"Hey."
The first words spoken after a month of radio silence. I paused on my side unsure of how to respond. Ares seemed hesitant and soft-spoken, uncharacteristically for him over the phone at least.
"Hey, how have you been?" I said.
Ares paused, "I've been better."
I couldn't tell what was louder, the silence or the sound of my heartbeat.
"Look," Ares started, "dear, I think something needs to change."
I agreed.
"This distance isn't healthy, for either of us. This relationship isn't working, for either of us. There's no way for a good amount of communication and we both seem to be busy at the worst times. It's not what a relationship should be, which is beneficial for both parties. I'm too busy for a relationship and there's too much going on to give this relationship the attention it deserves," Ares told me, "I think we should break up."
We should...break up? No, no, that's not what I wanted.
"No, no we just need to talk this out," I told him, a slight whine to my tone.
"There's nothing to discuss, I'm just stating facts. No matter how much I like you, I can't give you a romantic relationship right now. It wouldn't be right," Ares said.
"We can make this work, you just need to put more effort in," I said unintentionally harsh, my mind on all of the unanswered calls.
A breath.
"You think I'm not fucking putting in effort? I'm doing my damnedest to get enough money to visit you and support myself and pay for college, all by my fucking self. My father refuses to pay for it. My roommate moved out, now I'm stuck paying rent by myself. I barely have enough money for meals each week Cashlin," Ares said, his voice louder then before.
"I didn't know that," I said, "I'm sorry. But it's hard for me too."
"Hard?" Ares said outraged, "you don't understand the meaning of hard currently. You have family, all around you! I don't! My mom's dead, my father's too depressed to do shit-"
"Family?" I screamed, "did you forget what my mother did to me? How my father abandoned me?"
"No I fucking didn't!" Ares was furious by this point, "Because I was the fucking one who was holding you together. I didn't have time to deal with my problems because I was there for you. But you were never there for me."
It was true. When I was at my weakest, he was there. And I never once checked up on him while he dealt with the aftermath, the people at school, his friends, and everything else he went through. I was selfish, so, so selfish.
"We're over," Ares said softly and I imagined he had begun to shake his head, "this relationship isn't good for either of us. You need to grow up and realize the world isn't always about you and I'm too busy to dedicate my time to a relationship."
I bit my lip to stop an onslaught of words. I couldn't be selfish now. But fuck, how I wanted to be.
"Goodbye, dear," Ares said quietly, the anger still present, but an underlying hint of affection.
Fuck, just get it over with. I'll regret it later.
In a rush of words I spoke, "I love y-"
But he had already hung up.
And then the air felt like it had been knocked out of me as the tears came and that's how my brother found me, twenty minutes later, in a mess of a broken heart and endless tears.
