thing I would've done. "Nope." He says. I laugh but not much. I shove my hands into my pockets as I saw the three graves only steps away.