Symphonian Curse 8: Serpent's Kiss

Chapter Eleven- Deborah's Condition

Chapter Eleven

Deborah's Condition

HE SIGNED the deal with the Diamond Inc. Okay iyon para sa kompanya pero hindi para sa kanya. Gano'n pa man, kailangan niyang gawin. Unti-unti na rin niyang ikino-kondisyon ang sarili na balang araw ay mag-s-step down siya to give way for his twin-sister. Speaking of her, after signing the deal, hindi na niya ito muling nakita. Puro representative ng kompanya nito ang nakikita niya. Tinotoo nito ang sinabing hindi ito makikialam sa kanilang magkakapatid.

As much as he would like her to never intrude in their lives, he would be pleased if she at least tried. Pero dahil hindi naman nito sinubukang puntahan sila, ibig sabihin ay wala talaga itong interes na balikan sila. Ang negosyo lang ang gusto nito. Iyon ang labis na nagpapasakit ng kanyang kalooban.

After few weeks of keeping everything to himself, he decided to find somebody he can talk to without fearing of prejudice. Pinuntahan niya si Debbie sa university na pinagtuturuan nito. Hinintay niyang matapos ang klase nito bago pumasok sa classroom. Hindi naman ito nagulat nang makita siya.

"What's the matter? Ready ka ng marinig ang lecture ko about Spanish Inquisition?" natatawa nitong tanong sa kanya.

"You really love to teach History."

"It is my first love."

"How about your second love?"

"He must be very strong and courageous to let me forget my first love," sagot nito.

Paano ko tatalunin ang History? Ayaw isipin ni Eli na ang makakatapat niya sa puso ni Debbie ay ang mismong passion nito sa pagtuturo at pag-aaral. Mahirap 'yong kalaban.

"Are you free?" tanong niya.

"May problema ka ba?" usisa nito.

"Gusto ko ng kausap."

Walang pagdadalawang-isip na pumayag si Debbie na sumama sa kanya. Instead of going somewhere public, inimbitahan siya nito sa bahay nito, which turned out to be Bubbe Dinah and Rachel's home. As he entered the house, memories flooded his mind. Walang halos pinagbago ang bahay. Agad siyang nakaramdam ng nostalgia nang makita ang graduation pic ni Rachel katabi ng wedding picture nila. Naka-display iyon wall ng bahay.

"Masasabi kong hindi talaga kita na-miss. Araw-araw ko ba namang nakikita ang mukha mo, paano kita mami-miss?" sabi ni Debbie habang naghahanda ng meryenda sa kusina.

"I miss you, though. Kahit na nga ba hindi naman tayo masyadong nag-uusap noon."

"Wala naman tayong pwedeng pag-usapan noon."

Pinuntahan niya ito sa kusina. "May kapalit ba ang pakikipag-usap ko sa'yo ngayon?" tanong niya. Debbie smiled wickedly. Bigla siyang kinabahan.

"Yeah. After mong magsabi sa akin ng problema, kailangan mong pakinggang ang lecture ko tungkol sa Spanish Inquisition," anito. Napangiwi siya. "Also, may naihanda na rin akong ibang topics na pwede nating pag-usapan."

"Like?" gimbal niyang tanong.

"Ancient civilizations, Middle Ages, Renaissance, there's a lot to choose from," sabi nito habang naglalagay ng tsa-a sa mga teacups. Nakahinga siya nang maluwag sa narinig. "Pero magandang topic 'yong tungkol sa Crusades."

"Holy Wars," aniya.

"Yes although for me those weren't really that holy. Anyway, let's have tea first before you tell me your purpose. 'Can't wait for my lecture, though," she said and grinned. Natawa tuloy siya. Hindi niya masyadong nakita ang ugaling ito ni Debbie noon pero meron nga talagang malalim na dahilan kaya magkasundo ito at si Rachel. Kakaiba ang humor ng mga ito.

Debbie was all ears when he told her about his anger and disappointment to his twin-sister and what he felt when she left him to raise six siblings that majority were kids. Hindi niya naiwasang maging emosyonal pero 'di naman siya umiyak. Nahihiya siyang umiyak sa harap ni Debbie. Hindi siya nito in-interupt habang nagku-kwento siya. Hinayaan lang siya nitong magsabi ng mga hinanakit.

"Tell me, am I wrong to feel like this towards her?" naitanong niya.

"What you feel is natural for a person who was betrayed. I would like to ask you, though. Hanggang kailan ka mabubuhay nang ganyan?"

"I can't just forgive her like that."

"Then don't."

"What?" nagulat siya sa sinabi nito.

"May karapatan kang magalit at magdamdam sa kakambal mo kasi hindi naman talaga maganda ang ginawa niya," sabi nito saka siya tinitigan. "Pero masaya ka ba?" tanong ni Debbie. Hindi siya nakaimik. "To spend your life hating others is meaningless. It won't take you further. Mahirap mabuhay nang ganoon."

"Ano ang gagawin ko? Tanggapin siya ulit? Hindi 'yon madali, Deborah," nahihirapan niyang sabi.

"You're right. Hindi nga iyon madali kaya naman, take your time. Kung magpapatawad ka man, kailangan 'yong bukal sa kalooban mo. After all, it took twenty years before Esau and Jacob reconciled. They took their time well."

Ilang sandali siyang tahimik. "I... I miss her," bulong niya.

"I am not surprise."

"I long to be with her pero pakiramdam ko hindi ko na siya kilala. Nawala na si–" huminga siya nang malalim. "Nawala na ang kapatid na minahal ko. Bakit niya kami iniwan gayong pamilya niya kami?"

"My father left my mother when he discovered that she was pregnant," sabi nito. He was stunned. "Hindi niya inako ang responsibilidad niya sa akin kahit pamilya niya rin ako and he chose to stay with his legal family. My mother died while giving birth so they had to slit her belly to save me. I was handed to my grandmother who later on died when I was still three years old. Bubbe and Rachel became my family and I spent most of my time with them.

As for my father, I know where he is right now. I see him once in a while from a distance. I saw that he is happy with his family. Yes, I'm a bastard but am I angry with him? I should but I chose not to. Why? If science would explain it, the sperm cell that fertilized my mom's egg cell came from him. So, even if I deny it, my DNA would remind me that I am a part of him. It took me years to accept that I will never be the legal. I can not change my past but I have the choice to mold my future and I chose to live without hatred. I chose it not for them but for myself," mahaba nitong paliwanag.

"Hindi ka na ba nasasaktan sa mga nangyari?"

"Tapos na ako sa yugtong iyan pero hindi ko masasabi na wala talagang naging epekto ang mga iyon. Your sister's action left you with hate. What my father did left me with fears."

"What fears?"

"Fear to conceive. Fear to fall in love with the wrong man."

"There will always be a right man," giit niya. Ako Debbie. I am faithful. I will never left you for any woman. I will build a family with you.

"Sino?" tanong nito saka tiningnan siya. "Ikaw?" Hindi siya agad nakasagot. "Eli, kapag lumagpas tayo sa pagkakaibigan, baka hindi ko maibigay sa'yo ang gusto mo o baka meron akong hingiin na 'di mo maibibigay at mas piliin mong layuan ako kesa patuloy na mahalin."

Naguluhan siya sa sinabi nito pero bigla niyang naalala ang mga pagkakataong nilalayuan si Debbie ng mga lalaki. Naging dare pa noon ni Rachel sa kanya na alamin ang dahilan no'n.

"Deborah, ano ang hinihingi mong kondisyon sa mga lalaking nagkakagusto sa'yo?" sa wakas ay naitanong din niya. After three years!

"Alam mo pala ang tungkol sa bagay na 'yan."

"Rachel told me once."

Debbie sighed. "I don't want to commit for marriage but given a chance to find a biologically fine man, I would like to bear his child."

"W-what?" napatanga siya.

"My only condition from a man is to carry his child but never commit to love him nor marry him. All I want is a child, Eli," seryosong sabi nito. "Now, do you want to love somebody who only wants your genes but will never love you back?" she dared.

That left him speechless.