The Outsiders: I've Made Mistakes

Chapter Fourteen

It was either lock myself in my room and make him even more upset than he already is or confront him and pray I don't die. I took a deep breath, "Hey Darry? C-can I talk to you f-for a second?" I was aboulstly terrified to the bone. "Sure." He says, getting up and following me into my bedroom. I closed the door as I looked at him in pure fear. I was shaking. His ice blue eyes we're looking right back at me. I felt like I was gonna break down right then and there. "Darry- p-please don't be mad a-at me." I stuttered. I felt like I was pleading for my life. "Ponyboy" I flinched at his voice even though it was an angery voice. I was about to break. "I'm not mad, just calm down." He says, "I'm sorry..." I say nearly crying. "Baby, I don't know what's going on in your head but I just want to know why you turned to alcohol." He says, trying to calm my nerves. I took in a shaky breath. "I-I just wanted to forget about all the chaos going on and all the- deaths and Johnny-" my voice was breaking from up coming tears. "I'm sorry, I know you don't want me to be involved with alcohol and others stuff but- I couldnt help my self i- I was thinking it was the only way I could forget. I didn't want to have to remember about Soda, Dally, a-and Johnny" I was breaking. I started crying when I said Johnny's name. "And I know you'll probably hate me for even trying alcohol and ground me for days on days and I know I've messed up! I know! I know I hit Two-bit but I wouldn't have if I wasn't drunk which is all my fault." I say in between sobs. "Please don't hurt me! I know deep down you want to hit me over the head with a beer bottle and yell at me and tell how stupid I was for ever trying alcohol! You probably want to maybe even lock me in my room for years because of this!" I sobbed loudly, I really don't know why I was saying half the things I did, "Ponyboy, I don't want to do any of the things you just said. Please calm down baby." He said in a soft voice that tamed my wild emotions. He hugged me and held me close. I held him back, I was just so shook in up that I didn't know what I was gonna do. "Its okay little colt. I know what you we're trying to do. It just happens that Two-bit made you mad and you couldn't control your actions. Just don't do it again." He says. He walked me over to the bed and we both sat down. When I finally calmed down enough Darry said "Ponyboy, be honest with me." I nodded but only in fear. "Can you actually see Johnny?" He asked. "Yeah, mainly everything Two-bit said about me and Johnny is true. I did take Johnny to the cemtery to see his own grave I do talk to him. I do." I say looking away from his gaze. "I'm not going crazy. I can just see him and speak to him. He looks like a ghost. Trust me dar." I say. He hugged me again, "you should probably tell Two-bit you're sorry." Darry says, letting me go. I smiled and chuckeld as I wiped my remaining tears away. I opened my door and went out to where Two-bit was sitting and Steve on the couch beside him. I walked swiftly over to Two-bit. "Hey Two. I'm sorry for what I did while I was drunk." I say, "Shit kid I probably deserved it." He says smiling at me. I grinned back. "Just got to make a mental note real quick. Don't piss off Ponyboy while he's drunk. Don't piss him off in gernal." He says, I laughed as I sat down watching Micky along with him. I was glad he didn't hold a gurge on me.

-one week later-

Yes, I will admit I haven't stopped drinking. I've been going on the roof to do all my drinking where I would either, remember all bad times, or remember all good things, or become very violent. I guess it's just the luck of the draw when it comes to drinking. Thats why I haven't stopped. Me and Two-bit have put the accident in the past and have moved on which is a good thing. He makes sure he's taking his pills to keep him in his right mind. Everything was slowly falling back into place kinda. I know it'll never be the same without Johnny, Dally, and Soda. It'll always hurt to think about them.

The sun was setting and I was on the roof again, drinking again. Not as much as I usealy do but I still was. I was watching the sun melt into a bright line that changed the once blue sky's to lilac with swrils of orange and pink clouds. It reminded me so much of Johnny, he used to sit up here with me and watch it with me. He was the only one who understood the sunsets like I did. He was the only one who could really understand why I liked the things I liked. He was the only one who understood me. I hated that he was gone. It killed me inside. Once the once beautiful sunset had turned into a black night sky I went back inside and headed to my room. I was so tired and I haven't done anything. I pulled my shirt off along with my jeans and put on a pj shirt it was a baseball looking shirt with red sleeves ya know. I climbed in bed and fell asleep.