apathy (sequel to fervor)

Ƽ | ɴєωѕ.

   Ƽ | ɴєωѕ.

Over the next few days, I had become adjusted to the nightmare I woke up too, everyday.

I wondered if this was how Mom felt.

I wonder if she felt alone; worrying herself sick over her family.

Because that's how it felt to me.

It felt like some joke somebody was playing on me. And I wanted it to stop. It was like being in a long strain of nightmares, day after day. You try to wake yourself up, but it never happens.

I ate my breakfast in silence, taking small bites. Santiago sat across from me, his legs up on the table, smoking a blunt. The air was sweet with the smell of it, and eventually, it had became overwhelming.

Santiago put the blunt out, waving the air around his head to get rid of the smoke. His eyes were red; and droopy, and he looked tired. It reminded me of when I caught Ramiro smoking. He made me promise not to say anything, and I didn't; only if he promised to stop. I never saw Ramiro smoke again. Santiago's eyes fell upon me, and he smiled. "What's with the look?"

I shook my head.

I wasn't comfortable around him. Santiago made me feel on edge. I hated the way his eyes followed me, with every movement I made.

Estelle came in, taking my plate. She replaced it with some juice, and I smiled at her.

"Do you want to know why you're here?" He asked me.

I nodded.

I deserved to know.

"Your father owes me some money.."

And because of that, I had to be kidnapped?

I wanted to go home.

I missed Mommy, and Daddy, and Ramiro. I knew that they would be out looking for me, but I wished that they would find me already..

"Why the long face?"

I looked at Santiago, and sighed.

"I want to go home.."

Santiago caressed my cheek, and kissed my forehead. "I know you do, but you can't," he nodded.

"But why not?"

He sighed, biting down on his lip.

"Because I need my money. And as long as I don't get my money, I'll have to keep you."

For the rest of the day, I was in a terrible mood.

I didn't want to eat, I didn't want to sleep. I simply wanted to be with my family.

I feel like I took them for granted. All those fights I've had with Ramiro..he was simply looking out for me. He was right about what those boys wanted, the next day I would hear something about how they "smashed" and "passed" the girl. I felt terrible for telling him that I hated him..

I felt restless, and sick.

"Monae?"

Looking towards the door, Santiago stood there, in a fitted red shirt. The color suited him. He gave me a soft smile, and he closed my door.

"I know you're sad, so I'm not going to bother you..I just thought that this would cheer you up."

He was holding his arms behind his back, and I fully sat up. He pulled his arm from behind his back, and was holding a blue bunny.

But not just any bunny.

"Is that..?"

He shook his head. "I had someone make it to look just like the one you have at home."

He got an identical copy made of the first stuffed animal Ramiro had given me. When I was little, I got really sick, and couldn't get out of bed. Ramiro had went with Dad to the store and bought it for me, and Ramiro gave it to me, and had even hugged me and kissed my cheek. But I had coughed in the process and gave him my flu, but he didn't mind.

I had slept with it near me, ever since.

It showed how strong our bond was; nothing could break us apart.

We'd always be brother and sister, and each other's best friends, even if we didn't speak because of our stubborn attitudes.

Santiago handed the bunny to me, and I accepted it, with a smile.

"Thank you, Santiago."

"Not a problem..I'll leave you be, now."

I hugged the bunny close, smiling.

It was nice that Santiago did that for me. That didn't mean that I trusted him; I had heard the story of how Mom and Dad responded to each other at first. I didn't want their story, and I really didn't want to end up in love with Santiago.

That was over a ten year age difference, and I've seen those documentaries about girls in third world countries being married and treated like sex slaves. Santiago didn't seem like the type to do that, but who knows? Next thing I know, I could be chained up in the basement, naked.

I didn't want to see Santiago's crazy side. I've seen it from Dad, already, and it's not glamorous.

I can clearly see where Ramiro gets his almost uncontrollable rage from.

I laid back down, staring up at the ceiling.

There was nothing to do around here.

I found the tv remote to the flat screen, and turned it on.

My heart sunk down to my stomach.

A news reporter was talking about me. One of my recent pictures was up on the screen, my name listed under it.

"An Amber Alert has been released for sixteen year old, Monae August. She's 5'3", and was last seen in the Thompson Green area, wearing a black hoodie, and blue jeans. If you have any information regarding Monae August, please call the.."

The strange thing was, I couldn't cry.

Almost if I had no more tears to give.

The terrified, worried feeling rose up in my stomach.

I might not ever be found.