Not The Same || Jai Brooks

10. Numb

It's been 3 months, since Andrea left me and I am just numb. I have no motivation. The only thing that keeps me even a little happy are my kids. They are the only ones capable to make me smile.

Daniel understands, he grasped the fact that his mother won't ever be coming back. I have helped him through it. Destiny, knows that Drea won't be coming home, but she doesn't understand why. I just told her, "Sometimes, people go away. We don't want them to, and they don't want to go. But we will see them again one day when it's our time to go away as well." She was very confused, and would sometimes ask about her.

I moved in with my mum a month after.. I couldn't stay in that house, the memories and everything was driving me insane. I couldn't handle it. I had to be strong for my kids and being in that house wasn't helpin at all. I told my fans everything. They were very compassionate, due to the fact that my fiancee passed away. I haven't been doing Janoskians videos anymore. I think that, that is best for everyone. I still support them 100% though.

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"Babe... You need anything?" Mum asked me, while I sat there, on my phone, looking at pictures of Andrea and I.

"Uh, no thanks. I think Daniel, Destiny, you and I should go to the fair tomorrow. What you think?" I asked. Giving her a weak smile.

She smiled at me, and sat next to me. She put her arm around my shoulder and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "That would be great. But, I am going to go pick up Dani and Des from Lukes. You wanna come?" she asked, getting up and grabbing my her keys.

"Yeah, of course." I jumped up, and stuck my phone back in my pocket. We got in the car and drove over to Luke's.

I just walked in, because he's my twin. So I can do that.

"Daddy!!!!" Destiny yelled as she ran over to me with open arms. I smiled widely, and picked her up and spun her around. "Hey babygirl. Where you good for Uncle Luke?" I asked, she smiled.

"Daddy. Of course. I was perfect." I laughed and put her down so she could say hi to mum. She has the same attitude and sass, that Andrea had. 

"Hey little man." I said, picking Daniel up and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Daddy, me and Uncle Luke made you something." He said, I put him down and he grabbed hold of my hand and led me into the living room.

"Hey man." Luke said, giving me a hug. I smiled at him.

"Daaad, look!" Daniel said, handing me a poster. It was a collage of pictures of all of us. I scanned over all of the pictures, thinking of all of the fun times we had together. But then I came across one picture that made me freeze, I felt a tear trickle down my face.

It was the day Andrea told me she was pregnant. We were on the swings at the park. She was laughing, but looking at me and I was looking at her, my eyes full of love. Her eyes full of happiness.

I didn't notice I was really crying until I felt mum rub my back. I snapped out of my thoughts.

"It's perfect guys. Thank you so much." I gave Daniel a hug. and I gave Luke a bear hug.

"You're Welcome buddy. I have alot of pictures from the camera of all of us when we were 15, or 16." Luke said.

I nodded, "I'll come by after we come home from the fair. Love you Luke." I said. He nodded, an I grabbed the twins stuff and headed out to the car. I went back in to grab the twins.

"Come one guys. We're gonna go to the fair tomorrow.." I said excitingly, to Dani and Des.

They were both super excited. I got them in their carseats and we set off.

By the time we got home, they were both knocked out. I carried Destiny, and mum carried Daniel in.

I went into their bedroom, (which used to be Beau's room.) and laid Destiny on her bed, and mum laid Daniel on his bed.

"Thanks for everything mum." I said, as we looked at them sleep.

"Babe. It's nothing. I can't even imagine what you're going through.." she hugged me and walked back into her room.

I left the twins room, and went and laid on my bed. I looked over at my dresser and saw a piece of paper on it, that said "Jai♡" on the front of it. It was the note that Drea was going to give me.. that night.

I read over that note a million times, but the only thing that stuck in my mind was. "I promise to never leave you." and "Yours forever Jai, I promise." but she lied. She left me...

She promised she would never leave me, but she did. How could she do this? I miss her loads. I can't even describe how shitty I feel inside. I am always smiling, and being happy for my kids. I don't want them to see me how I am when I'm alone. I am miserable without her.

I looked through our old texts, "I love you more than anything." "Ugh, babe you don't even know how much I miss you." These are the two things Andrea said to me, that I want to tell her right now. It really sucks. I will never see her again, to tell her that I love her. I just want to hear her voice one more time.

I want to see her hold, Destiny or Daniel one more time. I wanna lay with her. I want to kiss her. I want to tell her I love her. One more time.

Just once.

I just want her back.

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I grabbed my guitar and walked into the twins room, to see them both sound asleep. I went into mums room, she was in there reading a book on her Kindle.

"uh, mum. I'm gonna go for a walk. I'll be back shortly." I told, her. She nodded and told me to be careful.

I walked down to the park where me and Drea took that one picture at. Of us on the swings.

I sat on the swing she sat at. I just sat there, with my guitar in hand and thought about everything.

I started strumming the guitar and singing the acoustic version of "James Dean & Audrey Hepburn" by Sleeping with Sirens. Drea always said that was our song.

I just wish I could sing it to her one more time. Hell, I wish I could hear her sing one more time. Her voice was so calming and it always put me in the best mood. She was just overall amazing.

I know people say that nobody's perfect. But even with her flaws, Andrea was perfect.. at least, she was perfect for me.

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 Got things planned, so don't give up on me yet.