49. Silence

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A/N: This 'poem' is such a mess but look at that little cutie.

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I'm tired of pity eyes

Directed at the one who talks to nobody

Because you think there's something wrong with me

Due to the way I stutter when approached

My voice shakes when a question's answer speaks

As if yes or no equals chemical equation complexity

But I'm prone to imbalance

Silence is comforting

When I don't have to say things I don't mean

I fall into old habits

Habits born on playgrounds when I knew the meaning of hate

But I called it friendship anyways

To save from losing the company they all said I needed

They all taught me how to pick apart my reflection

Until I couldn't meet my own eyes anymore

I wanted to apologize to the floor for ever touching it

With the joke I called my body

They used to find it funny

I hated how they laughed at me

So I fell into my silence and hid behind broken glasses

Broken glasses, I said I tripped

They pushed me but nobody needed to know

I needed "friends" to give me hollow company

So they wouldn't break me as badly

Break my silence, they never tried to

Nothing is more fun than someone who doesn't fight back

I knew them most of my life

Seven years before I said I love you

Yet I felt rejection in the blood trickling down my spine

From precise stabs that would turn to scabs on my back

I didn't speak

But I could hear them clearly

I hear them clearly still echoing what they made me to be

Insults were endearing if it got enough laughs

It didn't matter if there was never love in their words

My words were never heard anyways

Silence felt better than the slap on wounded backs

With a sharp tongued ridicule

So don't think I need your pity

Because this quiet is my comfort and it stayed with me the longest

Don't make a mission out of me

To make me speak

I have nothing to say to you

To someone who doesn't understand

I don't need saving

From the playground I left years ago

Old memories burn but they don't bleed

So let me sit in silence please

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