𝐴𝑆𝑇𝐸𝑅𝐼𝑆𝑀; bts os

jhs : i need you

summary: in which it falls apart without her.

genre: angst

word count: + 1.4k

this is part 5 of the 'i need u' series.

—

our laughter echoed through the empty hallway, creating a slightly creepy atmosphere. (y/n) bursted into fits of giggles after i showed her a part of my newest dance, holding her stomach while gasping: "oh my goodness, hobi, this is perfect!" i grinned happily and sat down next to her, watching her figure. she was so beautiful, with her silky, (h/c) locks cascading down her back, (e/c) eyes closed, her angelic laughter filling the room.

after some time, her laughter died down and she turned to face me, eyebrows raised. "why are you staring at me like this?", she asked, still a bit breathless from laughing for so long. "uh, i don't know.", i yelled, got up and started to dance weirdly, hoping to hear (y/n)'s gorgeous laughter again. in an instant, she got up too, eyed me curiously and tried to copy my dance moves. after some attempts, she gave up, pouting. "i give up, i'll never be as good as you."

i stopped dancing. "don't be upset, you're better in other things than dancing. for example, you know way more languages than i do, and your english is the best." (y/n) looked up at me, blushing slightly, her lips in a cute pout. "really?" "yeah, really. but i'm your hopeu!" "hey, that was wrong!", she laughed, chasing after me until the doorbell rang, announcing that my parents were back from their grocery shopping. immediately, my mother rushed towards (y/n), giving her a warm hug. "(y/n), how are you?"

(y/n) flashed a smile and started talking with my mother about random things i didn't care about. yet it made me happy to see her like this, smiling and joking around. i soon realized that i was indeed falling in love with my best friend. but that should be my scret, i didn't want to destroy the close bond we both had.

— (y/n)'s p.o.v.

when i left my best friend's place, i turned around once again, waved at him and his mother while yelling "see ya!" it had gotten dark already, only the small bulbs of the street lamps alightened my way home, and i was glad about it. letting my mind wander off, i thought about the wonderful day i had with hoseok. not only his funny faces and lame jokes made me smile, but also his ebony hair, his dark eyes, always sparkling and his happy grin made their way into my mind. sure, i liked him a lot, at first, i thought it was only in a friendly way.

but some time ago, my heart(eu) started to beat faster whenever he hugged me, flashed me a smile or did stupid things in an attempt to make me laugh. was i in love with hoseok? what was love even? that feeling in my stomach? blushing, stuttering, a heart beating faster than usual. it really made me wonder about love.

burying my hands in the pockets of my jacket, i walked over the street after checking for any cars to come. all of a sudden, a lot screech echoed in my ears, and when i turned my head, a blinding light dashed towards me. then everything went black as pain hit me, shooting through my whole body, so intense that i thought i'd die right here and then.

—

the monotone beeping rang in my ears, and i forced them open, only to close them right away after staring into bright whiteness. as soon as i moved a bit, pain shot through my chest, my head, every part of my body and i couldn't help but let out a quiet whimper. the next thing i head was someone's gasp, a chair been pushed behind and cool hands caressing my face. "(y/n), can you hear me? are you alright - wait, no, you're not."

it was a voice that sounded so familiar to me, but laced with panic, worry, wavering. soon enough, i felt hot droplets trickle on my cheek, this somebody was crying. "oh god, i'm staining your face.", this someone said and wiped the tears away. i knew who it was, of course i knew. how could i forget my best friend, and also love? forcing my eyes open yet again, i looked at hoseok who sat on the chair, slumped down, face buried in his hands. his shoulders were shaking and i could hear very quiet sobs emerging from his throat.

slowly, i turned my head to the side, ignoring the pain taking over my body. "h-hobi?", i whispered, my voice sounding hoarse and dried out. immediately, his eyes, puffy and red, darted towards my figure. he let out a sob and reached out, his fingers tracing my skin slightly, carefully. "oh god, you're awake. how do you feel?" forcing a smile, i stared right into his dark eyes. "g-good.."

"you have been gone for two weeks, i thought it's over. all i wanted was for you to wake up as soon as possible," hoseok blurted out. "now i'm awake.", i whispered, and reached out for his hand. he intertlaced his fingers with mine, squeezing my hand gently. yet again, pain shot through my chest, it was as if my heart was been ripped out of my body. not wanting to worry hoseok any more, i grinned slightly.

feeling that i got weaker and weaker, my vision already blurrying a bit, i squeezed his hand and whispered: "hey, hobi. let me...tell you something. i...i....i love you. a lot. everything about you. and...you need to promise me....to never hide your smile....okay? can you...promise?" hoseok stared at me, slightly taken aback by my sudden speech, but nodded, as if his mind was dead. my vision was blurrying more and i heard the beeping become slower, hoseok noticed and let out a horrified screech.

his pained voice, begging me to stay awake was the last thing i've heard before driving into sweet and warm darkness.

— hoseok's p.o.v.

(y/n) closed her eyes and the machine beeped monotonously. i felt as if my whole world came crashing down on me, i let out a painful scream and dashed out of the room, past doctors and nurses rushing towards (y/n), not wanting to hear that she was dead. i wouldn't be able to take that.

—

time passed, and i didn't hear anything from her parents nor from mine. i'd hide in my room, letting hours pass by without doing anything. it literally killed me, knowing i wasn't able to hear her beautiful voice, her angelic laughter ever again. "i don't want to live without you, (y/n).", i mumbled, remembering what she told me before....it happened. i felt numb, lifeless, not caring what happened around me. my friends, my parents, all of them tried to help me, get me out of my automatic state, but to no avail. i did not want to.

but this time, i knew what to do. i stood in our bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror. a boy with black hair and pale skin could be seen, deep bags under his eyes made him look tired and out worn. i hated myself. opening the bathroom cabinet, i grabbed the first box with pills i could made out, opening it. i took some of the white pills and gulped them down, hoping they would work fast.

"hey, i'm going for a walk.", i said to my parents who were sitting at the kitchen table and looked at me, their faces lit up with surprise and something else i couldn't describe. "sure, but please don't stay out for too long, we have visitors later, and i want you to be here.", my father stated. i nodded and walked out of the door, into the sunny afternoon.

after some time, i walked on the roadside, hoping for the drugs to take effect as soon as possible, as i felt a bit dizzy already. yet again, my thoughts circled around (y/n), i wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. "if only i confessed earlier.", i whispered, voice full of regret. and i noticed something. at the end of the roadside, i could make out a figure, whhich looked a lot like my love. "seems like i finally made it.", i smiled to myself, thinking that i was hallucinating.

i felt my vision getting blurry and my steps becoming unsteady. "the time has come.", i thought as i lost balance, fell on the hard ground and laid there. my vision darkened and i wondered if that was really the end. "if dying feels like this, i don't know why people are so afraid of it.", i whispered as the darkness lulled me into sleep, a sleep without pain.

or so i thought.

—

edited; 2017/19/27.

"he rose and walked out and stood barefoot in the sand and watched the pale surf appear all down the shore and roll and crash and darken again. when he went back to the fire he knelt and smoothed her hair as she slept and he said if he were god he would have made the world just so and no different."
— cormac mccarthy; the road