The Outsiders: I've Made Mistakes

Chapter Sixteen

I was taken out of my thoughts when we all heard a loud bang, not a gunshot but it was loud. It came from the back of the house where Two-bit had walked towards. Darry and Steve just stood there and I ran to the noise. I looked down the hall and saw a light from underneath the bathroom door. I ran up my hand on the knob. "Two-bit you okay?" I say. No respone. "Keith!" I say, still no answer. I grabbed the bathroom key that we kept in the hall closet and opened the door. Everything seemed to go in slow mostion. I wanted to scream do loud. I saw Two-bit laying on the ground blood dripping out of his mouth and pills next to him but the bottle was turned on the side and was only a foot away from me. "No no!" I yelled. Darry and Steve appeared at my side. I saw a piece of paper on the counter, Steve ran to Two-bit checking for a heart beat or pulse. With his fingers on his neck Steve looked down and shook his head. Then I knew...

Two-bit Mathews was gone.

I cried out, I didn't want to lose another person. Not Two-bit. I grabbed the note slowly as I cried my eyes out. I opened it, once I was writing I knew it was a suicide note. I didn't want to believe I had lost another friend. I began to read,

To basicly my friends and loved ones.
I know I'm a danger to everyone and anyone. I didn't do this because Darrel told me that I was and I was getting out of hand. I already knew that. What made me do this was my actions. If you dont know what I mean, I mean hurt people, especially Ponyboy. I almost killed him twice. that's way too many times.

Someone had to do something.

I can't live like this, not like this. I took matters into my own hands. I die know i will never hurt anyone again.
I'm sorry...
Its my only choice now.

Keith (Two-bit) Mathews~

I was the reason he killed himself. I was the one who drove him to suicide. I shook my head in disbelief. He can't be gone, this was all just a dream and I would wake up and Two-bit would still be here. "Ponyboy what's that?" Darrys voice sound weak and broken, I couldn't say anything and just handed it to him. He read it aloud for Steve to hear, I could hear the heartbreak in his voice. Darry handed back as I went to go call the police while still distort. I picked up the phone, I dailed the number and waited.

"911, Whats your emergency? "
"My friend, he just killed himself we need someone anyone!" I cried.
"Your friends whats his name?"
"Keith, Keith Mathews. "
"Can I have your name sir?"
"Ponyboy Curtis" I gave them my address along with my name.
"Well Ponyboy, we have officials on their way. I'm so sorry about your friend."
"Thank you."

I hung up, my voice was shaky and I was crying the whole time. 'Why the hell is this happening..? Why is everything just going all down hill so fast.' I thought as I sat on the coffee table. Everything is just falling apart. My whole life and everyone I know is just being tared apart right in front of me and I could do aboustly nothing to stop it. I couldn't control my emotions anymore, I was a total mess. I then saw police and paramedics come inside. "In the back he's in the bathroom." I say, holding my knees on my chest. They nodded and rushed to the bathroom. Paramedics had the stretcher with Two-bits body on it. Then another man walked in. I looked up, it was Kenda. I thought he only did homicide cases. He didn't reconzie me thought. He sat in front of me as I set my legs down. Before he said anything we made eye contact and that's when he reconzied me. I could tell he was thinking either 'poor kid' or ' this kid again' or something along the lines of that. "Ponyboy, tell me what happened." He says, I told him about his mental state and when he tried to slit my throat with a broken bottle and when he tried to suffocate me with his hands and how that was only yesterday. I also mentioned the fight Darry and him had. Even thought that had nothing to do with it I had to say it. I handed him the note Two-bit left as his last words. He held it and was reading. I tried my hardest not to cry anymore but I just couldn't. I felt Darrys hand on my shoulder as Kenda handed the note back. "Thank you that's all I need. I'm awefuly sorry kid." He says. I nodded and he left.

"This can't be happening." I say, running my fingers through my hair. They didnt say nothing. "Darry, what are we gonna do..." I say. "I- I don't know. I don't know." He admits. My lip quivered, I got up and went into my room. I walked to the wall where I had An image of Johnny from the crime scene I asked for, Dallys suicide note, the shell caseing that was used to kill my brother that the police let me have after the caught who done it, and now... Two-bit suicide note. I still don't want to believe they're all gone. But I can't escape reality anymore. Once I put Two's note up there I fell to my knees and began sobbing hard. I thought the worst had past, I thought it was over....

My life has epruptered into an aboulste living hell. My once good going life has collapsed right in front of me. Someone is toying with my fucking life and I don't know how much I can take. So much has been poured on to me, into my mind, its making me become a person I don't know anymore.

I never drank.
But that's all I do now.

I never cut before.
But that's how I spend my sleepless nights.

I didn't cry.
But now, I can't stop.

I always had someone to go to.
Now I have no one but my own shadow.

I did good in school.
Now I feel like I dropped out.

I never got to see much.
Now I see too much...

I can't do nothing, I've lost too many people. I've nearly lost everyone I trusted. I'm so alone. I'm so destroyed. I stood up wiping my eyes trying to stop the tears. I'm just tired of losing people, this doesn't just happen to anyone. What the hell did I do to get this much bad luck. I let out a loud rage filled growl as I put my fist through the wall. I couldn't feel any pain from it, I just stood there crying and sobbing then I took my hand out of the wall.

I wanted a way out of this hell.

I need a way out...

I just can't find one...

I'm trapped, trapped in a endless decline of depression, death, and alcohol...

Someone save me already...