you are my biggest regret
not for what we did
but for the "what if"s
i've been drowning in this nostalgic contemplation of
everything i lost to uncertainty
for too long, lingering between
i wish you had kissed me
and at least we're happy
but what if we had been happy . . .
together?
lack of passion leads to insensitivity
but you've always made poetry spill out of me
like my tongue only knows your name in stanzas
like my heart only knows you in distance,
from a far, where there is the safety of lines too wide to cross too quickly
to keep us in a lack-of-label bliss
wherein i love you differently
from my mask of indifference i wore towards your advances
it's beyond my ability to describe
the ease at which we stayed
behind closed doors
when judgment could not force us into roles we weren't sure we wanted to play
just know i loved it, reciprocation hid so well in my voice
peeking its head out when i'd allude to it
before returning to its position of retreat
i remember you calling me baby
and i always thought it sounded of the songs you'd play on bass
you're the only exception to my dislike of "sweetie"
as it gives into my wanting even if it's fleeting
i remember your hand enveloping mine
that same night you said you would have kissed me
what if you had and we had not sought after hearts that would scar ours
with little regard for the love we handed out too freely
what if our downfall had not existed and we could have existed in harmony
content to listening to music on stairs in a place so removed from the stars
what if, what if,
what if i still love you in a way i never should
because we're always in the wrong place at the wrong time
we lost our chance for me to be yours and you to be mine
but i have a confession for you
i still love you but as always there's nothing we can do.
