It is early morning when I awake; I can see the light flooding the room through my closed eyelids.
But I don't open my eyes immediately.
I don't move either. I listen.
But, occupying the room is a tranquil silence and the only noise to enter my ears is the sound of his breathing; the soft intakes of breath through his nose followed by the slow exhales.
I can feel on my skin, where a strip of sunlight has found its way through the small gap between the drawn curtains, it shines on my exposed arm that rests above the feathered duvet.
I am still yet to open my eyes though and I am reluctant to do so.
I am not quite ready to face the day that lies ahead of me, as I know that, all that will await me is the inevitable sense of dread and regret.
Perhaps, for as long as my eyes remain closed, what I did - what we did, last night, will not become a reality.
I feel movements and I slowly open my eyes to find him stirring beside me.
His eyes remain closed though, as he lifts his head and turns it to the other side so he's now facing me, before nestling his head back comfortably into his pillow and continuing his slumber.
I also roll onto my side, so I can lie facing him.
I wonder what he's dreaming of right now. I wonder if he feels as happy as I do, about last night.
I let my eyelids resume their closed position and can't stop smiling to myself as the moment replays in my mind over and over, again.
...The room is beautiful, with its stunning polished surfaces and furniture, creating an elegantly light modern feel.
But it's too quiet, and it's too big - this isn't a room meant for only one.
The king size bed is made up neatly with crisp satin sheets, it looks comfortable and inviting. But this bed is far too spacious for one body.
A matter of weeks ago, Jacob and I would have been sharing this room together not divided by a solid wall.
I look over to the door, the only thing that is separating me from him and him from me.
I wonder if he is exploring the room right now, just as I am. I wonder if his room is the same as mine, if he also feels that it's too spacious for one.
I slowly walk towards the door, as my feet seem to escort my body there, and I find myself stood before the door suddenly unsure why, or what to do.
I raise my hand to the metal handle, just to test if it is locked.
But I am startled when I see a shadow appear on the floor beneath the door and I jolt my hand away towards my body and step back - there's someone at the other side of this door. He is stood at the other side of this door.
We are so close to each other, there must only be centimetres between us. Yet I can't see him, he can't see me.
I can't touch him, he can't touch me.
My body is frozen. I wait, for one of us to open this door, for one of us to make the first move.
It's him that does eventually and without warning the door swings open before me and there he is, stood right in front of me.
My body almost forgets how to breathe; I feel my heart quicken the pace of its beat inside my chest.
Eyes locked on each other, neither of us say a word.
I want him. I need him.
He steps closer, my breathing quickens.
My body is drawn towards him, like a magnet.
Without instruction, my legs wrap tightly around his abdomen and my hands cling to the back of his neck. I can't get close enough.
My lips crave the taste of his and they make their way closer to his mouth, our faces are so close it sends shivers down my spine.
We have both been desiring this moment to come for weeks now. Our bodies can no longer resist.
I hold his head close to mine and shut my eyes as he begins to walk, carrying me effortlessly in his arms as he heads in the direction of the bed.
I don't release my hold of him even when he's placed me safely down onto the bed.
I never want to let him go again...
When I open my eyes again, Jacob's awake and he's watching me with those deep brown eyes of his.
"Good morning, sweetcheeks" he whispers to me.
"Good morning" I smile back.
I can sense that he's feeling uncertain about the situation, but I reassure him by leaning in and gently placing my lips against his.
He smiles as I pull away.
"so...last night...you don't regret..." he stutters.
He expects me to say this can't happen again, because of Grace.
But, I shake my head, for the truth is, I do not want to regret last night. Truthfully, I do not regret last night.
"No regrets" I say confidently, as I allow myself to accept the truth that my heart has been willing my mind to listen to.
A grin creeps onto Jacob's face and his arms snake around my body so he can pull me closer to him and hold me close to his chest and I smile, because I am in the arms of the man I love.
