The Outsiders: I've Made Mistakes

Chapter Tweleve

It was one am before I got up. I carefully opened the door so no one would hear me. I tip toed to the kitchen my eyes adjusted to the darkness do I could barely see. I felt around for the table and I found it. I moved my hands till I felt a cool glass on my palm, I grabbed three and walked to the front door and sat on the front porch steps. The street light was all I had to see. I popped open a bottle, I took a deep breath knowing what I was doing just to forget. I placed my lips on the bottle and turned it up letting the strong liquid fall into my mouth. I turned it down, my reaction wasn't what I thought. It was like I was almost numb to it. I wanted to see Two-bit right now, I wanted to show him he'd not the only one suffering. I got up grabbing both bottles and I was set out to find Two-bit. I took a big swig as I walked down the road. My mind wondered to thinking about what could happen to Two-bit. He could kill someone on accident thinking they were the Socs that shot Soda or something like that. Hell he could stab me with a broken bottle when I show up. I didn't care. I saw a familiar car maybe the socs but I was drinking my Beer to see. They slowed down but they didn't reconzie me. They wouldn't have. I don't drink and too short to be Two or Steve so I can count myself lucky tonight. "Man where is that Micky loving fool?" I say, then I see him. "Hey Two!" I say, he looks at me. "Ponyboy?" He says in shock. "Yeah!" I say coming up to him. "What are you doing here and so late?" He says. "Looking for you." I say, walking next to him and sitting on the crub. He looks at me confusedly. "When did you start drinking?" He asked. "Oh, Just tonight. I just really needed to find you." I say. He looked at me, confusion on his face. "What do you mean?" "Well, I just wanted you to know you're not the only one seeing thing, nor are you the only one suffering." I took a drink, He just looked at me. He looked at me like I was the one who went nuts. "Are you seeing things?" he asked, I only now realized he had a real serious look that just wasn't him. If you knew Two-bit as well as we do, you would understand why this look just didn't fit in place of his personality. If I'm being honest, I rather have that broken bottle to my throat than see him like this.

I nodded, He looked shocked. "What do you see?" He asked, The alcohol only seemed to make that question worse than it should've been. "I see the ghost of Johnny. unlike you how you can see them like they never died. I see Johnny and I know he's still dead because everytime he touches me it feels like a ghost touching me plus he's see through." As I spoke I only thought about him, when he frist saw his own grave and even though he's a spirit I could see the heartbreak in his eyes and the reailty he felt. I thought about the way he looked when I first saw him he looked exactly like when I knew he was dead that life changing night, the was he looked beat to death and the bruises around his neck. Boy I sure do miss my shy best friend. I sat there looking at the gound slowly swriling my beer in the bottle. I fought back tears from Two-bit. I didn't know how he would react, "You're lucky. I have two of 'em. Both Dally and Soda. I have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that they're dead." He says. "have you been to the cemetry with them yet?" I asked. I guess alcohol treats me like it did Dally. But for some odd reason, it makes me strangely happy to remeber what happened. He looked at me, "what?" he said, "Have you taken them to see their own graves?" I said, "no. You Have?" He said, i nodded. "Its so heartbreaking when I could see the devastion in Johnnys eyes." I say drinking my beer. "Anyway, what are you doing out here anyway?" I asked. "I don't know how much more I can take of this Pony. I really don't know. I'm gonna end up stabbing one of you guys or hurt one of you guys real bad." He says. I just sat there, not knowing what to say. I pulled off my jacket and wrapped it around my waist. I wasn't even thinking anymore. I saw Two bit looking at my arms. "What the hell?" He says, I shove my fore arms down in my lap. "Uh- what? Nothing!" I say. "No what was that?" He says, I could see he was about to break free from the meds. "Nothing!" I say. He grabbed my arm forcefully twisting it so he could see the rich scars that splattered over my forearms. "Are you cutting yourself?!" He said, I could tell his mind was in a battle right now. "You werent supposed to see " I whisper. "Um- i- no" I lied blankly. He shoved my arm and stood up his face in disgust. "Why! I trusted you! Then you go on and start slicing your own damn wrist!" He yelled at me. I was so confused. Why on earth would he act like that over this? I imagined Darry acting like this but not Two. "Why are you making a big deal about this?" I say, standing up as well. "Man you have no reason do just hurt yourself for attention!" He yelled. I almost blew up when he said that. "I have no reason?!" I yelled. "I had to deal with five, not one not two not three but five deaths! You have no idea what pain is inside me. And like I want attention, I don't cut myself because I was attention asshole! I do it because I don't know what else to do with my sadness!" I yelled in pure rage. I was so enraged by him. He grabbed the empty bottle and bashed it on the ground making the glass bottle have sharp points. "Man you didn't have to watch someone be killed right in front of you!" He yelled butting the glass on his wrist. Has he forgot about Johnny and soda I had to witness? Before I could speak he yelled "Maybe I should be just like you! A little suicidal bitch who thinks he knows everything!" He slot his wrist. "Hey did you forget about me having to hear Johnny scream for his life and choke for air since he was being soffcated?! Or being the first to find Dally's suicide note?! Or having to see your own brother be shot right in front of you eyes?!" I screamed. I was just in a rage. I was on the verge of tears now. His wrist had blood dripping from it. He looked at his wrist "hey look we're twins now! I'm cutting my self because Im a little piece of shit!" He laughed. He sounded like a Soc. "Fuck you Two-bit!" I yelled. I grabbed one bottle as I was about to storm off. "At least I kept my sanity! " I yelled, turning my back to storm off. "At least I tried to save Johnny!" He yelled.