I knew I showed blank on the outside but my head was like how would you describe it. Not destruction or fast. It was like I went a thousand miles per hour then all of a sudden went through a dimension. And everything had slowed down. And I was just floating. With no one to comfort me but the voices in my head telling me to give up.
I opened my eyes to see I was laying on Lana's chest. My legs wrapped around her. She stiffened when she noticed I was awake. I pulled her closer and just laid there thinking of what could have been between Jake and I if we where married longer. My phone started ringing from the other room letting me know some one was trying to contact me. Lana moved me off of her and got up and went to get it. She came back on my phone.
"Yes just a second here she is." She handed me the phone gently before laying back down. I resumed my position.
"Hello?" "Hi is this Emilee Austin. Jake Austin's wife?" "Yes it is." "Good mourning my name is Deny Faul. I work at the Faul morgue. I'm sorry for your lost but I was informed by some officers that you may be in need of burial assistance." "Yes I may need some. I don't know when his body is being released. He was burned in a car accident." "Oh I'm sorry." "Thank you. Send me your address so I can come look at head stones." "Right away." I hung up and waited for him to text me.
I waited a moment before he did. I sighed and sat up and walked into the guest room and started getting dressed. Lana had followed me and when I put my shirt on she put my hair in a pony tail. I pulled on a pair of skinny jeans and pulled on a pair of boots.
I then noticed Lana cleaning my glasses. I whipped away my tears that fallen before taking them and setting them on my face.
I walked into the bathroom and shut the door and used the bathroom.
When I came back out I grabbed my purse and walked into Lana's room to see her pulling on a hoodie. She was wearing yoga pants and flip flops. Her hair was combed. She grabbed her phone and mine and walked to the garage.
She grabbed her keys and lead us to her car. I got in and stared off into space.
When we came to a stop we where out side the funeral home. To say the least it looked nice on the out side.
We walked in being greeted by a woman who smiled faintly.
"You must be Mrs. Austin." I nodded and grabbed Lana's hand.
"I'm her mother."
"Of course Deny is waiting for you in his office." She walked ahead and stopped in front of a dark oak wood door. She knocked before opening it.
"Let them in." Was all I heard before being dragged in. I sat down in a seat and stared at the older man I front of me who was busy clicking at his computer document. "Alrighty." Was the last thing I heard before letting Lana talk for me.
"Emilee. Em!" I snapped my head up.
"Ms. I need you to sign this agreement." I looked at Lana who nodded notifying me she had read it and approved.
I took the pen from him and signed the necessary lines.
We walked out and went to look at caskets.
I was a blank piece of paper the whole time we where there.
That was until an ambulance showed up.
"It seams as though your husband has arrived." My face perked up as they wheeled a body bag into another room. I felt Lana hug me from behind and hold me up right because I was falling to the floor.
"Thank you for your services you know what to do." Lana pulled me out of the building and let me cry on her shoulder when she turned me around.
I cried harder than I did when the car blew up. Breathing became an issue as images started popping up.
I laid on the couch starring at the newer version of ghost busters not even paying attention. I reached my hand off the couch and pulled my chocolate milk box up and took a sip before setting it back down.
I heard hushed whispers before feeling someone rub my back. I moaned softly at the comfort.
"Em we need you in the kitchen." I nodded before pausing the show and stood up and walked with Jack into the eating area.
I walked into see Jakes parents standing there teary eyed. His mother walked over to me and hugged me tight. I hugged her back but I didn't cry because of the void I had at the moment. His dad did the same.
"Do you need any help with the cost for the funeral?" She asked whipping her nose with a tissue.
"No we took care of everything yesterday." I said putting my hands in my hoodie pocket.
"We?" His dad asked confused.
"I helped." Lana spoke up. They smiled thankfully at her.
"Tell us when you are ready to move his things." I nodded. We talked for a couple more hours till they left. I hadn't even combed my hair that day.
"Emilee Jen is taking you to the gym go out on some clothes." I looked up to see my dad looking at me. I shook my head and covered my face. He walked over and sat down on the couch I was laying on. "No question you are going to get out of the house. I know you're morning but sitting around like I know you're going to do is not going to help. Now go get dressed." He said sternly. I groaned before doing so.
When I came back out I was wearing spandex and a sports bra. I grabbed my work out bag to see Jen was standing by the front door taking with Lana but stopped when she spotted me.
I nodded and walked past my mother and out to Jens jeep.
When we got there I jumped out and walked into the building not even having to hold up my member ship card because they already knew the both of us.
I made sure everything was set before getting on the treadmill and plugging in music.
This time I didn't shut of the pain. Physically or mentally. I ran with everything a normal person could have.
Jen ran beside me though not as fast. I felt the burn. Occasionally taking sips of water to keep hydrated.
I thought back to the first time I met Jake. He was wearing basketball shorts, a tank top, and Jordan's. I liked his looks front he moment I saw him. I didn't officially like him till our first date.
I then thoughts back to our last one. We had gone boating. I had shown him how to hook and bait. I of course caught more than he did but he ate them.
I will hold a fish I will gut the damn thing but there is no way in hell in going to eat one. When I was younger my brothers wanted it all the time and I hated eating it so I would wait till no one was watching and slip it into some one else's plate. Worked more than once.
I took a deep breath before slowing down and taking a step off.
