𝐴𝑆𝑇𝐸𝑅𝐼𝑆𝑀; bts os

pjm : i need you

summary: in which they need each other to survive.

genre: angst

word count: + 1.45k

this is part 3 of the 'i need u' series.

—

he set the tiny piece of paper on fire, watching as it crumpled down, turned black. he let it drop off to the side, watching as it fell on the cold ground, the flame disapperaring. he leant back, feeling the freezing stone the bathtub was made of at his back. letting out an emotionless sigh, he sat his gaze wander around the dark bathroom, the only light emerging from the window, painting the walls in a warm orange. "sunset. another day ends. another day without (y/n).", letting out a bitter laugh, jimin leant forward, towards the faucet, opening it. he felt the cold water splash into the tub, creating a shiver on his skin. soon, the tub was filled halfway, his pants and shirt were already soaked, but he couldn't care less.

— (flashback)

"may i introduce, that's (n/n) (y/n)!", an overly excited taehyung said, his arm laid over a girl's shoulder. she was really beautiful, catching his eye at first sight. the way her (h/c) hair fell over her back, her (e/c) eyes scanning her surrounds, when she leant closer to taehyung, the only one she knew this time. "she's the manager's daughter and she agreed to help us with making our music video!"

the girl bowed down and said in a soft voice: "it's a pleasure to meet you guys, i hope we work well together!" they all nodded and soon, her nervousness was gone as she started to talk to each of them, trying to get to know them better. she was coming closer to him, and his mind was racing. "what should i do? act all bubbly and nice? or cool?", he thought. too soon, (y/n) walked over to him, a cute and warm smile on her lips. "hey, you must be jimin, right? nice to meet you!", he said, bowing down. "uh, well, yeah.", he said in a colder tone, not knowing what do to else. "excuse me now, i have important things to do.", he said, making up an excuse to free himself out of the awkward situation he was in now.

— (y/n)'s p.o.v.

"excuse me now, i have important things to do.", jimin said, his voice cold and emotionless. i couldn't help but feel rejected. as i didn't want him to see my expression by now, i mumbled an 'okay' and walked back towards jungkook, who looked at me with a confused face. "didn't you want to talk to jimin about our newest dance?" "seems like he doesn't want to talk to me, that's fine.", i forced a smile and concentrated on taking notes for the upcoming photo shoots.

"you're not okay with that, (y/n).", jungkook said, his voice stern. "h-how would you know?" "well, you look sad.", kookie said, throwing a glare at jimin who just entered the room again. i hugged my knees and continued to watch hoseok and taehyung dance weirdly, avoiding jungkook's gaze. "i-it's okay, really, it is."

but it wasn't. whenever i tried to approach jimin, talk to him, he'd go away, telling me to leave and things like that. soon enough, i gave up on talking to him, still not knowing what i could have possibly done wrong. whenever there was something needed to talk about, i'd always find a way to avoid talking to him. i had enough of this. eventually, i became closer to the other guys, hanging around with them. especially jungkook and taehyung were the ones to build me up when i was upset. or our weird and crazy hoseok. i realized that i indeed felt special about jimin, but that was silly, wasn't it? why falling in love with someone who will reject you nonetheless?

time passed and i felt more and more anxious, whenever i saw jimin, my heart would beat faster, my cheeks would heat up and i would stutter. not wanting to hear hoseok and taehyung giggle about my behavior anymore, i decided to confess to jimin with a letter. i knew that he'd reject me, but i'd feel better having this weight off my shoulders.

holding the piece of paper my feelings were written onto, i walked towards jimin, taking every piece of pride and confidence inside me together. "hello, jimin." "what do you want." "please accept my feelings!", i said and handed him the letter while bowing down. he snatched the paper out of my hands and said: "yeah, whatever. now, go." as i knew, rejection. even if it had been predictable, it hurt, more than i could have imagined. biting my quivering lip, i nodded. "i'll leave, no problem. my apologies for bothering these past months."

i turned on my heels and stormed downstairs, past jungkook and namjoon whose laughter died down when they saw me running towards the door. i forced it open, storming outside, ignoring the pouring rain that mixed together with the hot tears rolling down my cheeks. i heard somebody yelling my name and when i turned around, i saw jungkook standing there, the rain soaking him to the utmost. "what happened?" i closed my eyes and leant my head back, letting the cold raindrops drop on my face, as i let out a sob. all of a sudden, i felt myself in a hug from kookie, who held me close. "did you confess to jimin?" i nodded, sobs taking over me as i clenched my fists.

"i knew it. namjoon is talking to him now. i'm so sorry for you. i honestly don't know what's wrong with him lately, thought he liked you too.." jungkook cradled me in his arms in an attempt to calm me down. "k-kookie, i...i think it is better if i stay away for a bit..", i hiccuped, not caring what his reaction would be like. "but (y/n), we would all miss you!", he protested. "i know, and i'll miss you guys a lot, but i need some space to calm down, to get over this. thatdoesn't mean we can't keep in contact.", i smiled up at him, the one who turned out to be the best friend i could ever have.

"and, kookie, thank you. for everything. for building me up, defending me, holding me here. you really are a great friend.", i mumbled and pulled away, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. when i walked away, i turned around one last time, waving at jungkook, who waved back, smiling.

— jungkook's p.o.v.

after (y/n) left, i stormed back into the house, upstairs, anger taking over my usually calm self. how could he?! how dare he to hurt her like this?! i couldn't understand why (y/n) still tried to talk to him, even confess to him, even if he rejected her over and over again. seeing her so broken, yet so strong when she forced herself to smile made me fall in love with her even more. yes, i was madly in love with (y/n). but knowing that she already fell for jimin, i decided to take over the part as the male best friend. being friends is better than nothing.

arriving at the room jimin and i shared, i slammed the door open, storming towards jimin. "how. dare. you.", i spat, pulling him up by his collar, ready to punch him in his goddamn face. "do you know how much you hurt her?! let me tell you something, i'm in love with (y/n). but she only had eyes for you, and i let her be. that was a mistake. now she's gone and i don't know if she'll ever get over you! instead of admitting that you maybe like her, no, you have to act all like a bad boy. i won't ever forgive you!", i screamed at him, my voice full of anger and hate towards the older.

all of a sudden, someone pulled me back, saying: "it's enough. i'm sure jimin knows well enough that he made a mistake.", namjoon said, making me scoff. "as if." i pushed him away and walked outside of the room, but not without stopping at the stairway and saying with a loud voice: "if i lose (y/n), i'll blame you, park jimin."

— (flashback end)

the water was cold, burning his skin, making him feel numb. it has been one month since what happened. jungkook wasn't talking to him, even left the room whenever he walked in, his eyes showing nothing but hatred towards him. and he sure knew it was his fault. feeling warm wetness on his cheeks, jimin realized that he was indeed crying. "if only i would have accepted my feelings for her. i thought it was not manly to blush, stutter, everything. maybe (y/n) is better with jungkook, he would never hurt her."

jimin had never felt so hopeless in his whole life before. slowly, he let himself ease into the cold water until only his head could be seen. "as if someone would actually miss me.", he mumbled, his voice full of regret.

he went even further, sinking deeper into the water, ready to drown.

the last thing he heard before a black, warm coat of unconciousness was draped over him, was a scream. then, nothing.

—

edited; 2017/10/19.

"it has made me better loving you ... it has made me wiser, and easier, and brighter."
— henry james; the portrait of a lady