The Outsiders: I've Made Mistakes

Chapter Eleven

"T-this it?" He says. I nod. He walked over to his grave, he knelt down inspecting it. He put his ghostly hand on it, I was knelt Sodas when I looked over at him. He was looking down at the wilting rose Dallas put there. His index finger and thumb rubbed one slowly. "How many times you been here?" He says looking at me with sad noteing eyes. "Not enough." I say. My hand was on Sodas grave on the top. I took short breaths trying to choke down my up coming tears. "Johnny?" "Yeah?" "How come I can see you?" I asked. "Because, I'm technically your garedain-ish but manily it's what happened when you get lonely or extremely sad. So I follow you around." "Can you talk to Soda and Dally? Where are they?" "Yeah I can, we useally talk about you guys. They actually follow Two-bit around everywhere but they anit like me. Two-bit Is going crazy as well and soon he'll see me talking to you." He says. I nodded, if two sees me talking to Johnny would he think I'm going crazy as well? "Do you know what's wrong with Two-bit?" I asked. "No, I don't. I'll find out as soon as you do. I only know what's happens to you and you don't even know I'm there." He says. I leaned on the side of Sodas grave. "I wish I did something to stop this."

"What do you mean?"

"After your death everything started spiraling down into a life changing twister. After you, Dally he committed suicide because in my eyes he lost the only think he cared about. Then that night where Soda was shot, he was standing up for me and you since he was making fun of you, me and Dallas."

"Don't blame yourself."

"But it's my fault!If I were to tell you to run you would be here and so would Dallas and Soda." I was crying at this point. A loud crackle of lightening followed by a roar of thunder was heard as rain began to pour. I didn't move. I just sat there crying. "I'm so sorry. I could've done something to stop everything that has hit us. If I would've told Johnny to run we would've made it to my house and Dally wouldn't have toren himself apart and kill himself because Johnny was dead and Soda wouldn't have gotten shot if I did something. But I didn't. I could've done something to save them but I fucking didnt." I cried, I looked over to Johnny who was fading. "Ponyboy I'll see you tomorrow night. I have to go." He was fading fast. "Johnny please don't leave me!" I cried out to him. But he just was gone. My hand was up reaching for him, "no Johnny..." I cried. I didn't want him to leave me yet. Now it really hits me that he's actually gone. I couldn't run and find him anymore. My hand dropped to the ground. Rain poured harder and the thunder got louder I just didn't want to leave the graves. It felt like this was the only way I could see them. I heard a voice call my name, I know it wasnt Johnny's. I could see Darry coming to me. Thats who called my name. I shook my head. I didn't want to leave not yet. Darry he ran over to me. "Ponyboy! We got to go!" He said over the loud rain. "No! I can't leave yet!" I said back. He got closer to me. "Pony please! Its getting bad out here!" He pleaded to me. I didn't want to leave. I would rather be electrocuted than leave yet. I just shook my head, "please don't make me leave!" I cried. He picked me up as I was crying and pleading for him to leave me there. Soon after we left the cemetery I gave up and just cried. "I know Ponyboy. I didn't want to do that." He said on the vergde of tears.

We walked in the house, I was shivering and crying. Darry handed me a towel to dry myself off with. I drapped the towel over my shoulders and just stared at the ground. Darry sat down next to me, I looked shyly at him. "Find out what's wrong with Two-bit?" I say trying to get my mind off what happened. He sighed and pushed his hair back. "Yeah. Yeah we did. He has Schizoaffective Disorder." Darry said. It sounded familiar but I couldn't think what. "Whats that." "Well, you were right. Two-bit had gone insane." He says, looking back at me. I let it sink in. He is crazy. "What do we do?" I said, "well the doc said that he has to take these certain pills that will try to bring him back to sanity. If not, he's stuck like that." Darry says. "They can't cure it? I thought there was a way?" I say "there is. But do you think our old town can afford it? Let alone us including Twos family? " He says. "Oh."

Thats when Two-bit walked in. He seemed dizzy and sick or tired. I tensed some. I know it's not his falut but I couldn't help myself. He walked past us like we weren't even there. He was mumbling something I couldn't understand but I just watched. He grabbed a few beers and walked into our backyard. I curiously watched Two-bit and what he was doing. Rain was still pouring like all hell but Two just sat out there under a small covering. He opened a beer and threw the cap far. He began to drink heavily with each swig. I noticed he was talking to himself and laughing at only God knows what. I really wondered if alcohol actually makes you think only about the things you're trying to forget or makes you forget things you try to remember. I wanted to forget all the flashbacks I have to those nights, I do. Maybe I should listen to Dally about alcohol Or maybe I'll take it in like Two-bit. I was looking at the the beer then back at the ground. 'You dont want to remember right? Then do it. Tonight.' A voice inside my head told me. 'What if Darry catches you? What would he do?' Another voice told me. My mind battled until night fall before I made my choice. I sat on my bed waiting until I was sure Darry was asleep.