mark the year as an end to an era,
of the first time i loved.
the first person i loved, i never
kissed, i never gave my body to,
i never confessed. instead i spoke
in soft touches, feather-like fingertips
too timid for confidence and dancing on
borderlines where my lies survived and
where my love thrived. i dreamt of sweet lips
that brought me heaven through abandoning
religion. i swallowed screams and swapped them for supporting smiling when
i wanted ecstasy.
i cleansed myself of them, i've tore my words
to shreds of paper so that only i
know the full story and i'll let the lies i
gave become the world's truth. let them think
i grew tired, i grew selfish, i grew out of
my love for them but don't let the
thought of me growing to fall in love
with someone i should not ever entertain them. keep the nights of almosts in the
corners of my bedroom and keep
what i should have said locked behind
my lips. i hold my tongue in confession
so that i may bathe in holy water and
suppression as if i could ever wash
those fingerprints from my skin. the
taste of wine is not bitter enough to
replace their name in my mouth.
blasphemy! the very essence of my
yearning and oh, they brought me to
my knees more than praying ever did. the name i moaned pitifully in desperation,
all i wanted was a sign that something
was there and when i found nothing
i stopped calling, falling for silence is
too simple...
i lost my faith in you, in
turn myself. but i will burn in
hell before i hate you.
