apathy (sequel to fervor)

૩١ | sᴛɪғғ.

૩١ | sᴛɪғғ. 

He destroyed me.

He reduced me to nothing. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I didn't see me anymore. I saw a scared, terrified, little girl. I wouldn't wish that pain on anybody. I didn't even feel comfortable in my own skin anymore. I was tired, and restless, and when I closed my eyes, I saw the scene all over again. It was like I was there, reliving that moment, again and again. So I've stopped sleeping. I rarely eat. I can't stomach any food. Since the first time, Martin's raped me three times after that. He's began to beat me, and when I scream, and call for help, no one comes.

I stood in front of the mirror, looking at my arms. Bruises decorated my skin, some of them purplish in color, and others were bluish. I sighed, pulling the sleeves of my shirt back down. I didn't want Amir to see my bruises, I was going to try to shield him from as much as possible. I wanted him to stay happy, grow up normal. 

My mind often drifted to how my family was feeling. Dad must've went insane. I hope he didn't go out and hurt anyone, or himself. Mom's probably trying the best she can to hold the family together, while trying to keep from breaking down herself. I'm not so sure about Ramiro. He's gotten his anger problems under control, but who really knows? Ramiro is known to fly off the handle, just like Dad. As for Cayla, she's probably wondering where I am.  

Martin's been trying to buy my love. He moved me to a different room, one with tall windows just like the last one, and everything was girly and in my favorite colors. My closet had a bunch of dresses in it, and there was even a little corner for Amir when he wanted to come into my room. Leaving the bathroom, I came back and got into the bed. Amir was asleep, laying on his stomach. I kissed his forehead, pushing his hair back. He's getting bigger, and he's nearing the 8th month mark. Every time I look at him, I see more and more of Dante. 

Speaking of Dante, he's probably fuming. I just hope he doesn't do anything brash, and gets himself put back in the mental institution. He had just gotten out of the mental institution..he doesn't need to go back. I hadn't seen Dante in a full year, and now it wasn't going to be longer until I saw him again. I wanted to have a family with him, I just hope that he was waiting for me..

There was a soft knock at the door, and it slowly opened. Jose stood there, a tray in his hand. It had a bottle, a small bowl, and a plate, full of food. Jose's been trying to get me to eat, but I refuse to. He sat the tray on the bed, handing me the large plate. He shook Amir gently, and Amir started to wake up. He whined, but when he saw the bottle, her was happy to be up and awake. I simply looked at the plate before me, and tried to give it back to Jose. He didn't accept it though, shaking his head.

"Jose you know I'm not-"

He cut his eye at me, and I shut up. I began to eat, and he smiled. Jose had made pancakes and bacon, and it was pretty good. Jose watched me with a smile on his face, and then to Amir, who stared right back at him with his big eyes. Jose interested Amir, I could tell. Amir liked to play with Jose's eyepatch, and once, he almost lifted it right off. I noticed that from then on, Jose would make sure Amir kept his hands away from his eye. 

'Who's Amir's father?'

Jose held the board to me, awaiting an answer for his question. 

"Someone named Dante."

Jose's eye widened, and he bit his lip. "What does he look like?' he asked. "Kind of tall, tattoos, septum piercing," I told him. I had a nagging feeling that I shouldn't have told him that, but it was out into the open now. I finished my food, and Amir had finished his bottle, and went right back to sleep. In the bowl that Jose brought, it was some soup, as Amir's gotten a little cold. Amir's been sleeping majority of the day, curling up into a little ball. I simply let him sleep, as he hated to be disturbed. 

"You can cover up the soup, Jose.." I told him, but Jose insisted on throwing it out and making a fresh bowl. I wasn't going to try and change his mind, as he was about as stubborn as a mule. Jose had left the room, leaving me to my own devices. I had eventually fallen asleep, hugging Amir close. 

When I woke up though, I was in for a surprise.

I screamed. Tugging on the chain, Martin simply gave me a smile, enjoying the "show" before him. He had chained my leg up to his footboard, and I was trying as hard as I could to pull it off. I knew it was no use though, Martin had the handcuff around my ankle tight. It hurt every time I tried to move, and I was sure it was digging into my skin. "If you keep struggling, you're only making it worse, baby." 

I whimpered as he approached me, climbing on the bed with me. I was handcuffed on his bed. I could still see the small specks on blood on his bed sheets, and it terrified me. I was in a panic, but with all my moving, I eventually tired myself out. My chest heaved, and my breathing was uneven. "I have a little proposition for you, Monae," he caressed my face, kissing my lips. His lips against mine made me want to throw up. There was no passion in his kisses, they were always forceful. 

Martin got off the bed, and over to his drawers. I couldn't see what he was pulling out, but it couldn't be good. He then went over to his closet, and pulled out a short, revealing dress. The dress was sleazy, and looked like something some type of prostitute would wear, or a stripper. I wasn't even sure if the dress would cover someone's behind. "Now, you know I hate hurting you, don't you?"

I didn't answer. 

Martin approached the bed, his eyes focused on me. They had some type of lustful gleam in them, and my heart raced. My body felt like it was overheating. I had that sick feeling in my stomach again. "Now, it's no fun having you, if I can't show you off, right? Our deal is simple." He laid the dress on the bed, placing the small box he had in his hand on top of the flimsy piece of fabric. Martin stepped back from the bed, rubbing his hands together. 

"You're going to become my stripper, Monae. With that pretty face of yours, you can earn me big bucks, baby."

My mouth dropped open, and Martin smirked. 

"Before you say no, think again," he raised his eyebrows, licking his lips. 

"It's either this, or Amir's life."