apathy (sequel to fervor)

૩Ƽ | ᴍɪxᴇᴅ ᴇᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴs..

૩Ƽ | ᴍɪxᴇᴅ ᴇᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴs..

Words couldn't explain how bad I felt.

Bad was an understatement. I felt like I had betrayed Dante. He was everything to me, I have no clue why I didn't stop Martin when it was beginning to get out of hand between us. In the back of my head, I still heard his loud groans and grunts, and the words he spoke in my ear as a result of his sheer pleasure. I felt sick for going along with it. I felt even worse for enjoying it, at that.

He had gotten me while I was vulnerable. Normally I kept my guard up around him, but he got me this time. I felt like a complete idiot. Ever since our sexual encounter, Martin's been extremely nice. He's been bringing me breakfast in the morning, something that usually Jose does. He's even been playing with Amir every once in a while. I don't object to it, as Amir needs the social interaction. It was a vital part in his development. But I did feel weird whenever Martin was in a room. I felt nervous.

My wounds have been healing nicely, and Martin hasn't asked me to do my little "job" again, but I was sure that he was going to sooner or later. Martin wanted his money, and I was his little trophy that was going to make him this money. I didn't want to do, but I was very sure that I didn't have a choice at all. Even though he hasn't spoke on it, I still think that Amir's life is in the balance. It didn't matter if he tried to help me with Amir or not, I was still afraid that he was going to hurt my little boy.

I held Amir's arms up, waiting for him as he swayed from side to side. "I know you can do it, baby," I cooed at him, a soft smile poking at my lips. Amir screeched, and I leaned him forward, Amir taking one step forward. I was trying to teach Amir to wake, taking it step by step. He wanted to go play with his blocks, and that's when I got the idea to make Amir work for it. His legs were shaky, but that was expected, since it was his first time. "Just three more steps baby, Mommy knows you can do it," I encouraged him. Amir took two steps, and I could tell the gears in his brain were working hard. 

I was going to let him take his time though, I knew that he was going to be walking on his own before I knew it. He took the last step forward, and looked up at me. I smiled, and kissed his forehead. "There you go! Three steps!" I chimed. Amir giggled, and I picked him up. Kissing his nose, I rubbed his back. I was spending the day with Amir, and just like he was enjoying my company, I enjoyed his. 

Amir closed his eyes, and I softly smiled, rocking side to side. Looking at the clock, I noticed that it was near his nap time. I went over to his crib, and he whined. "You don't want to sleep in your crib?" I asked him, to whic he shook his head, opening his eyes a little. It always interested me how Amir could go from being the Energizer bunny to being a hibernating bear. I pushed Amir's messy, wild hair back, gathering up a few of his things, like his teddy bear. I walked down the hallway to my room, and placed Amir in the bed, covering him up. I kissed his cheek, and he reached up for me, grabbing my shirt in his tiny hand. 

I knew what that meant.

"Mommy's going to get in the bed in a minute, don't worry." 

I turned the tv on, climbing into the bed next to him. I turned it down to a low enough volume so he could sleep. I looked towards his bottle, and realized that it was empty. I cursed silently to myself, and got out of bed slowly, careful not to disturb Amir. I grabbed his bottle, and exited the room, heading down the stairs to refill it with some juice. Once I was downstairs, I noticed that was Jose in the kitchen. 

"Hi, Jose," I smiled. I must've startled him, as he flinched, looking towards me. He put down the skillet he was drying off, and wrote something on his board. You scared me. Hi, Monae. I cracked a small smile, and went over to the fridge, pulling out the carton of apple juice. Recently, Jose's been kind of..distant. I didn't know why, but I didn't want to press the issue, and make him even more distant. I poured the juice into Amir's bottle, and twisted the top back on. Jose put the dishes away, and slid over to me, beginning to write on his board. 

Martin said he wants to see you later, around 9 o'clock.

I froze. What could Martin possibly want from me? I had no idea what he could want, and that made me feel nervous, all over again. I nodded at Jose, and took the bottle, heading back upstairs to Amir. Amir has his head on my chest, sleeping peacefully. Occasionally, he would move his legs and make a little noise, and I kissed his forehead. I sighed, playing with his soft hair.

I wondered what Martin wanted to see me for?

When 9 o'clock rolled around, I could feel the butterflies in my stomach. One of Martin's maids picked out a beautiful, dark blue, strapless dress for me, and heels to match. They had did my hair, and makeup, and I assumed that whatever Martin was going to see me about was important, in some way, shape, or form. When I was finished, I checked in on Amir. Jose said that he would watch over him, and had bathed him, and had put him to bed while I was getting ready. I kissed Amir's forehead, rubbing his cheek. "Goodnight, sweetie."

I left his room, closing the door softly behind me. I headed down the stairs, and out to the black limo that was waiting for me. Usually, the nights were brisk and chilly, but tonight, it was cool, and there was a soft breeze. In the limo, I observed the scenery. The place was really in the middle of nowhere! There were only trees in sight, and not even one peek of a house. I wondered how far we were from civilization..

My eyes widened as we pulled up to what looked like a park. It was decorated with soft, white lights, and I was in awe as I stepped out. "Mr. Thompson awaits you, Ms. August," the driver told me. I nodded, and walked along the paved stone path, taking in the relaxed ambiance of the whole place. Pretty white flowers followed the path, and I walked right up on Martin, who was standing there, in a suit. He was standing by a dinner table, two chairs on opposite sides, a candle in the middle of the table. Martin seemed to take a deep breath when his eyes fell on me, and I walked up to him.

"You look beautiful, baby.." he softly smiled.

"Thank you.."

He kissed my hand gently, pulling me closer to him. "Before we start dinner, I have something to ask you," he began, looking into my eyes. His eyes twinkled, and seemed to look even better from the moonlight. He smiled, and started to get down on his knee. My heart raced, and I wanted to run. 

..No..

No..

No..

"Monae, will you marry me?"